Thomas drove through and chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“Trevino,” Thomas said, resting his elbow on the bottom of the window and touching his lips with his fingers.
I frowned. Anytime anything came into contact with his lips, a mixture of depression and jealousy swirled inside me. It was an awful feeling, and I wondered when it would stop. “Am I a running joke?”
Thomas looked over at me and switched his driving hand. Then, my hand was in his, and he squeezed.
“No. Why would you think that?”
“What is so amusing?”
Thomas pulled into the parking garage and put the gear into park. He turned back the key, and the engine silenced. “Me. He’s laughing at me. I don’t bring people to work. I don’t smile when I check in, and I damn sure don’t ask him about his family. He knows it’s…he knows. Things have been different since you came here.”
“Why is that?” I stared at him, my eyes begging him to say the words.
Admittedly, I was too proud and stubborn to break my vow to the Bureau without insurance. Coffee, odd jobs around my condo, even his hand in mine weren’t enough. I was okay with being second to his job. When we were both committed to the Bureau, it somehow canceled the other out. But I wouldn’t come in third.
His cell phone rang, and when he noticed the name on the display, his entire demeanor changed. His eyebrows pulled in, and he sighed.
“Hey,” Thomas said, his face tight. He let go of my hand and looked away. “I told you I would. I, uh…” He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. “I can’t. My flight doesn’t land until an hour prior to Trav’s arrival at the hotel. Okay…tell me what?”
Thomas looked down, and his shoulders sagged. “You are? That’s great,” he said, failing to cover the devastation in his voice. “Uh, no, I understand. No, Trent, I get it. It’s okay. Yeah, I’m happy for you. I am. Okay. All right. See you then.”
Thomas pressed End and then let the phone fall to his lap. He held the steering wheel with both hands, his grip twisting so hard that his knuckles turned white.
“Want to talk about it?”
He shook his head.
“Okay. Well…I’ll be in my office if you change your mind.”
Just as I reached for the lever, Thomas grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to him, his amazingly soft lips melting against mine. Everything around us blurred, and I was transported back to the night we’d met—the desperate hands, his tongue deep in my mouth, his blazing hot sweaty skin against mine.
When he finally let me go, I grieved. Even though it had been my lips against his, when we’d parted, I was still left with that awful feeling.
“Damn it, Liis. I’m sorry,” he said, looking just as shocked as I was.
I was breathing slow but deep, still leaned in a bit.
“I know you don’t want a relationship,” he said, angry with himself. “But I’ll be goddamned if I can’t stay away from you.”
“I can relate,” I said, smoothing my hair away from my face. “Trent?” I asked, nodding to his cell phone.
He looked down and then back at me. “Yeah.”
“What did he say that upset you?”
Thomas hesitated, clearly not wanting to answer. “He was talking to me about Travis’s bachelor party.”
“And?”
“He’s the entertainment.”
“So?”
Thomas shifted nervously. “He, uh…has a deal with Camille.” He shook his head. “A while back, she agreed to marry him if he did something crazy and embarrassing. He’s going to do it at Trav’s party, and then he’s…” His eyes fell. He looked heartbroken. “He’s going to ask Camille to marry him.”
“Your ex.”
He nodded slowly.
“The one you’re still in love with. And then you kiss me to stop thinking about it?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “I’m sorry. It was a shit thing to do.”
My first reaction was to be angry. But how could I be angry when kissing him was all I’d thought about since we met? And how could I be jealous? The woman he loved would very soon be engaged, and he’d practically just given his blessing. All of that logic did me no good. I was envious of a woman I’d never met and who would never be with Thomas. I couldn’t be mad at him, but I was furious with myself.
I pulled at the lever. “Squad Five is meeting at three.”
“Liis,” he called after me.
I walked away as fast as my heels would allow, all the way to the elevator.
The doors closed behind me, and I stood in silence as the numbers climbed. People got on and off—agents, assistants, city leaders—all speaking in hushed tones, if they spoke at all.
When the doors opened on the seventh floor, I stepped out and tried to hurry past Marks’s office. He was always early, and Val was usually in his office, chatting. I snuck by his open door, hearing Val’s voice, and quickly slipped through the security doors. I walked around the corner of the first cubicle, passed another two, and then ducked into my office, closing the door.
I sat in my throne and turned my back to the wall of windows, and I stared at my bookshelf and the view of the city below. I heard a knock but ignored it, and then someone put a file in the holder on my door, leaving me alone. I let the high back of the chair conceal me from the squad room, and I twisted the long black strands of my hair around my finger, thinking about the kiss, the night before, and every time I’d been alone with Thomas since I met him.
He was still in love with Camille. I didn’t understand, and worse, I wasn’t sure of my feelings either. I knew that I cared for him. If I were being honest, that was a gross understatement. The way my body responded to his presence was addictive and impossible to ignore. I wanted Thomas in a way that I’d never felt for Jackson.
Is it worth the mess it might make at work? Is it worth the mess he could make of me?
I pulled my hair out of my mouth after realizing I had been chewing on it. I hadn’t done that since I was a girl. Thomas was my neighbor and my boss. It was illogical and unreasonable to attempt to be anything more, and if I wanted to stay in control of the situation, I had to surrender to that fact.
My door swung open.
“Liis?”
It was Thomas.
I slowly turned around and sat up straight. The anguish in his eyes was unbearable. He was being pulled in two directions just like I was.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’re not the one I’m mad at.”
He shut the door and walked over to one of the club chairs before sitting down. He leaned down, putting his elbows on the edge of my desk. “That was totally out of line. You didn’t deserve that.”
“You had a moment. I get it.”
He stared at me, rattled by my answer. “You’re not a moment, Liis.”
“I have a set goal that I am determined to achieve. Any feelings I might have for you won’t get in the way of those goals. Sometimes, you make me forget, but I always come back to the original plan—a plan that doesn’t include a significant other.”
He let my words simmer for a bit. “Is that what happened with you and Jackson? He didn’t fit into your guidelines for the future?”
“This isn’t about Jackson.”
“You don’t talk about him much.” He sat back.
Shit. I didn’t want to get into this conversation with him.
“That’s because I don’t need to.”
“Weren’t you engaged?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Nothing, huh? Didn’t shed a single tear?”
“I don’t really…do that. I drink.”
“Like that night at Cutter’s?”
“Exactly like that night at Cutter’s. So, I guess we’re even.”
Thomas’s mouth fell open, not even attempting to hide his wounded ego. “Wow. I guess so.”
“Thomas, you of all people should understand. You were faced with the same decision when you were with Camille. You chose the Bureau, didn’t you?”