My sister turns to Jack. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“Yeah, it makes perfect sense,” I say, drawing her attention back to me. “She got what she wanted and left. However, I don’t have the time to give a damn, I have other things that need my attention.”
With that, I walk out of the room and head to my cabin to take a nap and get my shit together for Charlotte.
Thirty-One
MAREN
There’s a knock on my office door, and I wipe away the tears that keep falling to see my ex there.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
I haven’t seen him since before we ended things. “Now isn’t a good time,” I say and go back to staring out the window.
“Look, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
I am not mad. I don’t even care. I’m heartbroken, and he reminds me of the Oliver I want. The one I love. The one whose voice I can’t stop hearing tell me that he’s never anyone’s first choice.
He doesn’t stop, he walks in. “Why are you crying?”
I sigh heavily. “Why are you here? You left me, Oliver. Didn’t care when you walked away, so you don’t have to pretend to be now.”
Oliver left me. He refused to listen, called me a liar, and stormed out. He doesn’t care about why I filed for the annulment any more than the man in front of me cared about why the wedding was so important to me.
No, that isn’t fair. The Oliver I love isn’t uncaring. He was there for me, doing whatever he could to make me smile and stay strong. He didn’t run away until I pushed him.
“I heard about your wedding. When I got back, it was all anyone could talk about.”
“What do you care?”
“I always cared about you. It wasn’t like that. We were rushing into things.”
“I have a knack for that.”
“No you don’t,” he says, taking a seat. “You’re a planner, and you never do something without knowing the possible outcomes.”
I laugh once. “Clearly, I’m broken then. I didn’t see this coming, that’s for sure.”
“What has you upset?”
“He left me,” I say, not sure why the hell I’m telling him. “I love him, and he left me. I really love him, though, with everything inside me. He saved me when you deserted me.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
I shrug. “I’m not. If you hadn’t called off the wedding, I never would have fallen for him, and you were right, I didn’t love you. We should have never gotten engaged.”
Oliver looks away. “Still, I could’ve stopped it sooner.”
What-ifs are wholly irrelevant.
What’s important is that I know exactly what love is now. I have felt selfless love at the core of my being. He was willing to sacrifice for me, without any expectations, and I’ve never had that before.
“I appreciate you saying that, but it’s unnecessary. I’m not upset about it anymore.”
“So, who left you and has you crying?”
“The man I married instead of you.”
One-point-oh and I spend the next fifteen minutes talking as I pour over the events of the last month and a half. I tell him about the wedding, Mark marrying us, Oliver and his past. It is nonstop talking, crying, and explaining my thoughts through the entire thing. It’s a little insane that he’s my sounding board, but I let it out with ten tissues, lots of tears, and a bottle of water on my desk I don’t remember getting.
Oliver leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees. “It’s a lot to process and also very unlike you.”
“I know!”
“I think you need to talk to him because it sounds like he loves you and you blindsided him. Give him a day to calm down and then call him.”
“I thought he’d see the gesture as something good.”
He stands, giving me a thin-lipped smile. “He’ll come around.”
I don’t think that’s true. Not with how angry and hurt he was when he left.
“And if he doesn’t?” I ask, grabbing another tissue.
“Then he’s not worth taking a chance on.”
Oliver leaves, and I sit at my desk, feeling raw and upset. I grab my notebook, draw a line down the middle, and start my list to see if I should call him.
Pro:
Fixing it.
Telling him all the things I wanted to say.
Getting the love of my life back.
Proving I’m not a liar and I meant how much I love him.
Being happy.
Con:
He hangs up.
He says more hateful things.
He listens to what I have to say and still says no.
I lose him forever.
Remaining miserable.
Great. It’s even.
My mind is too fragile to see a way through this. I need a little more time to get my heart and head reconnected.
I grab my phone from my purse to text Devney, only to find a text from Stella.
Stella: Hey, can you call me? I know you guys aren’t in the best place, but . . . well, I got your wedding photos back, and also, I’d just like to talk.
Me: Sure, can you talk now?
Stella: Give me five minutes, and I’ll call.
I watch the clock, seconds seeming to take longer than normal, and then the phone rings.
“Hi,” I say, my throat scratchy.
“You sound as good as he looks.”
“Thanks. Listen, I don’t know what happened, but it didn’t go as I planned,” I explain. “I love your brother, and if you want to yell at me, all I ask is that you please give me another day or two, at least until I can stop crying for more than twenty minutes.”
“Oh, Maren, I wasn’t going to yell.” Stella’s voice is full of sympathy. “I would if you didn’t sound like you’ve been crying for days, but . . . you do. However, I don’t understand what in the world is going on.”
“Oliver made a few comments about being second choice and never being the guy, but I love him. He’s my first choice. So, I figured if we ended the marriage and dated instead, he would see that it was my way of choosing him instead of us being together because of a series of insane events.”
“Right . . .” She inhales quickly. “Oh, no. You were giving up the fake marriage to have a real relationship.”
See, she gets it. “Exactly!”
“But the execution of it . . .”
“Was bad,” I admit.
“Have you . . . called him?”
I chew on my lower lip. “I can’t. What he said, maybe he’s right. Maybe I am a liar, and I don’t know what love is.”
Stella huffs. “He said that?”
“I hurt him,” I say with the tears pooling again. “I think that maybe . . . we need time. Time to be apart and to see if this is real or if we were caught up in the fantasy. Maybe the end was inevitable.”
Stella sighs. “I’m not sure what the right thing is, but you love each other, and I hope you can work it out.”
The sad part is, I don’t know if that’s what should happen. Love doesn’t mean a relationship can work. We have distance, mistrust, and hurt between us, so can we even get past all of that? My heart wants to say yes, but my head is telling me I’m wrong.
All I’ve done is listen to my heart, and look where that got me.
“Time will tell, I guess.”
“I guess. Do you want to see the wedding photos?” she asks.