Victoria sat silently in Seth’s passenger seat. Possibilities raced through her mind. She’d envisioned knocking on the door and falling into her happy mother’s arms, as her mother sobbed about the baby who’d been taken from her. She’d thought of driving by and never going back. What if the address was fake? What if it was a prank? What if the woman hated her?
She was nauseous.
Seth squeezed her hand. He’d held her hand the entire time in the car, making her worry as he merged onto the freeway. “We’ll just take a look. Maybe knock on the door. Don’t get your hopes up about anything,” he reminded her.
Victoria nodded. He’d said the same thing a half-dozen times. He was as nervous as she was.
“You’re sighing,” Seth stated.
“I know. I can’t help it. I swear every nerve I have is on edge.”
“Lack of sleep and the possibility of seeing your birth mother will do that to anyone.”
The GPS announced they’d arrived at their destination. Seth parked across the street at the curb and turned off the car.
Victoria studied the small home. They were in an old neighborhood in southeast Portland. The lots were close together and the homes looked incredibly tiny. And run-down. Even she could tell the home needed a new roof. A chain-link fence bordered the yard, keeping trespassers from stepping foot in the straggly grass.
Her heart sank. This was no childhood dream home.
The home’s door opened and a woman stepped out. Victoria held her breath. The woman headed for the mailbox unit on their side of the street, letters in her hand. She was tall and too thin, and a cigarette dangled from her side of the mouth. Her black hair was heavily streaked with gray. Victoria heard Seth draw in a breath.
“Holy cow,” he breathed.
Victoria could see it. The woman’s carriage was identical to hers. She put her hand on the car handle and pulled, before she could talk herself out of it. She stepped out of the car, ignoring Seth’s whispers to stop. She moved toward the woman, a light drizzle of rain dusting her face.
“Excuse me,” she said to the woman as she locked her mail slot with a key.
The woman turned, eyeing her suspiciously. “Yes?”
She had brown eyes like Victoria, but her face was heavily lined. An obvious smoker. Michael had said the woman was in her fifties; this woman appeared to be in her late sixties. Life had beaten her down. “Are you Isabel Favero?”
The woman stared. “Who wants to know?”
Victoria’s mind blanked. What should she say? Your possible daughter? She couldn’t speak. Seth appeared beside her and greeted the woman.
“I’m Seth Rutledge. I’m a pathologist at the medical examiner’s office. You must have seen from the news that we’re dealing with the recent murders of those teen girls and reevaluating the remains from the old killings decades before, right?” He took Victoria’s hand again.
“What about it?” Isabel said rudely. She crossed one arm over her chest and fiddled with her cigarette.
“We’ve managed to identify one of the older sets of remains,” Seth said quickly. “Are you familiar with the name Lucia Cavallo? She used to live in your house.”
Victoria froze. Apparently Seth could think fast on his feet. Isabel eyed Seth. “What’s that have to do with me?”
He gave a charming grin. “Nothing, of course. Our research showed the home is in your name now, but we wanted to just get a feel for the woman’s past. It helps to see things sometimes, you know. Like where she lived.”
Victoria wanted to melt into the sidewalk. What kind of bullshit was Seth feeding her?
Isabel pointed her cigarette at Seth. “You can’t look in my house,” she snapped.
Seth held up both his hands. “I wouldn’t dream of asking. I just wanted to let you know why we were in front of your house. Some people are instantly suspicious.”
“You got ID?” She glared at both of them.
Seth pulled out his wallet, and Victoria did the same. The women peered at their identification from the medical examiner’s offices. She took a good look at Victoria’s picture and then her face and handed it back. Victoria held her gaze for a split second, searching for any kind of recognition in the woman’s eyes. She saw nothing. Isabel spent longer with Seth’s.
“This is from California.”
“I’m in the process of moving to the Oregon office,” answered Seth.
She handed back his identification. “I don’t know nothing about that name you said. You figure out who killed all those women back then?”
“Not yet.” Victoria found her voice.
Isabel sniffed. “Some psycho asshole, probably. People are crazy.” She took a puff on her cigarette and blew it to the side.
Victoria wanted to leave. She wanted to run away and forget she’d ever seen this woman.
“Whole world is full of crazy jerks. Men who take advantage of young women. Those women probably trusted the man who killed them.” Isabel glared at Seth.
“Maybe it’ll turn out to be a woman who did it,” Seth suggested.
“Maybe. I’ll put my money on a man. Those poor women got screwed over, and he walked away scot free for decades, because no one gives a rip.”
“That’s not true,” Victoria interjected. “You don’t know how hard the police are working to figure this out. Even decades ago they struggled to find the killer.”
Isabel gave a condescending sneer. “Aren’t you the optimist? Men rule this world, honey. That’s how it’s always been. You may have some big position, but who’s your boss? A man, right?”
“Well, yes. But—”
“Proves my point.” Isabel turned her focus back to Seth, Victoria written off. “Stay away from my house,” she ordered. She spun and headed back to her home.
Victoria couldn’t move. What just happened?
“The police will probably be in touch,” Seth said to the retreating back.
“I got nothin’ for them,” Isabel tossed over her shoulder.
You have nothing for me.
Victoria’s numb feet tripped on her way to the car. She slammed her door closed and started to shake uncontrollably. Seth started the motor and cranked up the heat, pointing all the vents at her. She buried her fisted hands between her legs and fought down the nausea. Bile burned the back of her throat. That wasn’t her mother. The woman sauntered back across the street and vanished in her palace.
Not my mother.
I help people. I don’t have that anger in me.
Possibly Isabel was her mother by blood, but she would never be her mother in spirit. Victoria fought to recall the memories of her adoptive parents. Their beautiful faces danced through her memory and tears burned down her cheeks.
“I did not like her,” Seth stated. His hands gripped the wheel as he drove straight ahead. “If that was your birth mother, you inherited nothing from her. Nothing at all.” He pounded his palm on the steering wheel in time with his last three words. “Damn it! I knew this wasn’t a good idea.”
“No, I’m glad we came,” Victoria said. “I had to know.”
“You didn’t find out anything. Without testing, you don’t know if that’s your mother.”
She breathed deep, seeking calm. “I know who my mother is.”
“No! You can’t say—”
“My mother died when I was in my twenties. She and my father loved me and brought me up to love the people around me.” She looked at Seth. His profile was hard and angry. He brushed at an eye with the back of his hand, and her heart swelled.
He hurt for her.
She loved him for it. And for a dozen other reasons. She didn’t need to know who gave birth to her, for her to feel like a complete person. Seth had made her feel whole.
He abruptly pulled to the curb and stopped, throwing the car in park. He turned and faced her, grabbing her hands and looking her directly in the eye. “You are nothing like that woman, Tori. You are all that is good in people. You help and you care. Look at how you’ve touched Trinity’s life. Look how you’ve touched my life. I’ve been empty for the last eighteen years, but a week with you has made me feel alive again.”
“I know! You don’t have to convince me. You bring out a side of me that I’ve stifled for nearly two decades.” She smiled through her tears.
“I made a mistake letting you do this.”
“No, this wasn’t a mistake. I’ve lost nothing. I still have the parents I had. For an hour today, I knew there was a chance I would find a birth mother I’d hardly ever wondered about. I just met a person who can add nothing to my life.” She breathed deep and looked at him. “But I’ve found the person who adds everything. Knowing you’re here makes what happened this morning not matter.”
She held his gaze. The inside of the car was silent. She wanted nothing more than to climb inside of him and lose herself.
“I don’t want to go back to the office,” she heard herself whisper.
He held her gaze a second longer. “My place?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.” She needed him to hold her.
He shifted the car back into drive.