Everything swarms back into view—the school, the trees, Hawk and Mason running toward me. I’m aware of the grit from the path digging into my knees, and I look down. What the fuck? Some kid I don’t even recognize is trapped beneath me, his face bloody and his eyes wide in terror as he scrambles to get free.
I hardly feel Hawk as he grabs my upper arm and pulls me off him. Mason helps the guy to his feet, and whispers something to him before he scurries off without a backward glance.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Hawk snaps, stepping in front of me so he’s all I can see. Not answering him, I blink down at my bloodied knuckles, trying to work out what happened. “Hadley! Answer me!”
“I-I don’t know,” I mumble, glancing up into his worried, furious face.
Mason comes to stand beside him, looking equally as worried as he checks me over. “Let’s get back to the dorm. We can discuss this there.”
I look past him, to where the student has long since disappeared. “What about him?”
“He won’t say anything.” The sharp edge to Mason’s voice has me wondering what he said to the kid to get him to keep his mouth shut. I don’t have the wherewithal to ask though.
Hawk tugs on my arm, maintaining his tight grip as he drags me to the dorms. I follow him, dazed, unable to stop looking at the dried, crusting blood on my hands and picturing the guard I could have sworn was trying to take me somewhere.
When we reach the apartment, Hawk throws open the door and storms in, making West, Beck, and Cam jump.
“What the hell’s going on?” Beck demands, scowling at where Hawk is still holding my arm in a strong grip.
“Hadley here thought it would be a great idea to beat up another student,” Hawk snaps, using his tight hold to turn me to face him. “Wanna fill us in on why you did that?”
My mouth opens and closes soundlessly several times before I snap it shut, refusing to say anything until I’ve worked out myself what happened back there. I’ve had moments where I forget myself for a second, when I forget I’m not in the compound again, but I have never lashed out at anyone like that before.
Hawk’s lips flatten as he presses them together and his nostrils flare. I can see the effort it takes him not to snap or say something that he knows will only make this worse. Eventually he closes his eyes and sighs.
“Hadley,” he begins, opening his eyes and capturing me in his churning gray-blue gaze. “What’s going on? We know something’s wrong, just talk to us.”
“I’m fine, Hawk,” I snap irritably.
The asshole scoffs. “Come on, Hadley. Everyone knows when a woman tells you she’s fine, she’s far from fucking fine.”
I look at him like he’s crazy. “What? Don’t talk shit, that is not a thing.”
“That is definitely a thing,” Cam pipes up, earning a dark glare from me before I focus my glower back on Hawk.
“I’m so fucking sick of hearing that word from you when it’s obvious you’re not fine,” Hawk continues to press.
“Why are you pushing me? Just back off and leave me alone.”
Hawk shakes his head like he can’t believe I’m not getting whatever he’s trying to do, and steps forward so he’s crowding me. “Because I’m the asshole brother who lives to piss you off, and I’m not going to stop until you’re honest with me.”
My lip curls as I scowl up at him. “You wanna know what’s wrong,” I snarl, shoving him hard in the chest. The fucking asshole doesn’t back up though, which only infuriates me further. “I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, I’m back in that room with Lawrence, trapped and terrified. Every time I stop to just breathe, or take a moment, I hear Bowen’s voice in my head, telling me all the fucked up shit he wants to do to me. If someone plays loud music, I have a panic attack ‘cause the guards would pump it through the speakers for days, so loud I hoped it would burst my eardrums, just so I could get five minutes of sleep. The slightest noise makes me jump, I can’t get my mind to shut off, and today…I have no idea what the fuck happened back there. So you wanna know if I’m okay? No, Hawk, I’m so fucking far from being okay, I don’t even know what direction to go in. I feel like I’m fucking drowning, and I don’t know how to swim, so I’m treading water, just trying to stay above the surface, but I’m tired, Hawk. I’m so. Fucking. Tired.”
A tear spills over and runs down my cheek as the wind goes out of my sails, and I collapse in on myself. In the next second, I’m wrapped up in a crushing hug and as soon as Hawk’s arms encase me, something inside me breaks. The dam I’ve been trapping all my emotions behind cracks and comes tumbling down, and I fall apart in his arms.
I’m faintly aware of the others joining us, of bodies pressing in all around me, but instead of feeling suffocated, it’s like all of them are holding me together, and Mason’s words flitter across my mind—When you’re unable to fight your battles, you’ve others who will stand up and fight them for you.
I’m not alone. I never was.
Chapter 15
The moment Hadley fell apart in Hawk’s arms, we all felt it—the change in the air—and we moved as one, crowding around them and embracing them in a group hug. I don’t know what happened that she ended up beating up some kid, but I think it was the catalyst she needed in order to realize she’s not okay. She’s not coping, and she’s unable to get herself through it alone. I think we’ve all been waiting for this moment. It was only a matter of time before it all became too much for her.
She cried herself to the point of exhaustion before Hawk carried her to her room.
“Is she okay?” I ask when he enters the room again.
Sighing, he collapses into a seat and shakes his head. “Far from it, but I think she will be.” He pins Beck with a look. “This is a good thing, right?”
Beck nods. “Yeah. She’s been living in denial, trying to shove everything she’s feeling in a box and avoid dealing with it.”
“What happens now?”
“I’m not sure. Let her dictate that, and we can go from there.”
“I take it we all heard what she said?” Mason states, looking at each of us with an expression I can’t quite place.
“About Bowen?” Hawk sneers.
“Do you think he’s the one that cut her up?” I question, feeling both furious and devastated for Hadley all at once.
“Probably,” Hawk spits out the word, and I can see he’s struggling to hold his anger in check.
Beck nods his head in agreement. “He was the one in charge when Lawrence wasn’t around.”
Tension is thick in the air. “Did anyone see him when we were at the compound that night?” I look around at the others, everyone shaking their heads. Great, so we’ve no idea if he’s alive or dead.
I sigh, running my hand through my already messy hair. There’s nothing we can do about him right now. But there is something we can do. “This extra stress with our parents can’t be helping her,” I state. “We need to deal with them as soon as possible. She deserves to leave school and start fresh, with none of this shit following her.”
Beck nods his head in agreement. “I say we go after our father tonight.”
“Tonight?” Hawk questions.