I can feel the others looking between Hawk and I, but I’m unable to look away from the maelstrom of emotions flittering across his face. His stare holds me captive, practically pulling the dark secret out of me.
I lick my dry lips, and chew on my lower lip. “He—” Fuck, how do I even explain this to everyone. Tearing my gaze from Hawk’s bewitching ones, I glance at each of my guys, hoping this final secret won’t be the one that breaks us. We’ve already survived so much, but this is...different. While I don’t even know if I want children in the future, that doesn’t mean the guys are willing to attach themselves to someone who will never bear children; that they are ready to accept the possibility of never having their own kids.
My face crumples as I sigh, turning my gaze back to Hawk. “Several years ago, I was, uh, sterilized.”
My words are met with a deafening silence, which feels like it lasts a lifetime, and I swear I see something break in Hawk’s eyes as he stares at me with such a profound sadness it stills the air in my lungs.
“I don’t—” Beck begins, and when I finally look at him, lines form across his forehead as he tries to process what I’m saying. “They performed surgery on you?”
I nod my head. Leaning back in my chair, I push down my pants enough to show them the barely visible scars on my lower hips. They’re just tiny white lines, and in comparison to the marks on my back, they’re nothing.
They all lean forward to see where I’m pointing at, and the second Hawk sees the marks, he storms off, looking ready to punch someone. I watch him go with concern, but Mason’s hand on my thigh draws my attention back to the guys and where he is crouched in front of me.
“Let him go,” he says, giving my thigh a reassuring squeeze. “Talk to me.”
I give a small shrug of my shoulder. “What is there to say? I can never have kids.” Unable to look into his blue eyes and see the concern there, I drop my gaze to my lap. “If you stay with me, you won’t ever have your own children.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, the guilt of robbing the guys of that opportunity riding me hard.
“Baby.” Mason presses his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Has a doctor ever told you that? Or is that just what Bowen, or someone at the compound told you?”
My brows scrunch together, and I respond in a quiet, unsure voice, “Some guy at the compound told me.”
A small smile graces his lips. “Then let’s talk to a doctor and get a second opinion before we make any decisions, yeah?”
I give a hesitant nod. “But, what if…”
“If it’s true, then we’ll deal with it, like we have everything else.” He strokes his thumb down my cheek, and the way he looks at me, with such earnest devotion, leaves me speechless. “Nothing you say or do will ever scare us off.” He must be able to see the doubt in my eyes, as he continues, “If you can’t have children then, if and when we decide we’re ready for kids, we can adopt, or look into surrogacy, or…I don’t know, but we will work it out. As a team. The five of us.”
A small grin lifts one side of his lips. “You’re stuck with us, Little Warrior. It’s you and me. Always.”
I glance up at Beck, West, and Cam, and the three of them move to surround me. Beck clasps one of my hands in his, and West takes the other. Mason scooches to the side so Cam can kneel beside him in front of me.
“Always,” Beck promises as Cam and West nod their agreement, all of them looking at me with impassioned gazes. The amount of love pouring off them has tears overflowing and running down my cheeks.
“I love you, all of you.”
Beck presses a kiss to my forehead as each of them murmurs loving sentiments.
Mason and Cam eventually pull up chairs so we’re all huddled together, which is how Hawk finds us when he finally returns. As soon as he steps into the doorframe, my head snaps up, and the anguish in his eyes has me standing up, moving toward him as he steps into the room.
His arms wrap around me as mine wind around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. He whispers apologies into my ear and I run my hand up and down his back as I soothe him. None of this is his fault, and he shouldn’t have to bear any of the pain.
“We’ll talk to a doctor and find out for sure. We will do whatever it takes to fix this, if that’s what you want.” I smile into his hug, loving how this grumpy brother of mine who hates everyone except his family is always ready to fight my battles with me. He always has my back, and I know he always will.
We pull apart as a man dressed in scrubs walks into the waiting room. “Davenport family?”
“That’s us,” Hawk rushes out, turning to face him.
“I’m Dr. Gallaher, can we, eh, talk in private?” The doctor glances at everyone else crowded around us.
“It’s okay, you can tell us in front of them. How’s my dad?” Hawk asks, desperate for answers.
I feel Cam slip his hand into mine, and I hold on tightly, terrified to hear the doctor's next words.
Nodding, he looks down at the clipboard in his hands. “Your father was shot in the abdomen. The bullet nicked his aorta, causing massive internal bleeding. He lost a lot of blood, and it was touch-and-go a few times during the surgery, but we managed to stop the bleeding, and he’s currently in recovery.”
“He’s alive?” My voice is a harsh croak as tears overwhelm me.
“He is. He’s still under the anesthesia, and it will probably be a while before he starts to come around, but he’s alive. He’s currently getting a blood transfusion, and will require careful monitoring for the next twenty-four hours, but after that, he should be out of the woods.”
I practically keel over with relief, and I feel someone’s arms around my waist, holding me upright.
“Can we see him?” Hawk asks anxiously.
“Immediate family only for now,” the doctor explains, glancing behind us to the others.
“We’re his children,” I clarify.
“Then the two of you can sit with him, but no other visitors for now.”
We both nod in understanding, and I glance over my shoulder at the guys, who all wave me on before I follow after the doctor and Hawk.
He leads us into a room, and I’m taken aback by how frail Barton looks in the bed. Monitors are hooked up all over the place, and he looks as white as the sheets draped over him.
“Like I said, it will be a while before he’s awake. I’ll come back to check on him in a bit.”
I murmur a thanks, unable to take my eyes off Barton as Hawk moves to the bedside. His gaze runs over him, stopping on the various tubes and wires attached to him, before he glances up at the machines.
We pull up chairs and sit beside him, both of us watching him closely for any signs of movement. We rarely talk, only passing a few remarks back and forth.
I lose all track of time, but at some point, a nurse pops her head in. “Visiting hours are over, why don't you kids go home and get some rest. We’ll let you know if there's any change in his condition overnight.”
I can see the reluctance in Hawk’s expression, but before he can argue, I speak up, “Thanks. We’ll leave in a few and come back tomorrow.”