Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy

Finn, Oleander and Jake came over and the house was filled with noise and chocolate and Hellvanians and Xbox, and everyone running about. I kept trying to talk to Billy, and help him process what had happened, but he just said, ‘Mummeee! I’m a Superhero! OK?’


I watched Mr Wallaker talking to Jake, both of them tall, handsome, old friends, fathers. Rebecca looked at Mr Wallaker and raised her eyebrows at me, but then his phone rang, and I could just tell he was talking to Miranda.

‘I have to go,’ he said abruptly, clicking it off. ‘You guys will look after them tonight, right, Jake?’

Heart sinking, I followed him up to the doorstep and started to gabble, ‘I’m so grateful. It’s you who is the Superhero. I mean are. I mean is.’

‘Are,’ he said. ‘And it was my pleasure.’

He walked down the steps then turned, added softly ‘. . . Superheroine’, and strode off towards the main road, the taxis, and a girl who looks like she’s out of a magazine. I watched him go, sadly, thinking, ‘Superheroine? I’d still like someone to shag.’





’TIS THE SEASON


Monday 2 December 2013

Everything is all right. Took Billy to the child psychologist who said he seemed to have ‘healthily assimilated it as a learning experience’. When I tried to take him for a second time, Billy said, ‘Mummee! It’s you who needs to go.’

Billy, Bikram and Jeremiah are enjoying a period of what can only be described as celebrity at the school and have been signing autographs. Their school celebrity, however, is as nothing beside that of Mr Wallaker.

And Mr Wallaker is friendly to me now, and I to him. But that’s as far as it seems to go.

Tuesday 3 December 2013

3.30 p.m. Mabel just came out of school singing:

‘Deck de halls wid boughs of holly,

Falalalala la la la la.

’Tis de season to be jolly . . .’

It is the season to be jolly. Am going to be jolly this year. And grateful.

Wednesday 4 December 2013

4.30 p.m. Oh. Mabel has now changed the words to:

‘’Tis de season to hate Billy.’

Thursday 5 December 2013

10 a.m. Thelonius’s mother stopped me at the Infants Branch drop-off this morning.

‘Bridget,’ she said, ‘could you ask your daughter to stop upsetting Thelonius?’

‘Why? What?’ I said, confused.

It turns out Mabel is going round the playground singing:

‘Deck de halls wid boughs of begonias,

Falalalala la la la la.

’Tis de season to hate Thelonius . . .’

2 p.m. ‘That’ll teach you to plant such an unimaginative flower,’ said Rebecca. ‘How’s Scott? I mean, Mr Wallaker.’

‘He’s nice,’ I said. ‘He’s friendly, but, you know, just friendly . . .’

‘Well, are you “just friendly” to him? Does he KNOW?’

‘He’s with Miranda.’

‘A man like that has his needs. It doesn’t mean he’s going to be with her for ever.’

I shook my head. ‘He’s not interested. I think he likes me as a person, now. But that’s as far as it goes.’

It is sad. But mostly I am happy. It only takes a really bad thing to nearly happen to make you appreciate what you have.

2.05 p.m. Bloody Miranda.

2.10 p.m. Hate Miranda. ‘Oh, oh, look at me, I’m all young and tall and thin and perfect.’ She’s probably also going out with Roxster. Humph.





THE CAROL CONCERT


Wednesday 11 December 2013

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