Or maybe—and this feels like a more realistic reason—I’m just not the type of woman who can have sex just for the sake of having it without feelings being involved.
I might have just romanticized the whole event, and what I felt when Shay and Colin touched me was just one-sided.
Right now, my world has been tipped on its axis, and I’m not sure which way is up or down. All I know is that when I slept with Tiernan, it was raw, unadulterated passion. Maybe hatred spurred that sentiment on, making our moments of intimacy that much more intense.
With Shay and Colin, however, I felt the opposite. I felt delicate. Precious—even loved.
I felt like I could breathe.
With Tiernan, I didn’t feel like I could even touch him without being reprimanded for it.
Shay begged for my touch.
His blue eyes burned at the way my hand ran down his chest.
And as for Colin?
His ardent caresses made me feel like he had never been in the possession of something so precious.
It reminded me of the way he would stare at a landscape painting he liked and want to submerge himself in it. Get lost in something beautiful since his world is anything but.
I liked the power they both let me have.
To wield it against them.
The way they fell apart just by being with me.
It’s not at all what I expected.
A part of me even screamed for me to put a stop to this before I even walked into the room. Only my pride and stubbornness prevented me from backpedaling and calling the whole thing off.
I made a deal with the devil, and if my soul was the price I had to pay to get what I wanted, then so be it.
“Come here,” Tiernan commands once he’s made himself comfortable in his spot.
I hesitate just for a second but think better of it when he flexes his fists. As much as I didn’t want to look at my husband as his men had their way with me, every so often, my gaze was drawn to his. All throughout the scene, Tiernan’s expression remained completely stoic, as if he was just watching an old rerun of a television show and not his wife having sex with two men at the same time.
The only telltale sign I was able to see that he was affected by what was happening in front of him was the way his hands would ball into fists and then release open every few seconds.
“I won’t ask again,” he says when I’ve taken longer to execute his command.
I begin to get up off the bed, clinging to the bedsheet for protection, when he shakes his head and stops me cold in my tracks.
“Tsk tsk,” he taunts. “I want you to come to me naked like you are now. Crawl your way over to me, wife. And do it fast. My patience is wearing thin as it is.”
My chest, neck, and cheeks burst into flames at his order, but like the stubborn fool that I am, I let go of the sheet and slide out of the bed, just to go onto my hands and knees, crawling my way over to him. The sardonic smile that crests his lips has my lower belly fluttering.
When did I become such a masochist?
Or was it his sadism that brought it out of me?
I try not to think too much on the answers to those questions and inch closer to him until my knees land close to the tips of his Italian loafers.
“Sit,” he commands, like I’m a bitch in heat who needs to be ordered around.
I sit back on my haunches and hold my head up high so he can see that no matter how he treats me, how belittling his words are, I’ll always have my pride.
He leans into me, his face within a hair’s breadth of mine.
“Tell me, wife,” he begins, his knuckles caressing my cheek, while his other hand uncaps my lipstick and twists it open. “Was that all you envisioned? Did it live up to your high expectations?”
I don’t answer him. I don’t dare utter a word. Instead, I remain perfectly still as he keeps stroking the back of his hand on my cheek.
“You’ve surprised me,” he confesses, and to this, my forehead creases, breaking the schooled features I was trying so hard to keep intact. “I can count on one hand how many people have surprised me in my lifetime. I never expected one of them to be you.”
He pulls back just an inch, his gaze falling to my chest. I don’t have to look down to see that my nipples are pointing at attention in his direction. My body, unlike my mind, finds Tiernan’s gaze on it one of the most exhilarating things it has ever experienced. I continue to look straight into his peculiar eyes as he uses my lipstick to write something just above my breasts. When he’s done branding me with my own lipstick, he throws the tube on the floor, leans back into his seat, and admires his handiwork.
I don’t give him the satisfaction of looking down.
“I’m curious. Did you like my brother’s cock inside you?”
Yes.
“My cousin’s?”
Yes.
“I want the truth. I think after all of this, I’m entitled to it after all.”
“Does it matter if I liked it or not, as long as the end goal is met?” I utter with steel in my voice.
“Right. How could I forget? You want a baby. I never would have assumed you had baby fever when I met you.”
“I don’t.”
“But you still want one?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” he asks sternly, as if the mere idea of a woman wanting a child pisses him off.
“Because it’s expected of me,” I lie. “To ensure the treaty is upheld.”
He shakes his head with a scowl.
“I said the truth, wife.”
“My truth is irrelevant and not included in the bargain we made yesterday in your boardroom. If you wanted it, you should have asked for it. Now I’m not in the mood to re-negotiate terms when I’m perfectly content with the ones we’ve already agreed on.”
He tilts his head to the side and carefully scans my face until there isn’t an inch of it he isn’t familiar with.
“I didn’t want this,” he mutters through clenched teeth.
“You didn’t want me, either. I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t always get what you want.”
He leans forward, gripping my chin in his hand, his fingers digging into my flesh.
“Why should I want you? What could you possibly have that a million other women don’t?”