“I pity you, boy. It would be best if you fall on your sword after it is done. Otherwise, you’ll live the most horrid life. The guilt is more than I can bear some days, even with the bond severed.”
Cal pushed his chair back. “You regret it, then?” He choked back his next words, unable to ask Luther if he truly regretted murdering Cal’s mother and condemning him to the stigma of being the only son of a Huntress killer.
Cal’s father ran his hand along the leather binding of the text, his eyes trailing his finger’s movement. He shook his head. “No, I did my duty to the Order. The sight of her lips on that beast’s mouth was all I needed. She was not fit to be a Huntress. She was not fit to be my mate.” An edge of anger lined his words. “You’ll know as soon as she sees him. If she is truly his bride, you’ll know right away. My advice to you is to make the killing blow then. Don’t wait. It only gets more painful the longer you wait. Your mother betrayed us and she paid for it with her life. Her death had honor and I do not regret bringing her that honor.”
Cal flinched at the words, not liking the connection his mind was making to his mate, imagining Morgan’s lips meeting Lazarus’s. “And if we’re wrong? If she isn’t his?”
Luther shrugged. “Then he’ll kill her anyway. Be merciful, because if you aren’t, Lazarus will use her ruthlessly. Only his bride can get close enough to wound him—you know that.” Luther raised his eyes to meet Cal’s. “You must break the bond so that you don’t fail, Caleb. If she betrays the Order, she deserves to die.”
Cal nodded, his lips clenched tightly as a sickening feeling rolled over him. “I’ll do what I must do.”
His father nodded as he shifted his eyes back down to the texts. “You’ll do your duty.”
Cal grimaced, not liking the old man’s command, but not being able to deny it either. Without another word, he left the den and quickly made his way out of the underground. He needed to get some distance from the eerie catacombs, at least while he still could.
Because before long, you’ll be down there for good and there will be plenty of father-son bonding time, he thought bitterly as he closed the hatch, locking away the scholars and ridding his mind of their doomed existence—for the time being anyway.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Broken
I felt like crap. Not the flu or cold kind of crap, but the emotional stress kind of crap. My body yearned for Cal and yet my mind fought that craving every step of the way. He wanted me, but he didn’t. He cared for me and yet didn’t. I was confused and hurt and most of all, just wished it could be easier. Why was I doomed to such a sucky love life? Why couldn’t Cal just set aside whatever ridiculous reason was behind him being so fearful of loving me? I couldn’t understand, and wondering about it made me conjure up the millions of faults he must have found in me in our short time together to make him want to behave in such a deplorable way.
I ran on the treadmill, drowning my thoughts in another punishing uphill climb. I’d woken up feeling emotionally drained, but had forced myself to come to the training room where Lance waited for me, as usual.
And there was the other issue for me, Lance. He was behaving exactly as I would want Cal to behave. Courteous and patient, caring and strong. He listened to me, guided me, and most importantly, laughed with me. Why couldn’t he be my Hunter? I wiped my brow with my sleeve. I shifted my eyes to him as he jabbed and punched at one of the hanging heavy bags. It would be so much easier with Lance. And yet…
I sighed.
And yet, I just didn’t feel the same thing around Lance. He didn’t make my heart speed up and my stomach drop with excitement. He didn’t have me waiting on every word or smoldering under every glance. Even when Cal was being a dick, I still wanted him. My body ached for his touch, and I was burning up with want. Giving up a night with Cal had been torture. It had taken everything in my power to keep myself from flinging the door open after I’d slammed it in his face, wanting so badly to chase him down and fly into his arms.
But I hadn’t. Instead, I’d spent a wakeful night tossing and turning and wondering where Cal was. When my eyes finally drifted closed, I zoomed straight into dreadful nightmares of Jimmy and blood, death and violence. Nightmares that I knew would disappear if I were cuddled in Cal’s arms.
I sighed again as I punched the stop button with my finger. I’d run the equivalent of ten miles, and I felt quite done with it.
“Had enough?” Lance asked as he laid his hand on the punching bag to stop its movement. “Want to do some grappling or maybe try out a few of the other weapons?”
I shook my head as I snagged my bottle of water from the treadmill and plopped down onto the floor. My heart raced from my run, which felt great, but my head was reeling from my troubling thoughts, which did not.