5
Return
Wrapped in his arms, I listened to the beat of my heart, which swelled and pounded in my chest. Like the Grinch, my heart had shrunk until it was two sizes too small. When Ren touched me, all the emotions I’d been holding back spilled out and flooded through my body, slowly filling the emptiness.
I felt myself blossom and grow with new vigor. Ren was the sun, and the tenderness he showed me was life-giving water. A dormant part of me burst into pulsing life, stretched deep rooty fingers, opened thick green leaves, and shot curling tendrils outward drawing us closer together.
Sarah called out from the kitchen, reminding me that a world existed outside the two of us. “Kelsey? Kelsey? Who is it?”
Snapping back to reality, I stepped away. He let me go, but slid his hand down my arm and laced his fingers through mine. I was mute. My mouth opened to answer, but I couldn’t form a single word.
Ren sensed my plight and announced his arrival. “Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Neilson?”
Mike and Sarah both stopped mid-stride when they saw him. Ren smiled in his devastating way and extended his hand.
“Hello. I’m Mr. Kadam’s grandson, Ren.”
He shook hands warmly with Mike and then extended a hand to Sarah. When Ren turned his smile on her, she flushed, nervous as a schoolgirl. It made me feel better to know that I wasn’t the only female to lose all sense of reason around him. He had a mesmerizing effect on women of all ages.
Mike said, “Huh, Ren. That’s a coincidence. Hey, Kelsey, wasn’t that tiger—”
I rushed forward. “Uh, yeah. Funny thing, huh?” I looked up at Ren and hooked my thumb at him.
“But, Ren is actually just his nickname. His given name is . . . Al.” I punched him on the arm, “Right, Al?”
His eyebrows drew together in amused puzzlement. “Right, Kelsey.” He turned to Mike and Sarah again. “It’s actually Alagan, but you can call me Ren. Everyone does.”
By this time, Sarah had regained her composure. “Well, Ren. Please come inside and meet the children.”
He smiled at her again and said, “I would love to.”
Sarah responded by stifling a girlish giggle and patting her hair. Ren stooped to pick up several large packages that he’d stacked by the door while I made a beeline for the family room.
While Mike helped Ren, Sarah found me and whispered, “Kelsey, when did you two meet? For a minute there, I thought I was finally meeting Li. What’s going on?”
I stared straight at the Christmas tree as I mumbled, “That’s what I’d like to know.”
The men entered the living room, where Ren removed his charcoal herringbone trench coat and draped it over a chair. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved gray zip polo shirt that clung to his chest and arms.
“Who’s Li?” Ren asked.
My mouth dropped open. “How did you—” I snapped my mouth shut quickly. I’d forgotten about his tiger hearing. “Li is . . . umm . . . a guy . . . that I know.”
Sarah raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything.
Ren watched me closely, politely waited for me to sit, and then sat down on the couch next to me. The minute he sat, the kids were all over him.
“I have presents for the two of you,” he said conspiratorially to Rebecca and Sammy. “Can you open them together?”
The kids nodded their heads seriously, and he laughed and shoved a large box over to them. They frantically opened it and pulled out a set of Dr. Seuss books. The books looked strange to me at first. I took one out of the set and figured out why.
I whispered to him, “You got first editions! For kids? Those are worth probably thousands of dollars each!”
He tucked some hair behind my ear and leaned over to whisper, “I got you a set just like it at home. Don’t be jealous.”
My face turned bright red. “That’s not what I meant.”
He laughed and picked up the next gift. Mike kept stealing glances out the window at Ren’s car.
“So, Ren, I see you have a Hummer out there.”
Ren looked up at Mike. “Yes, I do.”
“Do you think you could take me for a ride some time? I mean, I’ve always wanted to ride in one of those.”
Ren rubbed his jaw. “Sure, but I can’t do it today. I have to get settled in at my new residence.”
“Oh . . . you’ll be staying here for a while?”
“That’s the plan, at least for the term. I’ve signed up to take a few classes at Western Oregon University.”
“Well, that’s great. You’ll be going to school with Kelsey.”
Ren grinned. “Yes, that’s right. Perhaps we’ll bump into each other there.”
Mike turned his attention to the car again with a big smile on his face. Sarah was watching me closely. I tried to maintain a neutral expression, but, inside, I was a mass of questions.
What is he thinking? Staying here? Where? Going to school with me? What am I going to do? Why is he here?
Ren slid a large gift over to Sarah and Mike. “This is for you two.”
Mike helped Sarah open it, and they pulled out a brand new red mixer with every attachment known to mankind. I wouldn’t be surprised if she could create an ice sculpture with the thing. Sarah began talking excitedly about all the organic wheat-free baked goods she would now be making.
Ren picked up a smaller package and handed it to me. “This is from Mr. Kadam.”
I opened it and found leather-bound copies of from India, Romance of the Three Kingdoms from China, and The Tale of Genji from Japan, all translated into English. There was also a short letter wishing me a merry Christmas.
I stroked my hand over the leather covers and made a mental note to call him and thank him later.
Ren handed me another gift. “This one’s from Kishan.”
Sarah looked up from her mixer and asked, “Who’s Kishan?”
Ren replied, “Kishan is my younger brother.”
Sarah gave me a motherly look of exasperation, to which I shrugged sheepishly in response. I’d never mentioned Ren or Kishan to her, and she was probably wondering how I could fail to remember someone like him. I’d be wondering why I’d been so close-mouthed too.
I opened the box and found a small jewelry case from Tiffany’s. Inside was a thin, white-gold necklace. The card was very carefully handwritten:
Hey, Kells,
Miss you.
Come home soon.
I figured you’d like something more girlish to wear with my amulet.
There’s also an extra gift in the box, just in case you need it.
Kishan
I set the necklace aside and dug through the box. A small cylinder was wrapped in tissue paper. Unrolling it, a cold, metal canister fell into my palm. It was a can of pepper-spray. On it, Kishan had taped a picture of a tiger with a circle and a slash across its face. At the top were the words “Tiger Repellant” in big black letters.
I giggled, and Ren took it from me. After reading the label, he frowned and tossed the can back in the box. Reaching down, he picked up another package.
“This one’s from me.”
His words immediately sobered me. I glanced up quickly to measure Mike and Sarah’s expression. Mike seemed happily ignorant of the tension I felt, but Sarah was more in tune and was considering me carefully. I closed my eyes for a second, praying that whatever was in the box wouldn’t raise a billion questions that I’d have to answer.
I slipped my fingers under the heavy wrapping paper and opened the packaging. Reaching my hand inside the box, I felt smooth, polished wood. The kids helped me yank the carton off. Inside was a hand-carved jewelry box.
Ren leaned toward me. “Open it.”
I ran my hand nervously across the top and carefully tilted open the lid. Rows of tiny drawers were lined with velvet, and inside each little drawer was a coiled-up hair ribbon.
“The segments come out. See?”
He lifted the top section and the next one. There were five sections with about forty ribbons per section.
“Every ribbon is different. No two colors are the same, and there’s at least one from every major country in the world.”
Stunned, I said, “Ren . . . I—”
I looked up. Mike saw nothing wrong at all. He probably thought something like this happened every day. Sarah was looking at Ren with new eyes. Her suspicious and concerned expressions were gone.
With a small approving smile on her face, she said, “Well, Ren. It seems you know Kelsey pretty well. She does love hair ribbons.”
Suddenly, Sarah cleared her throat loudly, stood, and asked us to watch the kids while they went for a quick run. They brought us two mugs of steaming hot chocolate and disappeared upstairs to change into jogging clothes. Though they exercised all the time, they usually took a break on Christmas. Was she trying to give Ren and me some alone time? I wasn’t sure if I should hug her or beg her to stay.
The box was still on my lap, and I was absentmindedly fingering a ribbon when they jogged out the door with a wave.
Ren reached over and touched my hand. “You don’t like it?”
I looked up into his blue eyes and said huskily, “It’s the best present I’ve ever been given.”
He smiled brilliantly, picked up my hand, and pressed a soft kiss on my fingers.
Turning to the kids, he asked, “Now who would like a story?”
Rebecca and Sammy picked out a book and climbed up onto Ren’s lap. He wrapped an arm around each of them.
He read in an animated voice, “I am Sam. Sam I am. Do you like green eggs and ham?”
The only word he got stuck on was “anywhere,” but the kids helped him sound it out, and he got it every time after that. I was impressed. Mr. Kadam must have taught him how to read English.
Ren convinced Sammy to hold the book for him and pulled me closer with his free arm. He tugged me up against his body so that my head rested on his shoulder and then trailed his fingers teasingly up and down my arm.
When Mike and Sarah returned, I bolted up and started gathering my things like a woman with her shoes on fire. Nervously, I glanced at Ren and found him watching me with a slightly amused, steady gaze. Mike and Sarah thanked us and helped me pack my things into my car. Ren said his good-byes too and waited for me outside.
Sarah gave me a look that clearly meant I had some explaining to do. Then she shut the door and left us in the cold December weather. We were finally alone.
Ren slipped off a glove and traced my face with his warm fingertips.
“Go home, Kells. Don’t ask me questions now. This isn’t the right place. We’ll have plenty of time later. I’ll meet you there.”
“But—”
“Later, rajkumari.” He slipped his glove back on and walked over to the Hummer.
When did he learn how to drive? I turned my car around and watched the Hummer in the rearview mirror until I turned onto a side street, and it fell out of view.
Thousands of questions pummeled my brain, and I ran through the list on the drive up the mountain. The road was a little icy. I set aside the burning questions filling my mind to focus on the drive.
When I passed the curve and saw my house, I noticed something was different. It took me a minute to figure out what it was: there were curtains in the window of the connecting duplex. Someone had moved in.
I parked in the garage and walked to the front door of the other home. I knocked but nobody answered. Twisting the knob, I found the door unlocked. The home was furnished almost the same way as mine but in darker, more masculine colors. When I saw the old mandolin resting on the leather couch, my nagging suspicions were confirmed. Ren was moving in.
I walked through the kitchen, found the pantry and refrigerator empty, and saw that the bottom half of the back door had been refitted with a huge swinging flap.
Hmm . . . won’t keep burglars out. They can crawl right in. But, I guess they’d get a surprise if they tried to steal something here.
I hurried back to my house, closing the door behind me, not even bothering to look upstairs or check his closet for the designer labels I knew were there. There was no doubt in my mind that Ren was my new neighbor.
In fact, I’d just slipped out of my shoes and coat when I heard what could only be the Hummer making its way up the drive. I watched him from the window. He was a good driver. He somehow managed to maneuver the giant vehicle between the protruding branches that might’ve scratched the paint. He parked the Hummer in the other garage, and I heard the crunch of his footsteps on the frozen path as he made his way to my front door.
Leaving it open for him, I walked into the living room, sat down in my recliner with my feet tucked under me, and folded my arms across my chest. I knew that body-language specialists said it was a classic defensive pose, but I didn’t care.
I heard him close the door, shrug out of his coat, and hang it in the hall closet. Turning the corner, Ren walked into the living room. He searched my face for a brief moment and then ran a hand through his hair as he sat down across from me. His hair was longer than it had been in India. Silky black strands fell over his forehead, and he brushed them back in annoyance. He looked bigger, brawnier than I remembered. He must be eating better than he used to.
We looked at each other silently for several seconds.
Finally, I said, “So . . . you’re my new neighbor.”
“Yes.” He sighed softly. “I couldn’t stay away from you anymore.”
“I didn’t think you were trying to stay away.”
“You asked me to. I was trying to honor your wishes. I wanted to give you time to think. To clear your head. To . . . listen to your heart.”
I’d definitely had time to think. Unfortunately, my thoughts were about as confused as they possibly could be. I hadn’t been able to think clearly since I’d left India. And I hadn’t listened to my heart since I woke up next to Ren in Kishkindha. I’d shut myself off from my heart months ago.
“Oh. So then, your feelings haven’t . . . changed?”
“My feelings are stronger than they ever were.”
His blue eyes studied my face. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and leaned forward. “Kelsey, every day you were away from me was agonizing. It drove me crazy. If Mr. Kadam hadn’t kept me busy every minute, I would have been on a plane the next week. I sat patiently through his instruction every day, but I was only a man for six hours. As a tiger, I wore a path on my bedroom rug from pacing hour after hour. He almost got out a safari rifle to shoot me with a tranquilizer. I couldn’t be appeased. I was restless, a wild animal without . . . without his mate.”
I fidgeted and shifted in the chair.
“I told Kishan I needed to train to get my fighting skills back up to par. We fought constantly as both men and beasts. We trained with weapons, claws, teeth, and bare hands. Fighting with him was probably the only thing that kept me sane. I’d fall onto my rug every night bloody, exhausted, and drained. But, still . . . I could feel you.
“You were on the other side of the world, but I often woke with the scent of you surrounding me. I ached for you, Kells. No matter how much Kishan thrashed me, it couldn’t diminish the pain of losing you. I’d dream of you and reach out to touch you, but you were always just out of reach. Kadam kept telling me it was for the best and that I had things to learn before I could come to Oregon. He was probably right, but I didn’t want to hear it.”
“But if you wanted to be with me then . . . why didn’t you call?”
“I wanted to. It tortured me to hear your voice every week when you called Kadam. I waited nearby each time, hoping that you would ask to speak to me, but you never did. I didn’t want to pressure you. I wanted to respect your wishes. I wanted it to be your decision.”
How ironic. There were so many times I wanted to ask for him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“You listened in on our phone conversations?”
“Yes. I have excellent hearing, remember?”
“Right. So what . . . changed? Why come here now?”
Ren laughed sardonically. “It’s Kishan’s doing. We were sparring one day, and he was beating me as usual. By that point, I didn’t even compete much with him anymore. I wanted him to hurt me. It helped. Suddenly, he stopped. He walked around me and looked me up and down. I stood there and waited for him to resume the fight. Then he pulled back his fist and punched me as hard as he could.
“I just stood there and took it, not even bothering to defend myself. Next, he punched me as hard as he could in the gut. I recovered and stood in front of him again, not even caring. He growled and shouted in my face.”
“What did he say?”
“A lot of things, most of which I’d rather not repeat. The gist of it was that I needed to snap out of it and that if I was so miserable . . . why didn’t I get up and do something about it?”
“Oh.”
“He mocked me, saying that the mighty Prince of the Mujulaain Empire, the High Protector of the People, the champion at the Battle of the Hundred Horses, the heir to the throne, was felled by a young girl. He said there was nothing more pathetic than a cowering tiger licking his wounds.
“At that point, I didn’t care what he said. Nothing fazed me until he told me that our parents would be ashamed. That they raised a coward. That’s when I made a decision.”
“The decision to come here.”
“Yes. I decided that I needed to be near you. I decided that, even if all you wanted was friendship, I would be happier here than I was in India without you.”
Ren got up, knelt at my feet, and took my hand. “I decided to find you, throw myself at your feet, and beg you to have mercy on me. I’ll accept whatever you choose. Honestly, Kelsey. Just please don’t ask me to live apart from you again. Because . . . I can’t.”
How could I remain unyielding? Ren’s words penetrated the flimsy barriers around my heart. I’d meant to set up a barbed wire fence, but the barbs had marshmallow tips. He slipped right through my defenses. Ren touched his forehead to my hand, and my marshmallow heart melted.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugged him, and whispered in his ear, “A prince of India should never have to get down on his knees and beg for anything. Alright. You can stay.”
He sighed and hugged me close.
I grinned wryly. “After all, I wouldn’t want PETA to come after me for tiger abuse.”
He laughed softly. “Wait right here,” he said and walked out the door that connected both our houses. He came back in with a package tied with a red ribbon.
The box was long, thin, and black. I cracked it open and saw a bracelet. The thin chain had a white-gold oval locket. Inside were two pictures: Ren, the prince, and Ren, the tiger.
I smiled. “You knew I’d want to remember the tiger too.”
Ren clasped the locket to my wrist and sighed. “Yes, even though I’m slightly jealous of him. He gets to spend much more time with you than I do.”
“Hmm. Well, not as much as he used to. I miss him.”
He grimaced. “Believe me, you’ll get to see plenty of him in the coming weeks.”
His warm fingers brushed my arm, and my pulse hammered. He pulled my arm up to eye level, inspected the charm, and pressed a kiss on the inside of my wrist.
Ren’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he said, “So do you like it?”
“Yes. Thank you. But . . .” My face fell. “I didn’t get you anything.”
He tugged me close and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You got me the best present of all. You gave me today. It’s the best present I could have wished for.”
I laughed and teased. “Pretty poor wrapping job I did then.”
“Hmm, you’re right. I’d better wrap you up properly.”
Ren grabbed my grandmother’s quilt from the back of the recliner and wrapped me up like a mummy. I kicked and squealed as he scooped me up in his arms and onto his lap.
“Let’s read something, Kells. I’m ready for another Shakespearean play. I tried to read one on my own, but I had a hard time sounding out the words.”
I cleared my throat noisily from within my cocoon. “As you can see, my captor, my arms are trapped.”
Ren leaned over to nuzzle my ear, and then suddenly stiffened. “Someone is here.”
The doorbell rang. Ren jumped up, set me on my feet, and spun me out of the blanket before I could blink. I stood there for a moment dizzy and confused. Then I flushed in embarrassment.
I hissed, “What happened to your tiger hearing?”
He grinned at me. “I was distracted, Kells. You can hardly blame me. Are you expecting someone?”
It suddenly hit me: “Li!”
“Li?”
I grimaced. “We have a . . . a date.”
Ren’s eyes darkened, and he repeated quietly, “You have a date?”
“Yes . . .” I said haltingly.
My mind raced with thoughts of the man next to me and the one outside my door. Ren is back, but what does that mean? And what am I supposed to do now?
The doorbell rang again. At the very least, I knew I couldn’t leave Li standing there.
Turning to Ren, I explained, “I need to go now. Please stay here. There’s sandwich stuff in the fridge for dinner. I’ll be back later. Please be patient. And don’t . . . get . . . mad.”
Ren folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. “If that’s what you want me to do. I will.”
I sighed with relief. “Thank you. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Slipping on my shoes, I picked up the wrapped set of DVDs I had bought for Li. Tight-lipped, Ren helped me into my coat and then stalked into the kitchen. He leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and a raised eyebrow. I gave him a weak, pleading smile and headed for the front door.
I felt a twinge of guilt at having a gift for Li and not for Ren, but quickly dismissed it and pulled open the door acting as if nothing strange was happening. “Hey, Li.”
“Merry Christmas, Kelsey,” Li said, completely unaware that everything in my life had changed once again.
My date with Li did not go as originally planned. We were supposed to see a martial arts movie and have Christmas dinner at Grandma Zhi’s. I was somber, and my thoughts kept drifting back to Ren. It was hard to focus on Li—or anything for that matter.
“What’s wrong, Kelsey? You seem very quiet.”
“Li, would you mind if we skipped the movie and just had an early dinner? I need to make some calls when I get home. You know, to say merry Christmas to friends.”
Li was disappointed but rebounded cheerfully, as usual. “Oh. Sure. That’s not a problem.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie. I was planning on calling Mr. Kadam later. But that didn’t make me feel one bit better about changing our plans.
At Grandma Zhi’s, the boys were mid-way through an all-day-game marathon. I played, but I was distracted and made bad strategic decisions—so bad that even the guys commented on it.
“What’s up with you tonight, Kelsey?” Wen asked. “You never let me get away with a move like that.”
I smiled at him. “I don’t know. Christmas blues maybe.”
I was losing badly, so Li grabbed my hand and led me to the living room to open our presents. Li and I exchanged gifts and opened them at the same time.
We pulled the paper off and laughed long and hard. We had bought each other the exact same present. It felt good to let go of some of the tension I had pent up.
“Apparently, we both like martial arts DVDs,” Li chuckled.
“I’m sorry, Li. I should have put some more thought into it.”
He was still laughing. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a good sign. Grandma Zhi would say it’s good luck in Chinese culture. It means we’re compatible.”
“Yeah,” I said thoughtfully, “I guess it does.”
We went back to the game after eating, and I played robotically while thinking about what he’d said. He was right in many ways. We were compatible and probably much more suited for each other than Ren and I were. Like Sarah and Mike, these were normal people, a normal family. And Ren was . . . not. He was immortal and gorgeous. He was too perfect.
I could easily envision making a life with Li. It would be comfortable and safe. He would be a doctor and set up a private practice in the suburbs. We’d have a couple of kids and vacation in Disneyland. The kids would all take wushu and soccer. We’d celebrate holidays with his grandparents and have all his friends and their wives over for barbeques.
A life with Ren was harder to picture. We didn’t look as if we belonged together. It was like matching up Ken with Strawberry Shortcake. He needed Barbie. What would Ren do in Oregon? Would he get a job? What would he put on his résumé? High Protector and former Prince of India? Would we purchase a time-share in a wild animal theme park so he could be the main attraction on weekends? None of it made sense. But I couldn’t deny my feelings for Ren—not anymore.
It was painfully obvious that my rebellious heart yearned for Ren. And, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to fall for Li, the fact of the matter was that I was always drawn back to Ren. I liked Li. Maybe someday I could even love him. I definitely didn’t want to hurt Li. It wasn’t fair.
What am I going to do?
After I played badly for another hour, Li drove me home. It was early evening when he pulled into the driveway. I looked at the windows for a familiar shadow but didn’t see anything. The house was dark. Li walked me to my door.
“Hey, are my eyes deceiving me or is that mistletoe hanging up there?” Li asked, squeezing my elbow.
I glanced up at the mistletoe and remembered my resolve to kiss Li tonight. It seemed like so long ago. Now everything has changed. Hasn’t it? What about Ren? Could we really just be friends? Should I risk everything and take a chance with Ren? Or go with a sure thing like Li? How do I choose?
I’d been quiet a long time, and Li was waiting patiently for my answer. Finally, I turned to him and said, “Yeah. It is.”
I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him softly on the lips. It was nice. Not the passionate kiss I’d been planning, but he still seemed happy about it. He briefly touched my face and smiled. Li’s touch was nice. Safe. But, it wasn’t anything at all like what I felt with Ren. Li’s kiss was a speck of dust in the universe, a drop of water next to a raging waterfall.
How do you live with something so mediocre when you’ve had something so exceptional? I guess you just do and learn to treasure your memories.
I twisted the key in the lock and cracked the door open.
Li hollered happily, “Night, Kelsey. See you Monday.”
I watched him drive off and then stepped inside the house to face the Indian prince waiting for me within.