“I’d rather not talk about this right now. ’Preciate ya.”
“Perhaps we can discuss it in bed later,” I purred. “You can’t keep secrets forever. Your Packmaster needs a better understanding of where you’re coming from. You shouldn’t be shamed by something that wasn’t your fault.”
“It was my choice.”
I turned to face him. “It was your choice to save your brother.”
His lips peeled back. “At the cost of lives? There’s no justifying that.”
Wheeler’s internal conflict seemed clearer to me now. He had to deal with an ungrateful brother, but he also wrestled the demons of feeling like a murderer. Can a person justify killing another to save the life of someone they love? Cage fights were about survival, but Wheeler had already painted himself a killer.
“Family means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”
His voice softened. “It’s the only good thing I have—the only thing worth fighting for.”
“You did that in the cage, you know. Fought for your brother.”
“I murdered people!” His voice reverberated off the windows and ceiling.
I pointed my finger in his face. “You didn’t walk up to someone on the street and take their life. You and other victims—yes, victims—were put in a situation where you had to survive. I’m sure they were just as eager to live as you were and fought ruthlessly.”
Wheeler threw his head back. “Not the first one.” Three deep lines pressed into his forehead and he rubbed at them. “They don’t put new blood in with an experienced fighter the first time. I was caged with another wolf, and neither of us had shifted. He was just a kid. Looked my age, but I could tell he really was that age. He gripped the bars, screaming for them to let him out.”
“How did they get you to fight? If you were both unwilling…”
Wheeler’s hands dropped to his lap and his voice fell flat. “They threatened to kill someone in our families. They used verbal tactics to turn us against each other. When that didn’t work, they flipped on a strobe. I shifted, and they were outside the cage, prodding my wolf with electric pokers to piss him off. I could feel his confusion and anger.”
“And the other wolf?”
“He didn’t shift. I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d covered his eyes or hadn’t gone through his first change. Just as I slipped away and let my wolf take over, I remember him huddled on the slab of concrete, gripping the bars and crying.”
“Bastards,” I whispered. “Nothing I say is going to make a difference, but you need to put that guilt to rest. Victims always want to think they had some level of control, but that’s a lie.”
“What do you know about being a victim?”
“That it’s perceptional,” I said. “You can either live as a victim or become a survivor. The choice is yours, and it will change your life in ways you can’t imagine. Have I ever experienced anything like you have? No. But if I had lived my life as a victim of circumstance, then I might have made poorer choices. My self-confidence would be low, and maybe I’d turn tricks like some of the other girls. But I stand behind my choices and my past, and screw anyone who has a problem with it.”
A smile wound up his face, and he stared listlessly out his window.
“It’s liberating,” I pressed in soft words. “Even if your Packmaster is the only one to know, you shouldn’t continue carrying the burden of guilt. You might be surprised by what he has to say.”
“He’ll toss me out on my ass.”
“Look at what you did for Ben; do you think your brothers wouldn’t do the same for you?”
He centered his eyes on mine, pain glittering in their depths.
I stroked his cheek and pinched the hair on his chin. “I know you love him, but if Austin turns his back on you, then maybe he doesn’t love you as much as you deserve to be loved.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve it. Ever think of that?”
My hand slid down to his arm, and I traced my finger across the shadows of his ink. I liked the way he let me touch him even though he sat stoically, as if he didn’t deserve affection. Wheeler reminded me of the Tin Man—all rusty and impenetrable on the outside, devoid of a heart. But who could have guessed that beneath all that armor was a man capable of unwavering devotion and love? I saw it in the way he protected his pack no matter the cost to himself. Could I have done the same for another?
I wondered.
“I’ve never met anyone as dangerous and intelligent as you, Wheeler. Lexi tells me all about her brothers, and I know the kind of work you’ve done for them as well as in your past. That’s a beautiful mind to waste in that enormous head of yours.”
“I’ve never had a woman compliment me for having a big head.”
“Now that I doubt,” I growled sexily.
Wheeler suddenly leaned forward and gripped the seat in front of him. “Shit.”
“What is it?”
“Eleven o’clock. We’ve got company.”