And wonder if you ever knew
They say all the things
My mouth never said.
“Somehow one day, one rainy day,
I fell for a smile I can’t have.
And yesterday, yesterday we found,
We found ourselves on different paths.
“Under my bed there’s a box
Filled with these things
My heart has saved.
And even though we said goodbye
I can’t help but keep hold to my faith.
“That out there on some rainy day,
In some other time,
On some other plane.
Our love is waiting for us,
To give us a chance without all this pain.
“Somehow one day, one rainy day,
A girl and a boy will collide.
But this time, this time they’ll stay
Tied as they brave the landslide.”
There was an unexpected hush as the last chord sang from my guitar, but then I felt him.
I turned my head from the mic, confusion furrowing my brow at the sight of Micah standing guitarless by the stool. This wasn’t part of our show.
I opened my mouth to say his name but it turned into a gasp as he clasped my face in his hands and bent down to crush his mouth over mine.
The arena filled with the deafening boom of screams and catcalls as he kissed me with passion. But I knew those kisses. I’d tasted them before. They were Micah’s angry kisses.
And all I could think, all I could fear, was how this was going to be all over entertainment news tomorrow. I couldn’t push him off or get mad at him in front of the fans because it would only make things worse.
Instead I let him kiss me. When he finally let me up for air, he didn’t let go of my face. He had this smug, triumphant gleam in his eyes that fought with the anger. “Thanks for the reminder.”
I put my hand over the mic so the crowd couldn’t hear. “What reminder?”
“That no matter how many morons you fuck, you’ll always be mine.” He kissed my forehead, setting the crowd off even harder, and I swear it took everything in me not to throw my beloved Taylor at his back as he walked offstage.
I fought for composure, turning to the crowd with a shaky smile. Sliding the mic into the stand, I slipped off the stool. “That’s all from us tonight, Glasgow. We’ll see you soon!”
The yells that accompanied us offstage were different. They were even more explosive, fueled by Micah’s little performance. I met Brandon’s gaze as we walked offstage and he appeared ready to murder Micah.
“You okay?”
I shook my head. “Let me deal with it.”
“What the hell was that?” Gayle cried as we gathered in the wings, the thrum of the crowd growing more frenzied. “Is this something that’s been added to the show that I didn’t know about?”
I bet our manager was glad she’d decided to join us for the last leg of our European tour. She was going to be even happier when she heard what I had to say.
I glowered at Micah who stared back at me defiantly. “What the fuck was that?”
He shrugged. “Giving them a show.”
“Do you realize that you’ve stirred all that tabloid shit up even worse?” I yelled to be heard. “Do you even care?”
“Look, we need to get back out there,” Austin interrupted.
“Yeah, we do. And now thanks to this idiot, I have to go out there and pretend that I don’t want to rip his face off!”
“Oh, come on, Skylar, it was just a kiss!” he yelled.
Brandon moved toward him but I clamped my hand on his arm to stop him. I stepped forward with deathly seriousness. “I am not yours. I don’t belong to you.”
“Tell yourself whatever you need to hear.” His eyes burned in anguish. “But we both know the truth, and being apart is ridiculous bullshit!”
“No, it’s my choice. And you know what else is my choice? Whether I stay with this band or not.”
“Wait, what?” Gayle looked panicked.
“Yeah, you heard me. You sort out your shit, Micah, or I walk.”
Everyone stared at each other.
“Guys, you need to get back out there!” the stage manager shouted.
“Well?”
“Fine!” Micah bullied past me and stormed up the stage steps.
I shared an exhausted look with the boys and we hurried after him.
As soon as I hit those lights, I plastered on a big smile and waved for the crowd. We immediately broke into the song that had exploded us into the stratosphere when it became the lead song on the soundtrack to a huge teen dystopian movie. Usually when I sang it, I plugged into how I felt sitting in the movies that first time, hearing our song on the end credits of a box-office hit. It was the kind of moment I clung to, to remind myself there were moments where all the stuff I hated about my life seemed almost worth it.
That night I could barely focus on the lyrics, let alone that feeling.
I got through it, trying not to buckle under the weight of failure. Not only did I hate this life I was so sure I’d wanted, but I was failing at it. Because of a toxic teen romance. We were a fucking cliché.
The relief was unreal as I walked off that stage. I shot past everyone, heading straight for my dressing room.
It hadn’t even closed behind me when it burst open and Micah stormed in.
“Are you kidding me with this?” I hissed.
“I’m only here to say one thing. Don’t threaten the band because of us. It’s an empty threat.”
“Meaning?”
“You would never quit the band because it isn’t in you to give up.” His expression softened. “It’s one of the things I admire most about you.”
I shook my head, feeling an overwhelming sadness embrace me. “I might give up. If it begins to hurt too much.”
Micah immediately looked ashamed. “I fucked up,” he whispered. “Again. I . . . I get stuck in my own head and I don’t think. I didn’t think. I . . . I pissed all over you like a big dumb dog. And I messed up.”
I nodded, my anger softening at his apology. “You promise this is behind us? That this won’t happen again?”
After a moment’s hesitation, he nodded and turned to leave. But then he had to look back over his shoulder at me. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you never stop punishing me for that night.”
As soon as he walked out, my whole body sagged. I slid down the wall, pulling my knees into my chest. My head buzzed like always with the sound of the crowd. I went to bed after gigs and that’s all I could hear as physical exhaustion drove me into sleep. Sometimes the crowd was all I could hear when I woke up the next morning too.
And now, whispering through the chaotic hum of the crowd, I could hear Micah’s whisper repeating over and over, “I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop loving you.”
The messed-up thing was, as much as it hurt, I knew it would hurt worse if he ever actually did stop loving me.
I wanted to call my mom and tell her all about it. But then I’d remembered the time she sold her car and bought this cheap little thing that kept breaking down and making her late for work. And she did that so she could pay for me and Micah to go to California with the band for this spotlight competition we auditioned for. We got to play for a real label. We were only fifteen.
We didn’t win a record contract.
But she never stopped having faith. Brandon’s parents were so mad about it, they sold his drums and said we couldn’t practice in his basement anymore.
So my mom worked overtime for three months while we all got part-time jobs after school. And between us and Mom, we saved enough to buy new drums for Brandon. She also stopped parking her crappy car in the garage and let us soundproof it so we’d have a place to practice.
I remembered her yelling at Bryan that he could pack his stuff and leave if he wasn’t prepared to support me. He did leave. She cried for days. I didn’t like the guy, but I was never so relieved as I was when he came back.
Still, she’d almost lost the one man she’d fallen for since my dad died, and it would’ve been my fault.
Every hardship, every month we struggled to pay the bills, it was because of me.
All our conversations, our planning, my guitar and singing lessons, everything was about me.