“Considering all what things Finn?” she asked again before he had a chance to drift off. He had told Havoc he wanted to speak with her, after all, and she wasn’t about to let him off so easy.
“Considering our enemies control the city and it’s not just us you are looking out for now,” he said quietly and let his hand slip down to rest lightly on her stomach.
She considered his words for a breath and then felt her eyes widen. She had suspected she might be with child but hadn’t breathed a word of it to anyone, not even Marrow. “How long have you known?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“Long enough to start serving you tea and grow even more protective about any harm coming to you,” he replied in a voice as soft as her own had been.
“I didn’t know for sure, I thought I might be …,” she trailed off and sighed. While the idea of a child was a pleasant one, now was simply a horrible time to contemplate having one. “I thought you had protections against it. I mean you’ve slept with every woman in the city, I think, and I don’t see little Sovaesh bastards running around,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. She could feel tears welling in the back of her eyes and fought them back. It was not the time to break down crying, no matter how worried she was.
“I had a ring. I stopped wearing it when we were married. You follow Fortune after all and I thought if it was meant to be, it would be. I didn’t quite expect things to take the turn they have though,” he replied and she heard a bit of hesitation in his voice as he spoke.
“And?” she pressed, unsure what, exactly, he was avoiding saying.
“And when I found out you were, I was thrilled. I thought it might be the perfect way to convince you to let me get you out of this mess we are in,” he said quietly. “I love you, Jala, and I love the thought of having a child with you, but we are in a serious mess right now, all of us. We need to get out of this city and retreat to somewhere safe. It is not the time to try to stand alone. We simply aren’t strong enough. If we try to rebuild Merro right now they will tear us apart.” He paused again and rubbed his face, not looking at her as he spoke. “While it wasn’t the only reason I was happy about the prospect of being a father, I thought that maybe you might listen to reason if it meant protecting our child.”
“You think I’m being unreasonable by wanting to help these people?” she asked, trying to digest his words and sort through the roiling emotions they created. From the way he spoke, it sounded as if he wanted her pregnant to use the child as leverage. She felt a sick feeling in her stomach and pulled back away from him.
“Jala, please don’t,” Finn began as she climbed from the bed. “I don’t think I phrased that well. Please let me explain better,” he said, sitting up in the bed and watching her closely.
She shook her head slightly, not wanting to look at him. “No, I don’t want to fight with you Finn and I need to think. I think I understood you perfectly and …,” she trailed off and shook her head. Hastily, she pulled her dress back on over her head and left the room, ignoring his quiet protest behind her. She heard Marrow rise and follow but didn’t spare a glance back to the Bendazzi.
The hall was silent as she closed the door behind her. Apparently everyone else was resting. She made her way quietly up the stairs, brushing at the tears that were threatening to fall. With luck she wouldn’t run into any of her friends. Right now she simply wanted to be alone to think. The idea of explaining what was wrong to anyone, brought a lump to her throat. Pausing part way up the stairs, she summoned a spell to her mind. Magical transport was a dangerous proposition, but at the moment it sounded better than talking to anyone. She began the spell hastily before she changed her mind.
“Jala, wait, don’t!,” she heard Finn call as the magic washed over her and Marrow. She caught the faintest glimpse of his form in the hall as he rushed toward her. The expression on his face was agonized.
*
She looked around in mild shock at her surroundings. She hadn’t focused well when she cast the transport spell, and she was lucky it had worked properly at all. All she had wanted was to be alone where no one would bother her and now she clearly was alone. She was standing in the center of her old room in the Morcaillo hall. Dead flowers covered every surface in the room. Apparently no one had thought to throw out Madren’s gifts after she had left. Marrow tested the air beside her and then looked up at her with a questioning look in his yellow eyes. She ignored him and looked around the room, studying the locked door and the barred windows. She doubted anyone had been in this hall since Shade had left the city.