I nod.
“At first I thought a baby would be the ticket to my freedom. That maybe by having a child, I would gain Tiernan’s respect. That he would allow me to live in a home like this one to raise his children and let me have a life of my own without too much of his interference or presence.”
She sighs.
“But I was lying to myself, Shay. I now know the real reason why I want a baby so much. I need love in my life. Unconditional and pure,” she explains, looking straight at me, ensuring she kills me with the sadness mixed with hope in her eyes.
“When I left my home to move here, I knew all that was waiting for me was a life full of hatred and resentment. I can’t live like that, Shay. I need to love something, someone, and be loved in return. Having a baby from my body, from my blood, will ensure that at least I’ll have one pure thing in my life. Someone I can be totally devoted to, and who, in turn, will love me back with all their heart. The closest I’ve ever come to that type of love was the affection I felt for my baby brother, Francesco.”
“If you think a baby is the answer to your loneliness, you’re wrong.”
“Not to my loneliness. But to my aching heart. My baby will be a vessel to receive all the love I have to give. And I have so much of it inside me, Shay. So much. It’s almost stifling how much of it I have dwelling inside my chest, begging to be set free.”
“I can see that.”
She lowers her gaze from mine, embarrassed by her confession. As if it’s completely mortifying to admit she needs love in her marriage to a man who has spent most of his with blood pouring down his hands—if it was even possible a man like me could relate to or even fathom such a need.
But I understand perfectly.
Until her, I might not have known the first thing about love, but the more time I spend with her, the more I begin to have a sense of the feeling. And it’s not just because I want to play with her body until she screams out my name. It’s also because the small insights she’s given me into her heart threaten the sanity of my own.
I eat up the small distance between us, pick up her chin with my knuckles, and stare into her eyes.
“You can love me, petal,” I hear myself say, shocked that I mean every word.
Her eyelashes flutter a mile a minute, not knowing what to say. But before she has time to say anything, I press my lips against hers in the chastest kiss I can muster.
“You can love me. And if you want, I can love you right back.”
Her gaze remains on me as her shallow breathing kisses my cheeks.
We just stand there, staring at one another, unsure of what to say next.
When the persistent agent returns, I almost let out an exhale of gratitude, thankful she wants this sale so badly. Bad enough that she would disturb what undoubtedly looked like a very intimate moment between man and wife.
“Shall I show you the back gardens now, or would you prefer to see the large entertaining area up on the roof?”
“The roof will be fine.” Rosa doesn’t say anything more than that and follows the agent out of the room, leaving me to stew in my own fucking torment.
Another hour passes before we are saying our goodbyes to Morgan, telling her to expect a phone call from us soon. I’m almost disappointed that Rosa loved the house so much. If she hadn’t, then I would still have an excuse to see her every day. I doubt Tiernan will let me get close to her again alone. Not after the little stunt I pulled this morning.
Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy.
“Shay! Rosa!” I hear a familiar voice call out to us.
My smile is immediate when I see my Ma push a sullen Darren out of her way so she can walk over to us. I chuckle when I see he’s still pissed that I ordered him to stay back in his SUV with his other goons while Rosa and I went inside.
“I was coming from the market when I saw your car parked out front. Had to see what my wicked lad was up to.”
My mother laughs, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me by the hem of my t-shirt so I can bend down and let her kiss my cheek.
“And I see whatever mischief you got going on, you decided to recruit your brother’s wife, too.” She smiles, patting Rosa’s cheeks lovingly.
While Tiernan has always been glued to Athair’s hip since he was a toddler, I’ve always been more of a momma’s boy myself. Sure, I can crack a joke at the spin of a hat like my Da and have everyone busting a gut, but it’s when I flip the switch and leave them in stitches with my knife that people truly see the resemblance between us and say that I’m more like my father than most of his other sons. True as that may be, I’ve always had a softer spot for my Máthair.
Saoirse Kelly doesn’t have one mean bone in her. She’d take in any stray, feed it and give it a home, even if everyone around her told her that the damn thing would end up using its sharp fangs to bite her for her troubles. I guess I’ve always been a sucker for women with soft hearts and kind eyes. It sure would explain my inconvenient feelings for my brother’s wife.
“So? Are you going to tell me what you two are doing here, or do I have to guess?”
“Shay and I were just house hunting, Mrs. Kelly. Tiernan has offered to buy me a home as a wedding present,” Rosa lies with a straight face.
But then again, I can’t fault her for not wanting to tell my Ma the truth about how Tiernan negotiated the home to be included in their disfunctional and fucked-up arrangement.
“Now, lass, what did I tell you about being so formal with me? Call me Saoirse. Or better yet, call me Ma or Máthair since you’re my daughter now.”
See?
Biggest heart this side of Boston you’ll ever encounter.