A Memory of Light

“So you are back,” she said, sounding not entirely pleased. “Well, I am no longer forced to deal with a simple farmboy. That is some small blessing.”


Rand snorted, entering the chamber. She was still imprisoned—he could sense a darkening around her, like a dome of shadow, and he stayed outside of it. The pool, however—the act of drowning—had been mere theatrics. She was prideful, but was not above maintaining a weak front when the situation required it. If he’d been able to embrace Lews Therin’s memories earlier, Rand would never have been fooled so easily by her in the Waste.

“Then I shall address you not as a damsel in need of a hero,” Lanfear said, eyeing him as he walked around her prison, “but as an equal, seeking asylum.”

“An equal?” Rand said, laughing. “Since when have you ever considered anyone your equal, Mierin?”

“You care nothing for my captivity?”

“It pains me,” Rand said, “but no more than it pained me when you swore yourself to the Shadow. Did you know I was there, when you revealed it? You did not see me, as I did not want to be seen, but I was watching. Light, Mierin, you swore to kill me.”

“Did I mean it?” she asked, turning to look him in the eyes.

Had she? . . . No, she had not meant it. Not then. Lanfear did not kil people that she thought would be useful, and she had always considered him useful.

“We shared something special, once,” she said. “You were my—”

“I was an ornament to you!” Rand snapped. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself.

Light, but it was hard around her. “The past is done. I care nothing for it, and would gladly give you a second chance at the Light.

Unfortunately, I know you. You’re just doing it again. Playing us al , including the Dark One himself. You care nothing for the Light. You care only for power, Mierin. You honestly want me to believe that you’ve changed?”

“You do not know me so wel as you think that you do,” she said, watching him as he rounded the perimeter of her prison. “You never did.” “Then prove it to me,” Rand said, stopping. “Show me your mind, Mierin. Open it to me completely. Give me control over you here, in this place of mastered dreams. If your intentions are pure, I will free you.” “What you ask is forbidden.”

Rand laughed. “When has that ever stopped you?”

She seemed to consider it; she must actual y have been worried about her imprisonment.

Once, she would have laughed at a suggestion such as this. Since this was, ostensibly, a place where he had complete control, if she gave him leave, he could strip her down, delve within her mind.

“I . . .” Lanfear said.

He stepped forward, right to the lip of the prison. That tremble in her voice . . . that felt real.

The first genuine emotion from her.

Light, he thought, searching her eyes. Is she actually going to do it?

“I cannot,” she said. “I cannot.” She said it the second time more softly. Rand exhaled. He found his hand shaking. So close. So close to the Light, like a feral cat in the night, stalking back and forth before the fire-lit barn! He found himself angry, angrier than before. Always, she did this! Flirting with what was right, but always choosing her own path.

“I am done with you, Mierin,” Rand said, turning away and walking from the chamber.

“Forever.”

“You mistake me!” she called out. “You have always mistaken me! Would you show yourself to someone in that way? I cannot do it. I have been slapped too many times by those I should have trusted. Betrayed by those who should have loved me.”

“You blame this on me?” Rand asked, spinning on his heel.

She did not look away. She sat, imperious, as if her prison were a throne. “You really remember it that way, don’t you?” Rand said. “You think I betrayed you for her?”

“You said that you loved me.”

“I never said that. Never. I could not. I did not know what love was. Centuries of life, and I never discovered it until I met her.” He hesitated, then continued, speaking so softly his voice did not echo in the small cavern. “You have never really felt it, have you? But of course.

Who could you love? Your heart is claimed already, by the power you so strongly desire.

There is no room left.”

Rand let go.

He let go as Lews Therin never had been able to. Even after discovering Ilyena, even after realizing how Lanfear had used him, he had held on to hatred and scorn. You expect me to pity you? Rand had asked her.

He now felt just that. Pity for a woman who had never known love, a woman who would not let herself know it. Pity for a woman who could not choose a side other than her own.

“I . . .” she said softly.

Rand raised his hand, and then he opened himself to her. His intentions, his mind, his self appeared as a swirl of color, emotions and power around him.