I sighed. “Remember when I came to California, and I mentioned that feeling that doesn’t go away? It just did.”
T.J. nodded, his eyes floating around as he processed my words. He reached for me, kissed the corner of my mouth, and then walked back to his car, driving away. As the taillights disappeared when he turned the corner, I waited for a feeling of emptiness, or tears, or something to hurt. Nothing happened. It was possible that it just hadn’t hit me, yet. Or maybe I hadn’t been in love with him for a long time. Maybe I was falling in love with someone else.
Raegan opened the door before I knocked, and she handed me a bottle of beer.
“It’s Black Friday!” Sarah said from the couch, smiling. Bo held up his beer, welcoming me inside.
“Less than five weeks to Christmas,” I said, holding up the beer to greet Raegan and Bo. The thought of a Christmas alone made me feel sick to my stomach. Hank would close the Red, so I wouldn’t even have the option of working. I wondered how Felix would explain that away to the boys. Maybe he wouldn’t get the chance. Maybe Mom would kick him out, and the dust would settle enough by then that I could come home.
We sat in the living room chatting for a while, and then Raegan and I crawled into her pink, frilly bed. Posters of Zac Efron and Adam Levine still covered the walls. After we changed into sweats, we lay on our backs and propped our feet on the wall above her headboard, crossing our sock-covered feet at the ankle. Raegan clinked her beer bottle to mine.
“Happy Thanksgiving, roomie,” she said, tucking her chin to take a drink.
“Back atcha,” I said.
My cell phone pinged. It was Trenton, wondering if I’d made it home yet.
I tapped in the words “Staying w Raegan at her parents tonight.”
He replied, “Good. Huge relief. I’ve been worrying about you all day.”
I sent back a wink face, not sure what else to say, and then let the phone fall to the mattress next to my head.
“Trenton or T.J.?” Raegan asked.
“God, when you say it that way, it sounds awful.”
“I happen to know the situation. Who was it?”
“Trenton.”
“Are you worried about T.J. being in town at all?”
“This is so awkward. I keep waiting for him to text me that he’s heard all the dirty details about Trent and me.”
“It’s a small town. It’s bound to happen.”
“I’m hoping whatever brought him here is keeping him too busy to talk to anyone.”
Raegan touched her bottle to mine again. “To impossibilities.”
“Thanks,” I said, drinking the rest in a few swallows.
“It’s not like there are that many dirty details anyway, right?”
I cringed. Trenton wasn’t exactly a virgin or insecure, so admittedly I was more than surprised that not one of the nights he’d spent in my bed did he try to undress me.
“Maybe you should tell him you have glow-in-the-dark condoms in your nightstand from Audra’s bachelorette party,” she said, taking a swig. “That is always a good icebreaker.”
I chuckled. “I also have regular.”
“Oh, right. The Magnums. For T.J.’s tree trunk.”
We both burst out laughing. I giggled until my sides hurt, and then my entire body relaxed. I let out one last sigh, and then flipped around and rested my head on the pillow. Raegan did the same, but instead of lying on her side, she was resting on her belly with her hands tucked beneath her chest.
She looked around the room. “I’ve missed talking about boys in here.”
“What’s it like?” I asked.
Raegan narrowed her eyes at me and smiled, curious. “What is what like?”
“Having that kind of childhood. I can’t imagine wishing I could go back. Not even for one day.”
Raegan’s mouth pulled to the side. “It makes me sad to hear you say that.”
“It shouldn’t. I’m happy now.”
“I know,” she said. “You deserve it, you know. Stop thinking you don’t.”
I sighed. “I’m trying.”
“T.J. should let you tell. It’s not fair to put this burden on you. Especially now.”
“Ray?”
“Yeah?”
“Good night.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SATURDAY MORNING, TRENTON shot me a text that he was at my door, so I hopped up from the love seat and opened it.
“I have a doorbell, you know,” I said.
He frowned, pulling his coat off and hanging it on the closest barstool. “What are we? In 1997?” He grabbed me and flipped us both over the back of the love seat, landing on his back with me on top of him.
“Smooth,” I said, my eyes falling to his lips.
He leaned up and kissed me, and then looked up. “Where’s Ray?”
“With Brazil. They’re on a date. That’s why she left early from work tonight.”
“Weren’t they just arguing yesterday?”
“Hence the date.”
Trenton shook his head. “Am I nuts, or was she happier with Kody?”
“She feels like this is her second chance with Jason, so she’s trying to iron out the kinks, I guess. She said she was staying at his apartment tonight.”
He sat up, bringing me with him. “Did you get your paper written?”
“I did,” I said, lifting my chin. “And my statistics homework finished.”
“Oh!” Trenton said, wrapping his arms around me. “She’s beautiful and smart!”
“Don’t sound so surprised, jerk face!” I said, feigning insult.
Trenton flipped his red ball cap backward, and I giggled as he planted tiny kisses on my neck. When we realized—at the same time—that we were alone and would be all night, my laughter faded.
Trenton leaned in, staring at my lips for a moment, and then pressed his mouth against mine. The way he kissed me was different from before. It was slow, full of meaning. He even held me in a way that made it feel like it was the first time. I was suddenly nervous, and didn’t know why.
His hips moved against mine in such a small movement, I wondered if I’d imagined it. He kissed me again, this time more firmly, and his breath faltered. “God, I want you so fucking bad.”
I ran my fingers down his T-shirt, took the bottom hem in both of my fists, and then pulled. In one fluid movement, Trenton’s shirt was off, and his warm, bare skin was against me. As his tongue found its way to mine, I ran my fingers down his smooth skin, this time settling on the small of his back.
Trenton anchored himself with his elbows, keeping his full weight from bearing down on me, but he still kept the bulge under the fly of his jeans pressed against the tender part just beneath my pelvic bone. His movements were restrained, but I could tell he wanted to get rid of the fabric between us just as much as I did. I wrapped my legs around him, interlocking my ankles behind his ass. He hummed, and then whispered against my mouth. “This isn’t the way I wanted to do this.” He kissed me again. “I wanted to take you to dinner first.”
“Your girlfriend’s a bartender who works on all the good date nights. We’ll make an exception,” I said.
Trenton immediately pulled away from me, searching my face. “Girlfriend?”
I covered my mouth with one hand, feeling my entire face catch fire.
“Girlfriend?” Trenton asked again, this time sounding more like a question and less like a what the fuck moment.
I closed my eyes, and my hand left my mouth to touch my forehead, and then my fingers slid back to grip my hair. “I don’t know why I said that. It just came out.”
Trenton’s expression changed from confused to a surprised, appreciative smile. “I’m good with it if you are.”
The corners of my mouth turned up. “That’s sort of way better than dinner.”
His eyes scanned my face. “Camille Camlin is mine. That’s just crazy.”