He found me there, when I’d finished about half my beverage. It was inevitable, was it not? I didn’t believe in fate, but it seemed that no matter where I went, he was there. Alexander. Marc. Whatever he choose to call himself.
“I thought it was okay to get a coffee,” I started in apology, hating the words out of my mouth even as I spoke. I sounded afraid and servile and I was none of that. All I’d done was go get a cup of coffee. Only someone trained with Dylan’s particular brand of punishment would deem that a sin.
“It is.” His only reaction to my nervousness was a slight tightening of his lips.
“I’m sorry,” I started again. I didn’t know why I was apologizing over and over. Too much was confusing. My brain was shutting down. The girl that Dylan had trained was rising to the fore. That girl wasn’t fearless or amused or brave. That girl only felt terror.
“Jenny.” His voice was firm. “Will you calm down, please? I’m not annoyed.” He sat down and ordered a latte as well. “Did you eat lunch?” he asked me.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”
“Apologizing again. Please stop. I haven’t eaten either. Shall we grab a sandwich here or do you want to head somewhere else?”
I didn’t care. “This is fine,” I replied. “How did you know where to find me?” I didn’t think he would answer honestly, but I was curious as to what he’d say.
“Some of my guards are following you,” he said openly. “Please don’t be offended. I don’t want to constrain your movements in any way. But I’m a rich man and as long as you are associating with me, you’ll fall under my protection.”
What would it feel like to be really protected by Alexander? Marc had made me feel protected and cherished in Paris but in a way that felt warm, not suffocating. But Marc didn’t really exist and Alexander was allowed access to Dylan’s Vietnamese compound whenever he desired.
“Okay,” I replied simply, before realizing that if Jenny had never left America, she’d be a lot more worried. “Should I be concerned for my safety?”
He shook his head. “Of course not, cherie,” he soothed. “Most of the time, you won’t notice the guards.”
We both ordered sandwiches and ate them in silence. When we were done eating, I reached for my purse automatically to pay my share and his eyes followed the movement. His lips twisted. “I’ve got this,” he said.
“I hate not paying for myself,” I replied quietly. I didn’t know why I was telling him this. But right from the start, I had found it difficult to maintain my cover around this man. Something about him made me want to tell him the truth and to show him who I really was. He invited realness. “Surely it’s enough that you’ve bid a million dollars for me for the next three months. And the dresses…” My voice trailed off unhappily. “I’m not used to being a kept woman, Alexander.” I didn’t mention the jewelry. I had to believe that was just a loan.
His hand closed over mine. “Jenny.” His voice caressed my soul. “The clothes are necessary so you don’t feel out of place in my world. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He sighed. “I use the auction because it’s time-bound. A three month term, nothing more. For reasons I don’t want to get into, I’m not looking for anything longer than that. But beyond that, can we just let the auction go?” He tried a small smile. “I hate that you are afraid of me.”
My heart hurt at his tone but how could I be anything other than afraid? In Paris two years ago, I’d surmounted my fear because he’d just been a guy in a bar. But now I knew that wasn’t true and every memory of every torment I’d received at Dylan’s hands and at the hands of his bodyguards played in an unending reel in my mind.
But I needed to pretend in order to get to Dylan. Alexander was offering me the perfect way forward. I nodded. “I’m sorry,” I replied. “I guess I have a lot more baggage than I’d realized about my former master.” I tried to keep my voice sincere. “I wasn’t trying to fool anyone, Alexander. I thought I’d gotten over my issues. I didn’t think I’d be afraid. You haven’t given me any reason to fear you. Can we start over?”
“Of course, cherie,” he said warmly. “Now, I’m at your disposal all day. We fly out to Paris tonight, unless you want to stay and sightsee longer in Bangkok?”
I did want to be brave. That wasn’t a lie. But every time he said Paris, part of me thought of Sylvia and panic overtook me.
The other part of me remembered Marc and our night together with yearning. I wasn’t sure which part I should fear most.
“I’ve been here for nearly two weeks,” I told him. “I’ve seen most of the sights.”
“Do you want to go shopping?” he asked.