Chapter SEVENTEEN
Sal had muttered for an hour straight before she finally quieted. My eyes looked up at the ceiling, wide with the horror of hearing the frightening, nonsensical things Sal repeated over and over again. I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally fell asleep.
I didn’t sleep more than two or three hours myself. As the sun made its way to the tops of the trees I slipped out Sal’s front door. I didn’t want to upset her further by being caught on her couch unexpectedly.
The house was quiet as I walked in the door. I chuckled as I found Amber and Rod asleep on the couch in the living room, the two of them tangled in each other in an uncomfortable looking way. Amber snored softly. I assumed my parents had made their way to their hotel room late last night.
I found Alex out on the back deck, standing at the railing, leaning with his forearms rested on it. His scars were in plain view on his bare back, his legs crossed at the ankle, covered in a breezy pair of sweats.
As I walked toward the door, he turned to look at me. The light danced in his grey eyes, the sun making his flawless skin glow. His face lightened in a quick smile as he saw me. I couldn’t help but return it as I crossed the room and walked out onto the deck.
He wrapped his arms around me as I stepped into him, his breath tickling the skin on my neck.
“How’s Sal?” he asked quietly.
“Alright, I guess,” I replied. “She had a rough night.”
“Did you get any sleep?”
“Maybe three hours,” I answered honestly.
Alex shook his head. “You’d better watch out, I may just slip some sleeping pills into your dinner tonight so you get rested up before the big day.”
My heart jumped into my throat. “Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Alex said with a smile as he looked into my eyes.
“I…” I struggled with words. “I didn’t really ever think this day would come. It still doesn’t really feel real.”
“This is real,” he said as he smiled, and then pressed his lips to mine. “This is real,” he moved them to my neck. “You’re real. My beautiful, strong Jessica.”
His lips met mine again, moving with well-practiced movements. But the kiss deepened for only moments.
“Can’t you guys wait until you’re alone tomorrow night?” Amber said groggily, squinting through the bright light.
“Hey, this is our house,” Alex teased as we stepped away from each other. I just chuckled and glared at her.
She grunted something incomprehensible and shuffled toward the bathroom. Rod gave a loud snorting snore on the couch, rolling over, and falling to the floor. He continued to snooze away. Alex and I broke out into muffled laughter.
“It’s going to be a busy day today,” Alex said quietly as he stepped back into the house, me following him.
I nodded, sitting at the bar. Alex opened the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice. He looked at it for a moment, longing in his eyes.
“It couldn’t be too bad if I just took one sip, right?” he said, his eyes never leaving the orange surface.
“Yeah, ‘cause it’s so fun trying to hack it back up,” I said as I shook my head and held my hand out for the glass.
“Fine,” he said with a sigh, handing it over, a hint of a smile threatening to take over his face.
“So,” I said after a long draw. “I’m going with my mom to pick up the flowers this afternoon. You’ve got the cake about done?”
Alex nodded. “You going to be okay with her on your own this afternoon?”
I shrugged, keeping my eyes glued to the countertop. “I’ll have to be I guess. We’ll see how things go.”
“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” he said as he took one of my hands in his. “You’ve taken ‘moving on’ to a whole new level, way more than I expected you too.”
“Tomorrow proves you have too,” I said cautiously. Bringing up the last few months was a delicate subject.
Alex didn’t have time to respond to that before his cell phone started ringing.
“Hello?” he answered. “This is him. Uh huh. By tomorrow? Is the facility ready for her?” Alex paused, listening. “Alright, thank you for keeping me updated.” He sighed and set the phone on the counter.
“Caroline?” I guessed.
Alex nodded and pressed his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah. They said her system is pretty flushed out by now. They said she will be cleared to come tomorrow if someone can come get her and then the rehab facility will come and pick her up directly after.”
“That’s great,” I said encouragingly. “So she’ll be there.”
“We’ll see,” he sighed as he straightened.
Rod suddenly grunted from the floor, and pulled himself onto the couch.
“Morning sunshine,” Alex teased.
“Shut up,” Rod half growled, half groaned, narrowing his eyes at Alex. “Dude, put some clothes on.”
Alex chuckled and headed down the stairs to his bedroom. His for the next twenty-four hours anyway.
“Where’s Amber?” Rod asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
“In the bathroom,” I replied, turning on the stool to face him.
“Is Sal okay?” Amber said a second later as she came walking out of the bathroom.
“I think so,” I said. Just then the front door opened and in walked Mom, Dad, Emily, and surprisingly, Austin.
“Well hello,” I said, my eyebrows rising in surprise at the crowd that suddenly filled the house. “Morning everyone.”
“Morning,” Dad said cheerily for everyone. His face was practically beaming. “I thought I’d take everyone out for brunch.”
“Um,” I struggled to answer. I hated trying to pretend to eat at meals with everyone and knew Alex was just undergoing torture during these times. “I guess?”
“Sure,” Alex said as he emerged, properly dressed, a bright smile on his face. “Let’s go.”
Less than fifteen minutes later, everyone filed back outside and each couple pulled away in their own car and started heading north into town.
“So, Austin and Emily…” Alex trailed off, his eyes on the road.
“I have no idea,” I said as I shook my head. “She was talking to him at the bookstore the other day and then they hung out after. Do you think they’re dating?”
“I hope so,” Alex said in a half joking, half serious tone. “Maybe then Austin will stop checking you out every time you walk by him.”
I chuckled, shaking my head again. “And Emily can focus on someone other than Cormack. Geeze, I feel like a crappy friend. I don’t even know if my best friend is dating the guy I work with.”
“You’ve kind of had a lot on your mind lately,” Alex said as he took my hand in his. Somehow the statement felt heavier than it should have.
Brunch passed in a blur. I hardly got more than five words in the entire time as everyone talked over each other, excitement bubbling up about everything and nothing. I watched Emily and Austin closely throughout the meal, watched for glances of affection, brief touches. I didn’t see anything, but I saw the way that both of their eyes seemed to glow just a little bit. It had been a long time since I had seen either of them look so happy.
The rest of the day passed in much the same way, one big blur. Austin had to head back to the hospital but Amber and Emily had thankfully ended up going with my mom and I to pick up the flowers, saving me from any awkward moments of having to talk about angels, wings, or nightmares.
Everyone ended up back at the house that night. Sal had been fast asleep when I went to check on her so I had made my way back. It felt kind of nice to have the house and living room so crowded. It was almost like I was a normal human being with a family and friends. It was almost as if everything was just perfect.
But there was this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Even though I loved the people in this room, I was keeping a secret from each and every one of them. Each of those secrets felt like a crushing lie.
I didn’t know how long I could keep it up before it all smothered me.
Pushing my thoughts aside, I pulled myself back into the atmosphere and told myself to simply enjoy it. Who knew how long it was going to last.
When Emily excused herself to use the downstairs bathroom as the upstairs was occupied, I recognized my opportunity and dismissed myself downstairs as well. I sat on the floor of the basement family room, leaning against the wall, and waited for her to walk back out and ambush her.
Emily jumped violently when she walked out. “Holy crap! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she accused.
“Sorry,” I apologized and patted the ground next to me. She gave me a sly grin as if she knew exactly what I was up to, but sat next to me. “Spill,” I said simply.
She chuckled, shaking her head. “I don’t know what to say. We’ve hung out a bunch recently. I met most of his family over the last little while. We’re friends.”
“Friends?” I asked, giving her the suspecting eye.
“Who…” she dragged out as she thought. “I might not mind letting evolve beyond that?” she said in an unsure tone.
I bit my lower lip, trying to not let the smile on my face become too huge. “I’m really happy for you,” I said, reaching and taking her hand in mine.
“Hey now, I’m not exactly getting married to the guy,” she laughed. “I’ve just made a new friend.”
“Either way,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze. “I’m really happy for you. I was worried about you for a while.”
“Me too,” she said with a small, sad smile. “I don’t want to go back to those dark places though.”
“Hey!” Dad shouted from above. “What’s going on down there?”
Emily and I both broke out into laughter. “Coming,” we said in unison, which made us laugh all the harder. Jumping to her feet, Emily pulled me up to mine. Still hand in hand, we walked up the stairs.
“Look out Alex,” Rod joked as we emerged. “Looks like you’ve got some competition.”
The room erupted into laughter. Emily dropped my hand, folded her arms across her chest, and stuck her tongue out at me. I mimicked her. Everyone laughed all the harder.
And for the rest of that night everything felt perfect. Like maybe, just maybe, everything was going to work out alright.
That night, after everyone had said their good-nights and Emily and Amber teased the heck out of me about this being my last night as a virgin, Alex and I cleaned up and slowly started getting ready for bed.
We were both quiet, each seemingly lost in our own thoughts. But for some reason the air felt heavy, there were words that needed to be spoken hanging around us like hand-written notes attached to strings from the ceiling. But they were words neither of us seemed able or willing to say.
As the hour neared midnight, I wrapped my arms around Alex, resting my head against his chest. Just breathing him in brought on peace and comfort.
“We’re alright, right?” he asked me quietly.
“Of course,” I said, my stomach clenching up. “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
“Okay,” he breathed. Tilting my head up, my lips sought his. It was brief, but in it I remembered everything we had gone though, everything we had given up to be with each other.
“I love you,” I said softly against his lips.
“I love you too,” he said, squeezing me for a moment. “Good-night, Miss Bailey.”
“Good-night Mr. Wright.” And then I took a step away, giving a small smile, and walked into my bedroom alone for the last time, and closed the door.
As soon as the door was shut I leaned against it, letting my head hang and my shoulders slump. It wasn’t more than a full minute before the first tear started streaking down my face. Within another minute I couldn’t stop the torrent of them as they fell down my cheeks.
My shoulders shook, my chest heaved. Everything inside of me quivered.
Everything was wrong. This wasn’t how you were supposed to feel twelve hours from marrying the man of every woman’s dreams. I wasn’t supposed to feel this sense of sick, to feel like I was dirty from all the secrets and the lies that I had buried myself in. I wasn’t supposed to be dreading my wedding day because I had no guarantee that the man who would be my husband in just hours was going to stay with me.
It was all just so wrong.
I dragged myself to my bed and collapsed onto its soft surface. And I cried myself to sleep.