—
It was a joy to come to the set on Spaceballs. In addition to the fun I had with John Candy and Rick Moranis I got to once again work with my friend Dom DeLuise. Instead of Jabba the Hut, he did the voice for “Pizza the Hut”—a mountainous living pizza complete with bubbling cheese and studded with slices of pepperoni. Also in the scene with Pizza the Hut was my old pal Rudy De Luca, who played a robotic space mobster named Vinnie, who worked for Pizza the Hut and delivered a threat to Lone Starr, telling him to pay up a million space bucks “or else Pizza is gonna send out for you!”
We had another wonderful robot character in Spaceballs, Dot Matrix. She’s the princess’s female version of C-3PO. Professional mime Lorene Yarnell was in the Dot Matrix outfit on set and was terrific. She was a real trooper while encased in her metallic shell when we were shooting on location in Yuma, Arizona, re-creating the desert scene in Star Wars. Sometimes the temperature got up to 110 degrees. But Yarnell came through every time. The problem with shooting in the Yuma desert was that if you do more than one take in sand, you’ve ruined the pristine quality of the sand. It would drive us nuts. We had to get a blower or a sand broom out there to make sure that the sand was ready for the next take.
George Wyner as Colonel Sandurz, Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet, and me as President Skroob in a scary moment in Spaceballs.
To voice Dot Matrix, I reached out to the incomparable Joan Rivers. The character acts as kind of a governess to Princess Vespa and safeguards her chastity at all costs. Joan made it so memorable and delivered some of the funniest moments in the movie. I love her delivery when Princess Vespa and Lone Starr are finally about to kiss and suddenly the air is filled with a loud alarm:
Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix: That was my virgin-alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do!
As a special treat, I got John Hurt to reprise his role from Alien (1979) in which a terrifying creature horrifically bursts out of his chest. We had our own version of the creature once more burst out of John’s chest and he got a great laugh when he said: “Oh no…not again!” But I couldn’t stop there, so I had the creature go on to sing and dance “Hello My Baby” complete with waving a straw hat and a cane!
Me as President Skroob chuckling with Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet. (I’m pretty sure that’s him in there.)
One of the most memorable lines in the movie is Dark Helmet’s order to Colonel Sandurz as they chase after the princess:
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare the ship for light speed.
Dark Helmet: No, no, no, light speed is too slow!
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed, too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes, we’re gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed.
Literally “combing the desert” in Spaceballs.
Even though we invented ludicrous speed, somehow it caught on! Obviously famous Tesla automaker Elon Musk is a fan of Spaceballs. His cars feature a ludicrous mode and he’s even announced that for a future model they’ll be “going to plaid.” Which happens later in Spaceballs when, in a twist on Star Trek’s warp-speed visual effect, the Spaceballs One ship actually goes to “plaid.”
Another of my favorite running bits in Spaceballs was inspired by Blazing Saddles, in which I had the entire town of Rock Ridge all have the last name Johnson.
I did the same thing in Spaceballs, it goes like this:
Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: [turns to Dark Helmet, revealing he is incredibly cross-eyed] Sorry, sir! I’m doing my best!
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Spaceballs Officer: I did, sir. He’s my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What’s his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole too, sir. Gunner’s Mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[The entire bridge crew stands up and raises their hands.]
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I’m surrounded by assholes!
* * *
—
Terry Marsh, my friend and the brilliant production designer who did such a great job on To Be or Not to Be, also did a spectacular job on Spaceballs. In a strange way he brought space down to earth, with exaggerated visual space clichés like the super white vast interiors of the Spaceballs’ ship and the warm, homey-looking inside of the Winnebago. To do his wizardry, Terry took over Studio 15 at MGM. He kept reminding me that this was where they filmed the famous The Wizard of Oz. Sometimes when I was directing, I would imagine seeing Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, and Bert Lahr all cavorting around the same stage.
Instead of the famous signature line from Star Wars, “May the Force be with you,” Ronny, Tom, and I came up with our own version:
Yogurt: I am the keeper of a greater magic, a power known throughout the universe…as the…
Barf: …the Force?
Yogurt: No, the Schwartz!
Sometimes when people recognize me in a restaurant or just walking down the street, I’ll know they’ve seen Spaceballs because they’ll shout, “Hey, Mel! May the Schwartz be with you!”
With my Lone Starr and Princess Vespa, Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga, posing in front of the big statue of just plain Yogurt.
(I think the person who enjoyed it the most was my lawyer Alan U. Schwartz!)
Spaceballs went on to become one of the biggest hits in the Mel Brooks cinematic universe. I think I’ve autographed more Spaceballs posters than for any other Mel Brooks film. I’ve even gotten some letters from young fans that saw Spaceballs before they saw Star Wars. They would often ask me why Star Wars wasn’t so funny.
Tom Meehan, bless his soul, came up with a classic line near the end of the film. It’s when our heroes say a heartfelt and teary goodbye to Yogurt:
Lone Starr: I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
It’s over thirty years later, but I’m still not ruling it out!
Chapter 22
Life Stinks