I moved down a step. “Thanks. It’s probably just me.” Miles headed upstairs while I went down.
It wasn’t long before I was in the kitchen listening to the guys talk about… something. I wasn’t paying attention. Isaac was probably nervous about his first fight back. It was nothing. Then why couldn’t I get the weight in my chest to ease?
Miles came down in time for dinner and sat next to me. “I talked to him. He was tense but seemed alright,” he reassured me. Huh.
“Then I’m probably being too sensitive.” I gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry about it.” We went back to dinner. Everyone was talking, laughing, telling jokes, but I was worlds away and playing with my food. Chile rellenos was Isaac’s favorite… Stop. Miles said he seemed fine, so he was fine. I forced myself to eat past the knot in my stomach before Zeke noticed I wasn’t eating.
I was quiet all through dinner and clean up. It wasn’t until we were all out back on the porch enjoying the cooling air that someone got my attention.
“So, what did you do today, Ally?” Asher asked from his perch on the porch railing.
“Well, Rory took me to see my grandfather. He wanted to see if my grandmother left any info around,” I announced. I suddenly had everyone’s attention.
“How did that go?” Miles asked carefully.
I shrugged. “I got some pictures of my dad, but that’s about it.”
“That sucks,” Ethan said.
“At least you have more photos now,” Miles offered.
“I’m not really torn up about it,” I admitted. “But I am a little pissed that he’s never met Tara.”
“Why’s that?” Miles asked.
“He knows she’s not Rory’s, and he refuses to be her grandfather because of it.” I shrugged. “He was an odd piece of work.”
The guys shared a look.
“What?” I asked. They grinned.
“You said something, didn’t you?” Miles asked. I made a point to look anywhere but at them. They chuckled.
I turned back to them. “I may have said something,” I muttered.
They kept chuckling. My face warmed. It took a while for them to calm down.
Isaac
The sound of the front door shutting eased the tension in my body. She was gone. I took deep, dragging breaths. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep myself here. Sweat soaked my shirt and ran down my face. The second she stepped into the house I knew she was here. I don’t know how, but I did. The urge to rip and pound my fist into something tore through me. Just like with Joshua.
I looked down at my bruised and scraped knuckles. He'd been bloody and unconscious before I managed to stop myself. I left him bleeding and lying in the grass. What the fuck was wrong with me?
And then Lexie came in. Muscles tired, I lay down on my side on the floor. I could have hurt her. I almost did. I closed my eyes as tears ran down my face. What kind of guy wants to hurt the girl he…
Someone who is tired of everyone’s shit.
No, no, no… Zeke’s dad was like that… Miles’ dad… I wasn’t like them.
Are you sure? You did kill Sophie.
Maybe I did… but that didn’t mean I wanted to. I’m not that way! But the urge to pound my fist into her face when she wouldn’t leave… that wasn’t normal.
You could have saved Sophie, but you didn’t. You held your hand over her face and killed her.
I went limp, too tired to even think. It’s true. I was a pathetic piece of shit. I had always known it. Always. Under it all, in the deepest part of me, I knew. I was nothing. Not even worth the air I was breathing. Tears fell faster as the truth settled into me like a burning stone in my chest.
Maybe you can change that…
That voice kept talking through the night until, finally, dawn came.
Chapter 12
Thursday
I cleaned my brush again and used my palette knife to mix more of the blue shade I needed. We were in Miles’ living room using the coffee table for my project. I had spent the last hour putting the night sky on Miles’ cast, complete with stars, gasses, and even the moon. Now, all I needed was to mix the Tardis blue and paint in the Tardis flying through the sky.
“So…” Miles began, looking at me over his glasses. “What do you want to talk about?”
I chewed on the corner of my bottom lip as I mixed the paint. “I didn’t say I needed to talk.” I tried to make my voice light, but it didn’t work.
“No, you didn’t.” His eyes were warm as I met them. “But you usually draw or paint when you have something on your mind. And you usually do it at home.”
I resisted squirming under his eyes. He always was too observant. “Okay, you… might be right.” I picked up the brush and started working on the little blue box.
“What is it?” he asked gently in his silky-smooth voice that I loved.
“Let me finish this first,” I hedged. I really didn’t want to fuck up his cast because of what I was going to tell him.
“Are you nervous about Isaac’s fight today?” he asked, as if he couldn’t help it.
I smiled to myself. “Yeah, but that’s not it.” I started working on the side of the box.
“Are you worried about Ethan’s back?” Miles tried again.
I shook my head. “Yeah, but again, that’s not it.”
“Am I in the proximity?” he asked.
I shook my head as I began cleaning my brush. Knowing Miles, he was just going to keep guessing until I told him.
“All we need to do is let it dry before I do the white on the Tardis,” I told him as I cleaned my fingers with a paper towel. I stalled as long as I could. I looked up and met his eyes. “There is something I need to tell you.”
His eyes ran over my face before coming back to my eyes. “Is this about your scans?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah. The results came back.” I looked down and started tearing the paper towel to pieces. “They aren’t good.”
His hand reached out and stopped me from tearing the towel even more. “How bad are they?”
I let out a deep breath and held his hand. “Do you remember back in October, Rory had me see every kind of doctor there was?”
“Yes.”
I looked up and met his emerald eyes. “When my aunt Claire, died, the family learned that there was a black spot of dead tissue on her brain. There was no medical reason for it, but the family knew what it was. It was damage from the dead.”
His eyes narrowed on mine. “They found a spot in October, didn’t they?”
I nodded. “Yeah, and after getting jumped in April, Rory wanted me to get the scan again. I put it off as long as I could.”
“The amount of dead tissue grew, didn’t it?” he asked carefully.
My eyes burned as I looked down at his hand holding mine. “Yeah. And the symptoms are getting worse.” Tears fell down my face.
“We’ve noticed you’ve been tired lately,” he admitted, his voice rough. I wiped my face and tried to breathe past the tightness in my chest.
“I’m also getting nosebleeds for no reason now,” I admitted.
Miles grew tense beside me. “Alright, what are our options?”
My eyes shot to him. “Um, surgery, cutting back on crossing the dead, uh… that’s it. There’s nothing else to do.”
“Alright,” he said carefully, his eyes unfocused as continued. “I’ll have Dr. Zimmer find the best neurosurgeon in the States-”
“I’m not having the surgery,” I told him, my voice soft.
His eyes focused on mine.
“Lexie, if it could help, if it could buy you more time, isn’t it worth it?” Miles’ hand tightened on mine.
I gave him a small smile. “There’s no proof it’ll work. And…” I wiped my face again as a fresh wave of tears fell down my face. “And I’d rather spend the time I have left with the people I love rather than in pain. The only thing I can do is wear my beads right now and cut back on crossing the dead.”
Miles’ jaw clenched. “Lexie…” he whispered, his voice rough around the edges. I leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight while being careful of his cast. I buried my face in his shirt and clung to him. “We’ll keep looking,” he promised, his face buried in my hair. “We’ll find a way to keep you safe.”
“I hope so,” I breathed. I really hoped we could.