She was right in front of him, waiting for him. He reached for her, pulled her into him, and kissed her hard—none of it gentle or sweet, just demanding. He kissed her repeatedly and found suddenly that she was kissing him back.
He forced her down then, onto the ground amid the tall grasses. Except for the sky overhead—now almost completely dark, with the first stars beginning to reveal themselves—the world had disappeared.
She pulled him over her. “Don’t stop,” she said.
And he didn’t.
Afterward, they lay together in the shelter of the meadow grasses, night fully descended, the world silent in the aftermath of what had just happened. They weren’t speaking yet. Railing was still too caught up in his feelings, still lost in a lingering sense of wonder and contentment. He dozed for a time. When he woke, Mirai was pressed back up against him, and he found himself wanting her forever, determined that he would never let her go again, not for a single moment—but wondering at the same time if such a thing were possible.
Then he remembered what she had said about Redden, and some of the joy left him. He knew he should leave the matter alone, but he couldn’t make himself do that.
His hand covered hers. “I always wondered about you and Redden.”
He felt her shrug. “Maybe you should have asked him about it.”
“We never talk about you. Not in that way.”
“You sound like you think I might be shattered if you did. I wouldn’t, you know. I’m pretty strong.”
“I know.” He was silent a moment. “What you said about Redden and you …”
“It never happened.”
He was caught off guard. “But you said …”
“Forget what I said. You needed a little nudge, so I provided it.” She looked back at him over her shoulder. “Sometimes, you just have to know. You have to find out.”
“So you made it up?”
“Have you ever wondered how I can tell the two of you apart so easily?” she asked. “It’s because of the way you act around me. It’s not the same. You probably don’t realize it, but you’re always eager and he’s always restrained. One or two sentences, a few words even, and I know which is which. Sometimes a look is enough. Or the way you move.”
She turned over to face him. Her hand reached up to stroke his face. “You haven’t been right since Redden went into the Forbidding. You lost yourself for a while, lost everything that makes you who you are. The way you fussed about Austrum? We talked; that was all. He’s interesting because he isn’t afraid of me. He lets me know right away what he’s thinking. Kissing me was bold. I liked that. But he’s not for me.”
Railing couldn’t help himself. “And I am?”
She looked away. “I don’t know. I’m not sure about you. You’re still out there somewhere, hiding out, keeping apart. You haven’t come all the way back, even now.”
“But this … what we just …”
“That isn’t enough. Don’t you see? It’s just something that happened. Yes, I wanted it to happen. I did. But it was just what I said before—a finding out.”
He locked down everything he was tempted to say and put it all in a safe place. He breathed in the scent of the grasses and the night air and looked up at the stars.
“I want more of you than you’ve given me,” he said. “I want a lot more. Maybe I want everything. I’m saying this to you straight out because I don’t want you to think I would ever take what just happened lightly. I understand what you’re telling me about myself. I know you’re right. I’ve gone way off into the woods, and I can’t seem to find my way back. But I will.”
She was silent a minute, then she got to her feet. “We shouldn’t be out here like this. We might not be safe. Besides, I’m getting cold.”
He rose with her. He tried not to look at her, but failed miserably and was filled with an aching that worked its way from his exposed skin right down to the deepest part of his heart. He desperately wanted to hold on to her, but he didn’t know if he could.
When they were ready to set out for the airship, Mirai suddenly turned back and faced the grave. “Just a minute.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “Good-bye, Farshaun. Thanks for teaching us so much. Thanks for believing in us and always being there. You had a good heart. Railing and Redden and I will miss you every day.”
She paused. “And don’t be offended by what happened between Railing and me. I think it helped us both to cope with your loss. I think if you could tell us, you would say that you approve.”
She turned away again, not bothering to look at Railing. “Come on, let’s go.”