I always knocked on the back door of the Hellers’ place before entering. Charles and Cindy had never been as demonstrative as my parents were, but you could never be too sure. I didn’t want to traumatize all of us by walking in on them when their kids were out and they thought they were alone.
Heller answered the door. ‘Landon, everything okay?’
Landon. I sighed. ‘Yeah. Great. I wanted to talk to you about … Jacqueline.’
His eyebrows rose, and then he smirked. ‘Come on in. I’m just making up my final exams for next week. My graduate students will loathe me by the time they finish.’ He rubbed his palms together, far too entertained by that thought. Undergrads almost always loved Heller. Graduate students thought he was Satan – but the ones he mentored knew their shit.
We sat at the kitchen table with a couple of beers.
‘Two things. One, I need to fill you in on my relationship with her …’
He braced himself. ‘Okay.’
‘I told you I’d known her before I became her tutor, as Lucas. What I didn’t tell you was how we actually met.’ I took a breath. ‘She was assaulted, outside a frat party on campus. I … stopped it. She didn’t want to report it.’
‘Jesus Christ.’ He pushed his laptop aside and leaned his elbows on to the notebooks spread over the table. ‘She was assaulted by another student?’
I nodded.
‘Why wouldn’t she report it? He’s undoubtedly dangerous –’
‘I’m … not done.’
He fell silent, frowning.
‘Charles, I stopped it before – before it went to the level of anything she could prove, physically. No bruising and no –’ I ground my teeth – ‘no penetration. The guy is a member of her ex’s fraternity. You know how those guys can be – they’d either not believe he did it, or they’d smear-campaign the shit out of her regardless. I couldn’t make her do it, though honestly, I didn’t try all that hard. So maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I hoped that beating him bloody would deter him. It didn’t.’
‘Oh, God. He did it again.’ His words were a statement, not a question.
‘Yeah. He raped another girl.’
‘What the –’
‘She’s reported it, and so has Jacqueline. And so did I.’
‘Is he out on his ass?’ His eyes blazed. ‘I don’t want that little prick prowling around my school.’
My lips twisted. ‘Rumour in PD is that administration will let him remain through finals week, if he only comes on to campus for his finals, and a member of his frat is with him at all times when he’s there.’
‘That is bullshit –’
‘Innocent until proven guilty, Charles.’
‘I know. I know.’ He sighed heavily, as frustrated as I’d been. ‘I just – I think of Carlie, and it makes me so fucking furious –’ He stopped.
I ran a finger over the scar inside my left wrist, and neither of us spoke for a moment.
‘Jacqueline and the other student filed temporary restraining orders today. He can’t come within a thousand feet of them, on or off campus, or contact them in any way.’
He nodded, and I knew he was thinking what I was thinking: Not good enough. But it was something.
‘You said there were two things?’ he prodded.
I sucked on the ring in my lip, and he noticed. I had an unforgiving tell. I couldn’t keep from worrying the damned thing when I was anxious. I took a deep breath. ‘I want to see if the … um, student/tutor separation can be lifted now? We want to hang out tomorrow night. After I give my review. At which point my tutoring duties are sort of done …’
He angled one brow. ‘Hmm. Does she live in the area, or will she be leaving campus during winter break?’
‘Leaving.’
‘Ah, well. I’d suggest that you not go fully public until after the exam next week. But a little covert hanging out –’ He aimed a devious grin my way. ‘I suppose you two are capable of that.’
He thought Jacqueline was about to become my girlfriend – or already was. Furthermore, he looked thrilled at the prospect. I didn’t have the heart to set him straight.
Jacqueline was jittery during dinner. I made pasta, which seemed to impress her, again – but I figured she was nervous about what had happened last time. There wouldn’t be a repeat, but I couldn’t exactly tell her that without sounding like a dick. Hey, remember how I wanted to stop last time? Well, this time, I’m not stopping until you’re done screaming my name.
Yeah, no.
After I loaded our plates into the dishwasher, I pulled her closer and pretended to give her an impromptu self-defence lesson – taking her hands and pinning them behind her back. ‘How would you get out of this hold, Jacqueline?’
She told me, softly, that she wouldn’t want to get out of it.
‘But if you did want to. How would you?’ I pressed. She closed her eyes and gave me real answers – groin strike, instep stomp.
‘And if I kissed you, and you didn’t want me to?’
I expected her to use something she’d learned in the class – a head butt, maybe. But no. She told me she’d bite me, and goddamn, I almost lost it.
I kissed her, carefully, halfway hoping she would bite me. Instead, she ran her tongue across the inside of my lip and over the ring, and I put her on the counter so she was above me. Wrapping her arms and legs round me, she pushed her small tongue into my mouth. I sucked her tongue in deeper, caressing it with mine, nipping at it as she withdrew.
‘Holy crap,’ she breathed. I swept her off the counter and carried her to my bed, laying her down in the centre and kissing her until she was breathless. I stripped off her sweater and she unbuttoned my shirt while I went back to kissing her. When I touched a finger to the zipper of her jeans, she said, ‘Yes.’
I told her I hadn’t tried this with anyone significant in a long time, and she misunderstood and thought I was telling her I hadn’t had sex with anyone. I almost laughed, but there was nothing funny. ‘Not with anyone I cared about or … knew,’ I amended. ‘One-time things. That’s all.’ I was worried she’d be disgusted by that. Three years with Kennedy Moore – pretty sure she’d been there with him. But I figured there was a good chance that he was it.
‘That’s all – ever?’
‘It’s not like there’ve been tons of them.’ I felt like I should cross my fingers behind my back. ‘There were more before, in high school, than there have been the past three years.’ That much was true.
Braced above her, I stared as she told me she wanted this. Wanted me. ‘Please don’t ask me to say stop,’ she added.
She didn’t need to worry about that. My only concern was taking this slow enough to please her. I wanted her to feel beautiful and desired and fully, intensely, thoroughly satisfied.