His torso looked like ground meat.
Dozens of jagged wounds littered his chest, ranging from pinpricks to holes an inch wide. Rocks, or debris of some kind, must have gotten caught up in the wind tunnel and shot at him so quickly they’d gone straight through his body, like tornadoes that drive flimsy pieces of straw straight through tree trunks. Vampire or not, there was no way someone could survive these kinds of injuries. Adrian had said he wouldn’t die, and I realized now he meant he wouldn’t die of natural causes, of old age or sickness. He was hard to kill—but he could be killed.
“Adrian?” I whispered. He didn’t so much as twitch. “Adrian, please.” But he remained silent, still.
My fingers hovered over his chest. I could feel heat seeping from the jagged wounds like it was his life itself floating away.
I kept expecting him to wake up, to open his eyes. I kept waiting for him grin and give me a lecture on antibodies and how awesome his immune system was and that he’d be fine, just give him a minute.
But he didn’t—he just lay there.
Because he was gone.
I let out a sob, then slapped my hands over my mouth. I fisted my hands in my hair and sat back on my heels. The stars burned on above us, silent. Feeling like I might puke again, I stood and walked in a short circle, then collapsed, digging my fingers into the snow. I was afraid, though, that he would disappear, if I couldn’t see him. Panicked, I crawled back and cradled Adrian’s body against my chest, finally letting loose the scream I’d held in for so many months.
What did it matter now? No one was listening, anyway.
20
IT IS FINISHED
His body wasn’t just cold, it was frozen. When I touched his skin, it seemed to suck the warmth out of my fingertips.
My jaw hurt, not just because I’d been slapped, but because I’d spent the last two hours gritting my teeth in shock—the hour before that had been spent crying uncontrollably, and now my throat was raw and I’d lost my voice. The snow around us was picturesque, the sky above was clear as glass, and I’d long ago become dangerously numb.
Alone in the clearing, I felt once again like I had when Adrian stripped away my sense of self, to hide me from his father during the storm. I felt like nothing. I felt like I had never been.
Congratulations, God, universe, demons, Council, whatever. You won.
They would all pay. Mariana, Dominic, Julian, Tommie—they would all pay for this.
I tore my gaze away from the empty sky and down to Adrian again. He was so beautiful, even now, blown halfway to hell. I’d scrubbed the blood off his face while it was still fresh, but there wasn’t anything else I could do. I couldn’t lift him, couldn’t carry him, couldn’t call for help; didn’t even know which way led back to the house. But it didn’t matter.
I had loved him. That still amazed me. I’d gotten the chance, however briefly, to love someone.
There weren’t any clouds. Brilliant stars, though. I wondered if Adrian was up there. Was he looking down? Was he in heaven? Was he in hell, because of what he was? Or did he just not exist anymore?
I hoped he existed somewhere. Even if it wasn’t here, I hoped he was somewhere. He should be somewhere beautiful. Where somebody loved him.
Except I loved him. So he should be here.
“Adrian, you promised me,” I whispered for the hundredth time.
For the hundredth time, he didn’t answer. The meadow smelled like blood.
I was tired. I was going to sleep. I laid my head down on his icy chest and closed my eyes and it didn’t take much to let everything drift away.
I slept hard. So hard that even being asleep felt dark, black. Like the bottom of an abyss, perfectly silent and still.
I was alone.
*
I found it odd that I didn’t have a nightmare. I figured I should have one. I deserved to have one. My punishment for allowing Adrian to die. But the fact that the entire night had been a waking nightmare perhaps canceled the need for a regular one. Either way, all I did was sleep, and came up slowly, like rising to the surface of a pool after letting all the air out of your lungs. You become heavier, somehow; less able to float. Waking was like that—something you have to do because you can’t stay under forever, but not something you want to do. It’s peaceful with the sound and light muted and the pressure pushing in on you from all sides equally. Water was good like that. It was fair.
I heard my heartbeat pounding sluggishly in my ear. For a moment, I’d forgotten where I was, why I was, why he was the way he was. My heart was loud, and the beat was awkward. Maybe I was having a heart attack.
Huh.
It was really loud. I raised my head off Adrian’s chest to check my pulse, and the sound went away.
Every muscle in my body froze.
I laid my head back down on his chest and waited.
And waited.
Three minutes later: tha-thump (thump).