Watching was no longer enough.
He closed his eyes again.
And again.
And again as she continued to touch his face.
“Why are you crying?” the woman asked.
“Name?” he whispered. “What do they call you?”
“Nephal,” she answered. “It means—”
“—fallen.” He jerked away, took one step, then two. As if his very life depended on it, he put distance between him and Nephal.
“And yours?” she asked.
Want.
Want.
Want.
He knew he shouldn’t tell her, something cried out inside of him, that it was wrong, the entire exchange, something told him it would not end well, but he only wanted seconds, minutes, hours, maybe he wanted days, and was it wrong to want time? When he was given so much of it? After all, he was still watching, he was just watching. Her.
“Sariel.” The minute his name was released into the atmosphere, the wind picked up, a warning, from nature, from the very earth that he’d sworn to protect.
Do not do this. The mountains trembled.
Do not do this. The wind hissed.
Do not do this. The ground shook.
“I will not do this.” Sariel repeated out loud as the wind died down.
The woman hung her head. “Thank you… for all you’ve done.”
She turned her back.
He didn’t want her to.
He wanted.
Want.
Want.
Want.
“Sariel!” One of his men barked out his name. “We return to the mountain.”
“To watch,” Sariel said, his tone bitter.
Azeel looked stricken. “Brother, of course we watch. It is our purpose.”
And for the first time, Sariel… wanted more.
The earth shifted that day, without his brother’s knowledge, for when he watched, he watched Nephal.
When he watched, he dreamed of her.
And when his brothers were doing their duty.
He was closing his eyes and remembering her hand on his face.
It was years before he would see her again.
And the opportunity arose as the village was yet again attacked. The men, disbursed from the mountain.
They went in all directions.
But Sariel went to Nephal.
Once he reached her hut, he knocked on the door then burst through when she did not answer. “Nephal? Are you hurt?”
“No.” She frowned, rising up from her bed, the fur fell from her naked body. Sariel had never seen anything so beautiful in all his life.
Already he could sense that the battle was nearly over, his brothers, returning back to the mountain.
“I missed you.” Tears filled her eyes. “I do not know who you are… but I miss you. Why do I miss you?”
He didn’t know why.
He just knew he felt the same way.
“Why do you only come when we are in trouble?”
“I cannot answer that.”
“Why do I feel strongly for you? A man? A stranger I do not know?”
“I cannot answer that either.”
She nodded, covering herself with the fur and laid down.
Sariel was immobile, and then he found himself peeling his armor off, layer by layer.
He lay by her, pulling the woman in his arms as his body whispered mine.
But his heart.
His heart was in the most danger of all.
For when she sighed against him, it was as if time, did not slow, but picked up, reminding him, that it would run out. And his precious woman, would die.
Sariel returned to his men, to his spot on the mountain a different being that day.
And his brothers knew.
“What have you done, brother?” Ezaju whispered under his breath, rarely did he ever speak. “You smell of humanity,” He turned his head, taking his eyes off the village. “You stink of earth.”
Sariel looked down, in shame. “I love her.”
His brothers, all one hundred ninety-nine of them, seemed to gasp in unison, and then began talking all at once.
“Do you want to send us to hell?” One spoke above the rest. “Do you realize what will happen if one of us falls? All of us fall!”
Sariel sighed. “You think I don’t know that? You think I’m unaware of repercussions. I cannot help how I feel.”
“Try!” Ezaju yelled. “You must try. For the sake of all of us!”
Sariel nodded. “I will… try.”
“We watch,” Bannik replied. “We do not sleep. We do not close our eyes.” The brothers all returned to watching in one loud clap of thunder and repeated. “We are the ones who keep our eyes open. We are the awake.”
But Sariel… did not repeat it.
For his vow was long ago broken, the minute he closed his eyes and wanted.
Stephanie hid her face in my chest. “I’m not sure I want to see anymore.”
“The story ends soon.”
“But does it end well?” she asked.
“It ends the only way it can.” I licked my lips as the vision disintegrated in front of us.
Sariel was again at the village.
And Nephal was already waiting for him.
He knew his brothers were watching, but he kept thinking, if only they saw the joy, if only they saw what they could have.
He slept with her.
Not once.
Nor twice.