TWELVE
THE QUEEN WAS WAITING FOR HER WHEN SHE GOT back to her room. She sat in Aurora’s chair, a piece of embroidery in her hands.
“I am glad you finally decided to rejoin us,” she said. “Do close the door.”
Aurora shut the door behind her and stepped farther into the room. How could the queen have known that she left her room? Had Betsy told her she was gone?
“I admit, I was curious,” the queen said, and she placed the embroidery aside. The chair scraped the floor as she stood. “I wanted to be the first to see you when you returned.” She sounded almost friendly. “Where have you been?”
“I went for a walk,” Aurora said. “Around the castle.”
“That is strange. I did not know it was raining inside the castle. And I do believe the door was locked.”
“Somebody must have forgotten to lock it, Your Majesty.”
“Do not lie to me, Aurora. It does not become you.” The queen brushed her skirts, smoothing out invisible wrinkles. “Betsy came to me, after she returned to your room and found the door unlocked and you absent. She was most concerned.”
Aurora wrapped her fingers in the folds of her cloak. “I am sorry if I worried you, Your Majesty.”
“Worried me? Would you have liked that?” The queen reached for a crystal decanter and poured herself a glass of water. Her hands shook, and water splashed onto the floor. “All of us running around, panicking about you? The center of everyone’s attention?” She took a sip, her lips pursed. “No. Your silly maid might have assumed that something terrible had befallen you, but I knew better. If you had been kidnapped by some vicious group of rebels, it would be unfortunate, of course, but something we could work with. You leaving your room at night and getting into all sorts of trouble . . . that is, I think, less acceptable.”
“Less acceptable?” Aurora said. “You locked me in, like a prisoner. All I did was go for a walk.”
“All you did? You could have ruined everything.” The queen’s knuckles were white against the glass. “I have told you that the world is dangerous. I told you that it was not safe. Do you think I say these things for my own amusement? I locked this door for your own protection, and you break through it, like it means nothing, like you know better.”
The worst part was that the queen was right. Aurora had escaped from the castle, and the first person she met was a rebel. A boy who planned to kill Iris’s husband, who attempted to recruit her. Her stomach twisted with guilt. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But—”
“But?” The queen raised her eyebrows. “You should be begging my forgiveness, Aurora, not contradicting me again. You have a willful, stubborn, spoiled mind, and we do not have the time or space for your mistakes.”
Aurora balled her fists at her sides. First Tristan, now the queen, treating her like she had no valid thoughts of her own. “If you think so little of me, why keep me here at all? If the idea that I was kidnapped is so much more convenient to you, then why even bother with me?”
The queen frowned, as though seriously considering the question. “I do not think little of you,” she said. “You do not factor into things much at all. You may despise that, but it is the way of things.” She closed her eyes as if in pain. “I know you think I am some wicked woman, forcing you to bend to my whims. But I am only trying to help you. You do not know what is best.” When she opened her eyes again, she looked weary, her expression tinged with distaste. “This is not how I would have liked things to be. But we have no choice. You are going to have to listen to me, or you are going to suffer for it. Everyone will. For goodness’ sake, Aurora”—and her hand slammed down on the table—“all you have to do is smile and curtsy. The people will fill in the rest! Why is that so difficult for you?”
“Are you asking me why it’s so difficult to pretend to be nothing? To just be this blank little smiling thing? You don’t know what it’s like.”
“I don’t know what it’s like?” The queen’s laugh was like shattering glass. “I was living it before you were. Lost all your family? Far from home? I know what it is like, Aurora, so do not try the poor-soul act with me. Life is hard. We do not get what we want. We do not get to be who we want. And we have to deal with it. You think intentions are good enough for these people? You think anyone in this world cares what you meant to do?” The queen, usually so full of polite smiles and cold shows of affection, almost burned with intensity. “I have always been an outsider. But the people want to love you. Let them.”
“I didn’t ask for this.” Aurora felt stupid even for saying it, but she could not stop the defiance in her from issuing a final plea. “I didn’t want this.”
“I did not ask to be queen,” Iris said. “I did not ask them all to hate me, or to have you in my charge. Yet here we are.”
“They hate you?”
“I am from Falreach,” she said. “Of course they hate me. But things are quieter now. People have hope, for the first time in years. Do you want to destroy that? Do you want Rodric to be torn apart in the streets? Because I promise you, Aurora, people have suffered for too long. And if you fail them—”
“But what if they want more than I can give?”
“Well.” The queen smiled her narrow, icy smile. “You had better give your all then, don’t you think?”
Aurora turned to look out of the window. If things were as terrible as Tristan claimed—and she had no reason to doubt that they were—then she needed to help. Somehow.
“Luckily,” the queen continued, “no one else knows that you were gone. Rodric does not know. John does not know. This is between you and me, Aurora. I am giving you that chance.”
Aurora knew she should thank the queen, for that discretion at least, but the words would not come. Her limbs felt heavy and strangely faraway.
“The maid will be punished, of course, for allowing you to leave in the first place.”
Betsy? She had never shown anything but care for Aurora. The queen could not punish Betsy. “But it’s not her fault—”
“You are right. But I cannot punish you.” She placed her glass on the table and stood up. “It will not be too arduous. But if you wish her to stay safe, I would not do anything so reckless again. Is that understood?”
“Yes.” Aurora could barely hear the word herself.
“From now on, my own personal guard will stand outside your door. You are not to leave unless accompanied. Whatever you may feel, it will not be worth the consequences if you disobey me again. Am I being perfectly clear here?”
Aurora forced herself to look Iris in the eyes. “Yes, Your Majesty,” she said.