Someone who wouldn’t let go.
I wasn’t capable of saying the words, but Jared heard them anyway. He hooked a finger through my belt loop and tugged me closer. He kept his gaze locked on mine, and it felt like he could see the fears I was trying so hard to hide.
Can you see me?
Everything about his expression said yes. He closed the distance left between us and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his chest. Jared’s hand slid under my hair, his thumb trailing along my neck.
I forgot how to breathe or think or do anything except hold on. “I’m not the one. I never was.”
Jared’s cheek brushed mine, as he whispered in my ear. “You’re the only one.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.”
“I want to.”
“Why? I’m always screwing up and making things harder for you…” I bit my lip, wishing I hadn’t said anything.
Jared pulled back, his hand still on my neck. “You think you make things harder for me?”
“I know I do.”
He leaned in, bringing his mouth to my ear. “Only because I worry about you.”
“You don’t have to feel responsible for me,” I said, my voice raw.
Jared ran his finger down my cheek, tracing the line where a tear had fallen. “That’s not the reason.”
I opened my hand and rested it against his chest without thinking. Jared’s heart beat against my unmarked skin. “Half the time you won’t even look at me.”
His fingers slid down the back of my neck. “And the other half, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I closed my hand, balling his shirt in my fist. “Jared—”
His face clouded over, and he stepped back. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It was a mistake.”
For a second, the words didn’t register. Not when he just chased me and held me in his arms and said—
It was a mistake.
I was a mistake. That’s what he meant.
This wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words. Heat crawled up my neck where his hand had been only a moment ago. I wanted to be anywhere but here—standing in front of the boy who didn’t want me.
Jared reached for my arm, and I backed away, determined not to let him touch me again.
“Kennedy, you don’t understand—”
I swallowed hard, struggling to find my voice. I didn’t want him to know how much I was hurting. “There’s nothing to understand.”
I started to turn away.
Jared caught my hand again. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I know what I want.” He bit his lip and stared at the gravel beneath our feet. “I just can’t have it.”
“Why not?”
Jared’s blue eyes drifted back up to meet mine, too many emotions fighting for control. He let my fingers slip out of his.
“I screw everything up, and the people close to me are the ones who get hurt.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded behind me. “Just ask Lukas.”
I stood there paralyzed, as Lukas and Priest walked toward us.
Lukas’ smile faded, anger and jealousy warring in his eyes as he mentally calculated the distance between Jared and me. He had no way of knowing that we were miles apart in every way that mattered.
Priest didn’t seem to notice. “We know you’re one of us, Kennedy. And I think we figured out why your mark didn’t show up.”
The mark.
Jared’s rejection had temporarily distracted me from the fact that the universe had rejected me, too.
“We need to compare notes to be sure.” Priest kept talking, but I was only half-listening. Jared wouldn’t look at me, and Lukas wouldn’t stop looking at his brother.
The words registered slowly. “Wait? You don’t know how they work?”
Priest paced across the asphalt. “Our families didn’t go into a lot of detail. It was sort of like ‘destroy a vengeance spirit and you’ll get your mark.’ ”
“That’s pretty self-explanatory.” I didn’t realize how badly I wanted to be one of them until the possibility disappeared.
Lukas pushed his way past Jared until he was standing next to me. “There were lots of things they didn’t tell us about, like the Shift, or the fact that one of the members of the Legion had dropped off the grid. This is probably another one of those things.”
I thought about all the moments when the four of them seemed to be figuring things out as they went along. Their relatives probably never imagined they would all die on the same day, leaving the Legion in the hands of five teenagers who’d have to ditch class to protect the world from a demon.
Lukas nudged my shoulder with his. “Come back to the van, and we’ll explain why your mark didn’t show up.”
He sounded so sure.
But what if he was wrong?
Alara was sitting in the back of the van with the doors open, her journal resting in her lap. “Did you tell her?”