Bad Monkeys

“The bad Jane…Let me guess, she only comes out when you’re angry.”


“She was a waitress, you asshole. In the diner…She served us breakfast, but then she disappeared before the check came. She must have left ahead of us and planted the bomb in True’s car. Then she came at me and Wise with the gun…Please tell me Eyes Only caught some of this.”

“The Eyes Only devices inside the diner all malfunctioned shortly before you arrived,” Dixon said. “But we did manage to get some footage from outside.”

A view of the parking lot appeared on the TV screen. It was a high-angle shot, probably from a billboard, centered on the SUV. Wise was standing at the driver’s side, yelling my name…There was an orange-and-yellow flash, followed by a burst of static, and then Wise reached for his ax. I ran into the frame. Now the way I remembered it, I was only drawing my gun at this point, but in the video, I already had it out, aimed straight ahead of me. Wise convulsed and fell down.

“Just wait,” I said. “This isn’t what it looks like…”

On the screen, I crouched beside Wise’s body, checked for a pulse, and then looked up.

“OK. Just watch, here she comes…”

But the video cut out at that point and the blue screen returned, overlaid with the words TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED.

“Oh, come on!” I shouted. “What the fuck, does it only work when it makes me look bad?”

A high giggle filled the room. “She has a point, Dixon. Eyes Only coverage has been very spotty lately.”

The clown mannequin had come to life and was stepping down off its pedestal. Even with both feet on the floor, it was still very tall.

“That’s not unusual, where the Troop is involved,” Dixon said.

“No, I suppose not,” said the clown, and then nodded to me. “Welcome to my demesnes, Jane Charlotte. My name is Robert Love.”

“I didn’t do this,” I said. “I’m being set up. My brother—”

“I know all about your brother. He’s been a thorn in my side for some time now.”

“Yeah, Phil can be like that. And he’s mad at me. And”—I pointed a finger at Dixon—“he doesn’t like me either. Whatever he’s told you—”

“I’m aware Mr. Dixon isn’t fond of you. You’re not fond of me either, are you, Dixon?” He raised a finger to the teardrop under his eye, and pouted. “No love for Love…But then it’s not an inquisitor’s job to be affectionate, is it?”

“Look,” I said, “if I were going to stage an attack, why would I do it this way? I mean, shoot myself with a gun that I couldn’t get rid of? What sense does that make?”

“It does seem rather stupid,” Love allowed. “But then, evil is so very tricky, sometimes…Perhaps you are telling the truth, and you’ve been framed. Or perhaps we’re meant to believe that you’ve been framed so that we’ll trust you, and not recognize that you really are working for the Troop.” He stroked his chin theatrically. “What a puzzle…Are you a good Jane, or a bad Jane?”

“What do you want me to do? How do I prove myself?”

“That’s the question, isn’t it? Your brother is very talented at manipulating perception. It’s one of the reasons the Troop prizes him so highly. If he’s decided to ruin your reputation, such as it is, there may not be anything you can do.” He sighed and shook his head. “Evil…Tricky, tricky evil…Do you know, I was almost evil once…”

“That’s swell,” I said. “But getting back to me—”

“It was when I was younger. I grew up in the desert, not far from here. Abusively strict father, passive mother…Well, I won’t bore you with the details. I had issues, as they say. And when I finally got away to Berkeley, I went wild.”

“You were at Berkeley?”

“Why, do I strike you more as Yale material?”

Matt Ruff's books