‘How? Why? What has he done?’
Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned back, staring at the beautiful bay window that looked out over Heriot Row. I couldn’t quite meet my dad’s eyes as I admitted, ‘Last Thanksgiving I lied to you. I said I was okay, but I wasn’t.’ I felt the air around him thicken as he tensed. ‘When I left you I went home and went into a crazy meltdown. I cooked a turkey, potatoes, everything, but I burnt it and started to freak out. I mean … really freak out. Luckily, Nate was just dropping by and he caught me in the middle of it and he sat with me while I sobbed all over him about Mom.’ I chanced a glance at my dad and saw his jaw was taut, his eyes bright with sadness. ‘Nate was really there for me, Dad. And he got it. He got me. He lost the love of his life when he was eighteen.’ My voice cracked on the words ‘love of his life.’ ‘She died of cancer.’
‘Jesus.’ Dad bowed his head, drawing his hand down his face as though exhausted by the news.
‘They were childhood sweethearts and by all accounts she was pretty special. He hasn’t been the same since. You can’t tell anyone, Dad. He doesn’t talk about it.’
Dad looked at me, his gaze sharp. ‘Are you seeing him?’
My pulse started racing, my limbs shaking as I lowered my eyes. I couldn’t lie to my dad. I just couldn’t. ‘We’re not in a relationship, if that’s what you’re asking.’
‘Oh, baby girl.’ He groaned as if he was in pain. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’
Feeling tears inexplicably prick my eyes, I looked away and picked up my fork to play with my food again. ‘You can’t say anything. No one knows about us.’
‘And who am I going to tell?’
I smiled weakly at my plate. ‘Are you disappointed in me?’
‘No.’ His hand came down around mine, stilling my nervous movements. ‘But my girl deserves more than whatever you two are up to. You deserve to start making a life with someone. You deserve to be the love of some man’s life.’
Somehow I managed not to cry. Instead, I smiled brightly at him, pushing all the negative stuff into my deep, dark pit. ‘Believe it or not, Nate has taken me a hundred steps closer to finding that.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You don’t need to, Dad. Just know that I’m better than I have been in a really long time.’
He studied me for a moment. ‘Okay. I’m glad, sweetheart.’
My phone rang, interrupting our heart-to-heart. Seeing Jo’s face on my screen, I reached for the phone hurriedly, as I realized she was probably calling about Joss. ‘Hey.’
‘Ellie just called,’ she said without preamble.
‘And?’
‘Joss is pregnant.’
I froze, frowning as I looked over at Dad. ‘Isn’t that good news?’
Jo sighed heavily. ‘I think it’s stirred up some ghosts, Liv.’
Understanding, I squeezed my eyes closed in empathy. ‘Her family?’
‘Aye.’ Jo’s exhalation was shaky. ‘Ellie says Braden’s pretty upset by Joss’s reaction. It’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life.’
I felt terrible for them. ‘They just got married. This whole time is supposed to be amazing for them.’
‘Yeah. Anyway, I knew you were worried, so I thought I’d let you know.’
‘Thanks, Jo. We’ll talk later.’
After we hung up, I turned to my waiting father. ‘Joss is pregnant.’
Dad looked just as confused as I’d felt at first. ‘That’s not a good thing?’
‘From the sounds of it, it’s opened some old, very painful wounds … about her family.’
‘Sometimes that happens. It’s just … something … triggers it. And you’re feeling everything all over again.’
I guess we understood that too. ‘I just hope she can get through it.’
‘She will.’ Dad sounded certain. ‘Braden’s her family. She’ll fight through it for him.’
I could only hope my optimistic father was right, because if anyone deserved happiness it was Joss and Braden Carmichael.
18
The trip to Longniddry could not have come at a better time. For Joss it meant she had a valid excuse to be antisocial, since more than half of her social crew had gone out of the city for the weekend, and for me it meant the hope of some much-needed clarity.
Spending time with Nate’s family, in an entirely different environment, would allow me to see him in a different light too. It also meant we would have to spend time without any shenanigans, and honestly I thought I was in need of a breather from it. Not because I wanted a breather, but because I was hoping that being free of his sexual spell would give me the courage to end what we’d started.