our Marshalls?" Diesel shrugged. "He might not have known about the BUM. For that matter, I'm not sure he was an Unmentionable. The More family could have been guarding the Stone since the Middle Ages or before. " I looked around. "So some of the other people buried here might have been guardians. " "It's possible, " Diesel said, reading the inscriptions on nearby gravestones, pausing at a stone that resembled Phil's. "Harry More died in 1965, and he has the Latin warning on his stone. He could have been the one to pass the Stone to Phil. " "Here's another, " I said. "Alicia More Riddley died in 1901. The warning is on her marker. Plus, there's a very old stone next to hers that looks like it has the warning. The date of death was 1603 or 1608. The inscription is only partially visible. " "Interesting stuff, but it doesn't help me, " Diesel said. "I was hoping Phil would talk to us. " He nudged me forward. "Stand on his grave and see if you get anything. " "No way! That's creepy and irreverent and sacrilegious. " "It's grass and dirt and none of the above. " "Then why do you want me to stand on it if it's only grass?" "I want to know if something empowered was buried with Phil. " "There's five feet of dirt between him and me. I'm not going to feel anything. " Diesel picked me up and set me down in front of Phil's headstone. "Give it a shot. " I sunk my teeth into my lower lip, stopped breathing, and concentrated. "Well?" Diesel asked. "This is icky. " "Do you notice anything unusual about Phil's grave?" Diesel asked. I looked around. "No. " "Look more closely. The sod has been cut. And some of the grass surrounding the grave has soil on top of it. Phil was buried seven years ago. This ground should be settled, but it has some give to it. " "Which means?" "I think Phil might have very recently gone for a walk. " "Get out!" There was the sound of a car turning into the parking lot. The engine cut off, and a door slammed. A moment later, a second door slammed shut. After a few seconds, a figure appeared at the edge of the cemetery. It was Shirley, and she was carrying a large cardboard box. She soldiered up the hill, head down, laboring. She raised her head when she was halfway up the hill and gave an audible gasp when she spied us at graveside. Her eyes narrowed, and she forged ahead. eyes narrowed, and she forged ahead. Diesel draped an arm around me. "She doesn't look happy to see us. " "Gee, big surprise. " Shirley stopped just short of Phil's grave and pressed her lips together, her arms wrapped around the box. "Hey, " I said. "How's it goin'?" Diesel asked Shirley. "Gobble, " Shirley said. "Gobble, gobble. " It was hard to believe Glo could quote a bunch of words from Ripple's and turn Shirley into a turkey. My first instinct was to yell at Shirley and tell her to stop fooling around. My second instinct was to look for cover in case she started shooting. "What's in the box?" Diesel asked. Shirley stepped forward, turned the carton upside down, and dumped a load of packaged food onto Phil's grave. Opened boxes of cereal, Oreos, Wheat Thins, macaroni, saltines, taco shells. Bags of M&M's, chips, popcorn, raisin bread, peanut butter cups, pretzel nuggets, jelly beans. Jars of spaghetti sauce, pickles, mayo, peanut butter, and grape jelly. "Gobble!" Shirley said to Phil's headstone. She stuck her tongue out at it and made a face. "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, " she said, her voice rising to a pitch that could break glass. "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!" She jumped up and down on the boxes of crackers and bags of candy. Her face turned red, and she worked up a sweat. "GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!" She stopped to catch her breath, and she looked at the mess of smashed food and boxes. "Hmph, " she said. She tipped her nose up, spun around on her heel, and without giving us so much as a glance, she swished off down the hill. "Hey, " I called after her. "You can't just leave this stuff here. It's littering. " "Gobble gob, " Shirley said, and kept going. "At least she's venting, " I said to Diesel. "That's healthy, right? " Carl wandered onto the grave site and picked through the massacred junk, testing out peanut butter cups, jelly beans, and pretzel nuggets. He stuffed an unscathed box of Pop-Tarts under his arm, and he latched onto a can of Easy Cheese. "I need to talk to Shirley, " Diesel said, heading for the lot. "Good luck with that. " Unless he spoke gobble, he was going to have a problem. Shirley was at her car when Diesel and I caught up. "I need to talk to you, " he said. "It's important. Is there anything else you can tell us about your uncle or the inheritance?" Shirley looked at him like he was from Mars. "Okay, so you can only gobble, " Diesel said. "We can communicate in writing. " Shirley took a pad and pen from the glovebox, scribbled something, tore the paper off, and handed it to Diesel. "What does it say?" I asked Diesel. Diesel read from the paper. "Gobble. Gobble. Gobble. " "Are you kidding?" I asked Shirley. Shirley sucked in air, her mouth compressed, and her eyes shrunk to the size of little ball bearings. "Gobble, " she growled. And then she launched herself at me, wrapped her hands around my neck, and took me down to the ground, where we rolled around slapping and shrieking. Diesel stepped in and separated us, dragging me to my feet, keeping Shirley at arm's length. "If you're not going to do this in Jell-O, it's not worth watching, " he said to me. "Crikey, " I said to Shirley. "You need to get a grip on yourself. " Shirley wrenched away from Diesel and dusted herself off. "Grmmph, " she said. And then she deflated like a balloon with a leak. And a tear slid down her cheek. "I guess this has been a hard week, " I said to her. Shirley took a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. "We'll figure it out, " I said. "We just have to find the right spell. " Shirley nodded, still looking deflated. She slumped into her car, cranked the engine over, and drove away. "I was trying to be positive, " I said to Diesel, "but honestly, I'm not sure we can un-gobble Shirley. " Diesel watched her leave the lot. "I'm not sure we want to. I don't want to hear what she has to say if she ever goes normal again. " A light rain was sifting down on us, and the cloud cover was the color and texture of wet cement. Not ideal weather for a cemetery visit. Not ideal weather for anything. Diesel and I climbed into the SUV, and Carl scampered in after us. Carl's movie had run its course, but he had a cache of food to occupy him. "Did you feel anything at all when you were on Phil's grave?" Diesel asked. "No. " "Feeling something would tell us a lot. Feeling nothing tells us nothing. " "Do you really think Phil might not be there?" "The grave has been disturbed, and grave robbing isn't beyond Wulf. " "Why would Wulf want Phil?" "Don't know. " "And where would he put him?" "Don't know that, either. " "You don't know much, do you?" "I know you're going to be my downfall, " Diesel said. "And yet you persist in hanging around. " "I have no control over it, " Diesel said. "It's my destiny. " "You're the moth, and I'm the flame?" "Yeah. It's damn pathetic. " I didn't feel like a flame. I felt like an idiot. I had grass stuck to my shirt and dirt smudges on my jeans from rolling around with Shirley. I'd been so panicked, I could barely remember anything, except that I'd done a lot of ineffective slapping and screaming. If Diesel hadn't stepped in, I'd be just another body rotting in the cemetery. Diesel stopped for a light and grinned over at me. "You were holding your own. " "I was terrified. That was the first time I've been in a fight. I've "I was terrified. That was the first time I've been in a fight. I've never even seen a fight in real life. I was just trying to keep her away from me. " "Next time open your eyes. " "First off, there isn't going to be a next time. And second, I didn't want to see her hit me in the face. " "It's been my experience that women don't hit. They claw and kick and gouge. And the really nasty ones bite. " "I didn't want to see any of that, either. Do you have a history of duking it out with women?" "No, but this wasn't the first time I've had to wade into a catfight. " CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR