“Oh. Oh, God, here I—oh I’m—”
His eyes rolled closed, cock swelling hugely against my tongue before he spilled with a helpless groan, warm and deep inside.
Niall’s hands went limp before falling to my shoulders. I pulled away, swallowing as I kissed the head before kissing his hip and sitting back on my heels.
He opened his eyes, taking a deep breath as he stared down at me. “Well. Right. That was . . .”
I stared up at the still-hard cock lying free of his pants, the bright spots of lipstick down his torso, the look of bewildered bliss curving across his perfect mouth.
Looking up at him, I said, “I feel like a criminal with a very obvious trail of evidence here.”
He laughed, staring down the length of his body. “I certainly do not feel like the victim of a crime.” His broad hands came down, maneuvering himself back into his boxers and fastening his pants. “I’m quite at a loss for words.”
“Good.” I ran a fingertip along the side of my mouth, grinning proudly up at him.
He reached down for my elbow, helped me up. “Your knees . . . ?”
“Are fine.”
In silence, we worked together to button his shirt, and then I smoothed my hands across his shoulders while he carefully reknotted his tie. I wanted him to pull me into his arms, kiss me, taste his pleasure on my lips.
“Ruby?”
I looked up at his face. “Hmm?”
“Thank—”
I reached for his lips, my heart drooping. “Don’t.”
“Don’t say thank you?” he asked from behind my fingers.
“No.”
Niall looked momentarily at a loss, before reaching up and gently pulling away my hand. “But it was astounding.”
“For me, too.”
His gaze flickered back and forth between my eyes. “Truly?”
“When you want someone as much as I want you, giving pleasure is almost better than getting it.”
He fell silent; his thumb coming up to stroke a bottom lip that I’m sure no longer had a hint of lipstick remaining.
“Am I a mess?” I asked.
“Mmm,” he hummed, bending and kissing me once. “Quite. I rather like it.”
He returned, kissing me deeper, lips parting and sucking, and, finally, tongue sliding along mine.
When he pulled back, he watched where his index finger drew small circles at the hollow of my throat.
“I’m still a bit amazed at the . . .” he began, and then shook his head a little before pressing his lips together.
“Intensity?” I asked.
“Yes. The intensity. But then I’m never sure . . .”
I waited for him to finish, but he simply nodded and said a quiet “Well.”
I suddenly knew what Max meant about chipping away at the outside. It wasn’t about seducing Niall in the first place. It was about keeping him from turning back inward immediately afterward.
“Let me go clean up.” I stretched, kissing his cheek and then turning for the door. Opening it, I took a peek in the hallway before making a dash to the restroom.
Inside, I stared at my reflection: at the swollen pink mouth, the hint of red in a halo all around it, the mascara blurred from my watery eyes while I sucked him.
I didn’t really need Niall to finish that thought. I knew what he would say even if he didn’t know it himself: I’m a bit amazed at the intensity . . . But then I’m never sure what to do with you afterward.
If Niall was as distracted as I was that afternoon, he didn’t show it. His attention barely wandered from the speaker as she unveiled one plan after another. He took meticulous notes, and barely spared a glance in my direction. I could still remember the shape of him against my lips, could hear the choppy, gasping breath he took just before he came. But I could not believe I’d done that in our office. My recklessness was escalating.
I’d be damned if I ever apologized for wanting something sexual, but I didn’t want to let it make me irresponsible.
Still . . . after this morning, then the blow job, then his retreat back into his own thoughts, I felt insecure. And I hated feeling insecure.
Beneath the table, I slid my foot closer until it touched his. Startling, he looked over at me and I could see in his expression when he understood that I need to know that what I did was okay with you.
And in the same way my kisses were hidden under his expensive clothes, his ankle wrapped around mine beneath the table. A secret only the two of us shared.
I’d never considered how many nerves might exist in the human foot before, but for the next two hours I grew aware of every single one. I noticed every shift of his leg and every brush of fabric. I could feel the heat of his body so close and yet I couldn’t do anything. It was maddening. When he stood to take the floor himself, my eyes bore into the places I knew were marked with red. I kept my face impassive, but inside, I burned.
Being back in the States didn’t mean my responsibilities back in England had lessened. In the time I wasn’t with Niall, I had to put in extra hours. My coursework was finished, but if I hoped to get into Professor Sheffield’s program in the fall, I had some catching up to do. Nothing could suffer at this stage, which was exactly why, at the end of the day, I decided to opt out of a group dinner that night, even if it would have meant time with Niall.
As the global lead on the team, Niall couldn’t back out. So, with a small, apologetic glance in my direction, he told everyone he would meet them in a half hour at the restaurant.
I moved to the elevator and shivered a little when he came in behind me. We’d been able to spend nearly every second together the past couple of weeks but would be apart tonight. I felt a little petulant in my unwillingness to share.
“All right?” he asked quietly as a few other people came in after us.
“I’m good.” I smiled at him over my shoulder. “Just need to be an adult for a few hours and feeling bratty about it.”
He couldn’t exactly kiss me or do anything even mildly physically reassuring. It was just that everything still felt so precarious. Our relationship was starting to feel like a towering house of cards, and in a way I understood why he was inclined to take the physical side of things slowly: there was no established us yet. No moments where I felt like, wow, this guy is totally my boyfriend.
There was also a tiny part of me that suspected I’d complicated his thoughts further by telling him about Paul. I was being truthful when I said I still thought about what happened from time to time, but what I gathered most from those moments was a sense of pride that I had worked through it, and that I hadn’t let it dictate how I felt about myself or who I would be. I needed to make sure he knew that.
“You’ll be at the hotel working?” he asked.
I nodded and he followed me out of the building. “I’ll walk you there.”
Smiling up at him, I whispered, “Thanks.”
Cabs jerked past us, honking. The cold March wind seemed to lash us with sharp fingertips. Niall put an arm around me, awkwardly maneuvering us through the crowd, bending to speak close to my ear. “If I ever forget to tell you, it helps me immeasurably that you’re so honest. For the record, I don’t think you’re being bratty. I’m pouting on the inside.”
And like that, butterflies. Lots of them.
We chatted about the meeting, about what was coming up in the summit over the next few days. He held my hand and I realized with some pride that I’d grown accustomed to his long strides; we walked easily in tandem. But there was still the thing between us.
“You wanted honesty?” I whispered during the elevator ride in the hotel, using the excuse to lean into him.
“Yes.”
I tilted my head to look up at his face. “Was today too fast?”
He swallowed, immediately understanding. “Maybe a bit. But I’m not sure I wanted to stop you, or whether I could have.”
I closed my eyes, feeling faintly sick.
“Or whether I should have,” he added quietly, placing his finger under my chin to turn my face back up to his. “Ruby, it was amazing.”
I nodded, forcing a smile. “Will you come by my room later? When you’re back from dinner?”
He looked at me for a long moment, eyes meeting mine and holding there, and then he nodded in agreement, bending to kiss me once, sweetly.
“Let yourself in, if you want to,” I said, placing my extra keycard in his hand. “I have a ton to do so I may be up all night or . . . who knows, maybe I’ll fall asleep at the desk in a puddle of my own drool.”
He laughed and I adored him so much in that moment it was like a punch to my stomach. With one more kiss to my lips, he slipped the key into his pocket. I got out of the elevator at our floor and waved, watching him disappear between the closing doors.