All about Me!: My Remarkable Life in Show Business

Steve Allen was kind enough to write the liner notes for the album, and this is how he introduced me:

    But who, you ask, is Mel Brooks? He probably often wonders, himself. Whoever he is he is very funny. And like Carl, he spent ten years with Sid Caesar. But not on camera. Mel is basically a writer; if this album becomes a stepping-stone to a performing career no one, I am sure, will be more surprised than Mr. Brooks.

…And thereby hangs an interesting psychological tale. My wife has a theory that there is often a similarity in either appearance, personality, or philosophy between the comedian and the person who works for him. Her hypothesis is certainly confirmed in the case of Brooks and Caesar. Their styles, as you will discover in listening to this collection of ad-libbed routines, are remarkably similar. The two men, it seems, have had a pronounced effect on each other. Their approaches to humor are similar. But to hell with analysis. Let’s just enjoy. Bear in mind when listening to these routines that they are ad-libbed and that they are never the same twice.



    The record was a big hit and we were asked to appear on some important variety shows on TV like The Ed Sullivan Show, Steve Allen’s show, and The Hollywood Palace. We started out just sitting next to each other on stools, almost as if we were performing for radio. Later my character began wearing a kind of 2000 Year Old Man costume replete with a cape and walking stick.

But making the records was so much better. When we were asked to do television show appearances together even though we got big laughs it was never the same. It wasn’t as much fun because we already knew what jokes we were going to do. I was not surprised by Carl’s questions and he was not surprised by my answers. It was simply not the same joy as doing the 2000 Year Old Man all ad-libbed. The free-form nature of the longer performance pieces allowed a creative exchange that generated far more spontaneous magic.

Part of my motive for doing the 2000 Year Old Man was to preserve the Yiddish dialect and the sounds that I grew up with. I was doing my grandparents. My father’s father and mother, and my mother’s father, and their friends. I loved them. Hearing those voices always made me feel safe. The 2000 Year Old Man is a feisty fellow, a tough guy, and a survivor. He’s the Eastern European immigrant Jew, pronouncing himself forcefully, struggling to make it in America. He’s got to know all the answers, because it’s about survival. He’s a no-nonsense, no-bullshit guy. He tells a lot of human truths, whether he knows them or not. Like the German Professor from the Sid Caesar shows, it’s not lying…it’s self-promotion! He doesn’t give you any bad advice. In his exaggeration and fabrication there’s always a little truth.

I always thought a rich lie is better than a poor truth:

Carl: Sir, sir, I read somewhere that you lived in Boston during the American Revolution. Did you know Paul Revere?

Mel: An anti-Semite bastard!

Carl: You didn’t like Paul Revere?

Mel: I hated Paul Revere.

Carl: No, no, no. He was a hero! How could you call him an anti-Semite?

Mel: He had fear that we were going to go in the neighborhood and move in. “They’re coming, they’re coming. The Yiddish are coming!” All night he was yelling!

Carl: Were you living in that neighborhood at that time?

Mel: I was there. I heard him yelling.

Carl: No, he was yelling, “The British are coming.”

Mel: Oy, my god.

Carl: You were wrong!

Mel: Ooh, I’m going to have to send his wife a note.

Carl: You’ve maligned the man for all these years!

Mel: I didn’t know. And I didn’t go to his funeral. Oh my god.

Carl: Two hundred years you have maligned the man…

Mel: I’m glad we spoke. I’d better ask you about some more of these people.





* * *





Even though the Caesar show was over, and we each had our own projects, Carl and I always got back together from time to time to make another 2000 Year Old Man record. And we’d often hit pay dirt.

I remember on one of the records we got a terrific laugh with a bit about Shakespeare:

Carl: Did you know Shakespeare? He was reputed to be a great writer. He wrote thirty-seven of the greatest plays ever written.

Mel: Thirty-eight.

Carl: Thirty-eight? Only thirty-seven are listed.

     Mel: One bombed!

Carl: Actually, it’s never been recorded. What was it?

Mel: Unfortunately, I had money in that play.

Carl: You invested in a Shakespearean play that was a failure?

Mel: He said would you put money in it. I read it up and I said to him, this is a beauty.

Carl: What was the name of it?

Mel: Queen Alexandra and Murray.

Carl: I never heard of it. Did it ever see the light of day?

Mel: It closed in Egypt!



That was one of the few times that Carl really broke up. Here are a couple of my other favorites:

Carl: I want to talk about the impact of the Ten Commandments.

Mel: There were more. But they weren’t important.

Carl: Can you tell me one?

Mel: Certainly, “thou shalt not squint.”

Carl: Do you remember the very first book you ever read?

Mel: The first book. You don’t forget the first book.

Carl: You remember what it was?

Mel: I was a child. It was a simple book in the ancient Hebrew. It was called Zaichem, Rochem, Bruchem.

Carl: And that translates into?

Mel: See Moses Run.

Carl: Do you remember the story?

Mel: It was a page-turner.

Carl: Of all the discoveries of all time, what would you consider the greatest? Would you say it was the wheel, the lever, fire?

Mel: Fire. Fire. Far and away, fire. Fire was the hottest thing going. Fire, you can’t beat fire.

Carl: Really?

     Mel: Fire used to warm us and light up our caves so we wouldn’t walk into a wall, so we wouldn’t marry our brother Bernie.

Carl: That’s right.

Mel: That’s Satan’s hell, fire. And cooking, oh, you can’t beat fire.

Carl: When did they first learn to cook with fire?

Mel: It was an accident. There was an accident. A chicken.

Carl: What?

Mel: Chicken walked into the fire by mistake and over. And it was over. Burnt up.

Carl: What? That chicken?

Mel: Yes. We kept them around the cave as pets.

Carl: I see.

Mel: So we took it out to give it a funeral, you know, bury it, because it was our pet and we all went…hey, that smells good. So we ate them up and since then we’ve been eating chickens.

Carl: You know, I’ve heard this story, but I’ve heard that the animal that wandered into the fire accidentally was a pig.

Mel: Not in my cave.



Speaking of caves, there was another one that always got a big response.

Carl: How about an anthem?

Mel: We had a national anthem!

Carl: What was the anthem?

Mel: Well, you see it was very fragmented. Fragments.

Carl: Yes.

Mel: It wasn’t a nation, it was caves. Each cave…

Carl: Was a nation?

Mel: Each cave had a national anthem!

Carl: So do you remember the national anthem of your cave?

     Mel: I certainly do. I’ll never forget. You don’t forget a national anthem in a minute.

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