Mia glanced up to narrow her eyes at me. “Have you really thought about this, AJ? I mean, have you really stopped to think about what a baby means for you? You actually want to be in this for the long haul? Midnight feedings, diaper duty, teething?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “It’s my kid. There’s no question I want—no I will—be in its life.”
“This can’t be all part of some machismo act of staking claim on what’s yours.”
“Don’t insult the level of my love and feelings for this child—this flesh of my flesh.” I drew in a deep breath before adding, “Or my feelings for you.”
“And just how in the world would the baby and I fit into your lifestyle?”
I ran my hand over my face, pausing to rub the stubble along my cheeks. “I don’t know right at the moment, but I’d make it work—we would make it work. Hell, Bray and Lily have two kids, and they do just fine.”
“But we barely know each other.”
I shrugged. “Then we’ll get to know each other. You can come out on tour—”
“AJ, I have a very demanding career—one I worked very hard to get. I can’t just leave it, so I can follow you around city to city on some cramped bus.”
I couldn’t tell if she was bullshitting me with the career thing. I mean, I knew she was serious about being a nurse, and from Frank’s testimony, she was a damn good one. A part of me understood why she wouldn’t want to give up her life for the rootless and crazy life of a musician, especially one who she wasn’t sure she loved. Hell, I wasn’t completely sold on how much I loved her—I mean, I thought I did. Regardless of the baby, I knew I cared for her more than I had any girl I’d ever been in a relationship with before. I had even gone so far as to tell Mia I loved her once—of course, I was chained to a shower head, so I wasn’t sure how much she believed me or thought I was just playing her to get out.
“Do you love me even a little bit?” I questioned.
“W-What?”
“You heard me.”
Mia sighed. “Don’t ask me that.”
“And why not?”
“Because I don’t have an easy answer for it,” she replied.
“For just a second, let go of the past. Focus on the two weeks we had together.” I leaned forward on the table with my elbows. “It wasn’t just physical, Mia.”
“I know that,” she whispered.
I threw my hands up in frustration and fought not to growl at her. “Then why are you fighting so fucking hard against me? Jesus, Mia, I’m sitting here trying to make this work.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m fighting you. After we…broke up or whatever you want to call it, things have been so crazy.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “But you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
My chest constricted, and I fought to breathe. “You have?” I choked out.
She gave me a sad smile. “Of course I have. I’ve thought of you each and every day—even before I found out about the baby. If I’m honest with you and myself, I haven’t been as happy as I was when I was with you in a long, long time.”
I exhaled a ragged breath. This woman was going to be the fucking death of me. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Listen Mia, I don’t know what you want me to say or do. You have absolutely no reason not to trust me because I never cheated on you. I told you before that I’ve never been a cheater and never will, so you should know I would never do that to you. Trust me, I want to work things out with you, but you’re gonna have to give a little.”
Mia remained silent for some time, twisting the napkin in her lap while chewing on her bottom lip. “Next Thursday is the early gender sonogram. I would love for you to be there.”
“Wow, we’ll know what it is already?”
“Yes.”
My mind began furiously fast-forwarding a week. “Let’s see. We have a show in Philly on Wednesday night.” Mia’s brows rose skeptically as if she already suspected I was going to flake out on her. “But I’m already supposed to be back here on Friday, so I can leave for Mexico. But I can come back a day early.”