“I hate that they killed my family,” she said, sounding stronger than ever. “I hate that they’re keeping me prisoner here. But more than I hate them, I hate being weak. I hate being human.”
“What?” I knew I must be looking at her like she was crazy, but I didn’t care. Because what she’d said was crazy. “If you hate being human, what would you rather be?”
“A vampire,” she said simply.
“No.” I shook my head and backed away, flashes of the faces of all the people I’d killed rushing through my mind. “The vampires are killers. Murderers. Why would you want to be like them?”
Like me, I thought, although of course I didn’t say it out loud.
“First of all, most of them can control their urges,” she said, as if she’d done full research on the topic. “They drink the blood we donate instead of killing humans.”
“Controlling those urges isn’t as easy as you make it sound,” I muttered.
“Really?” She tilted her head, watching me closely. “How would you know?”
I wracked my mind for an explanation that wouldn’t give away my secret. “Don’t you know about that vampire who got loose last year and killed all those villagers?” I asked. “I know you must know—everyone knows. It’s why they needed to go on all those scouting missions to bring back new humans for the village. It’s why they took you.”
“And you,” she said, reminding me of the story I’d told her earlier when we were dancing.
“Why would you want to become a creature like that?” I asked.
“Most of them aren’t like that.” She straightened, looking fully convinced. “That vampire who rampaged the village was killed by order of the queen.”
“Really?” I couldn’t help but chuckle. If only she knew…
“Yes,” she said. “But that’s not the point.”
“Then tell me,” I asked. “What is your point?”
She glanced back up at the palace, took a deep breath, and turned back to me. “As humans, we’ll always be weak compared to the supernaturals,” she said, clenching her fists by her sides. “We have no chance against them. We’ll always be slaves to the vampires. But if I were one of them, I would be free.” Her eyes were so full of fire and determination—I knew she believed it.
And on a certain level, she was right. The vampires would never let her leave the Vale. She would be a blood slave until she died.
She also had no chance of becoming a vampire, since each person turned in North America had to be approved by Laila. Any vampires turned without her approval were killed.
Human blood slaves were considered the lowest of the low. They were farm animals—a food source.
Laila never had, and never would, consider one of them worthy of becoming a vampire. Which was a good thing, because I hated the thought of Annika risking her life to become a monster.
“What?” she asked, tilting her head in curiosity. “Are you realizing that I’m right? That becoming a vampire is the only way for us to ever be truly free?”
“It’s irrelevant,” I said. “They would never turn you. Or any of us, for that matter.”
“I know,” she said, and then she turned back to gaze at the palace. “But it doesn’t hurt to dream.”
Looking at her now—at this seemingly delicate human girl who had somehow managed to stay strong despite what she’d been through at the hands of the vampires—I realized that there was nothing more I wanted than to step closer to her, look into her eyes again, and kiss her.
If I’d been human—if I were Jake and not Jacen, and if the story I’d told her had been true—I would have done exactly that.
But it did hurt to dream. Because I would never be human. And if I kissed her, I feared I might lose control and crave a taste of her blood. I would stop myself from draining her—I trusted my control enough to risk coming out here tonight—but then she would know that everything I’d told her so far had been a lie.
No matter how much I admired her strength, resilience, and hope, and no matter how much I wanted to get to know her better, the two of us had no future. By being here with her, I was living in a fantasyland as much as she was every time she gazed up at the palace and dreamed of becoming a vampire.
Maybe in another life we would have worked out. But not in this one.
There was only one honorable thing I could do at this point—compel her to forget me. I hated the thought of it, but it would be best for both of us. Because coming here with her—trusting her and starting to build a connection with her—was a mistake.
“Annika,” I said her name slowly, savoring each syllable as I spoke it.
“What?” She turned to me, her eyes full of hope.
She was looking at me the way I’d hoped she would when I’d first spotted her in the square, and the trust in her eyes took my breath away.
“You’re going to forget you ever met me,” I said calmly, feeling the magic of compulsion in my voice as I spoke. “Tonight, you were dancing with your friends when the vampire guards showed up. You got scared and ran back here—alone—and fell asleep reading.” I reached for a book sitting on top of the shelves—a bookmark stuck out from it, so I assumed it was the one she was currently reading—and handed it to her.
She didn’t take it.
“What?” She backed away, her forehead creased with hurt, her fists clenched by her sides. “Why do you want me to pretend we never met?”
Annika
“It’s for the best,” Jake said, his intense gaze not leaving mine. “You’re going to erase me from your memory completely.”
I took the book and tossed it onto the blankets. “I don’t understand,” I said, wanting—no, needing—to get to the bottom of this. “Is this connected to why you ran away from the vampire guards?”
“Yes.” The intensity left his gaze, and it turned into something else. Confusion.
I thought back on the entire night—dancing with him, the guards showing up, and bringing him here. I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He just stood there, watching me.
Something wasn’t adding up. And there was no way I was going to forget we ever met. I couldn’t forget him, not even if I wanted to.
“I put myself at risk bringing you here tonight.” I crossed my arms, irritated now. “The least you can do is give me some answers.”
“I can’t.” His eyes darted around the attic, as if searching for a way out. “I have to go.”
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Home,” he replied. “And if you’re thinking about trying to follow me—don’t.”
I took a step back, rejection and hurt swirling through my chest. I didn’t get it. As silly as it sounded, I’d felt a connection with Jake while we were dancing. I wouldn’t have taken him here if I hadn’t. I’d thought he felt it, too. After all, he was the one who’d asked me to dance. He was the one who’d agreed to come with me, and who seemed to be enjoying spending time with me. Now he wanted me to forget him?
What could he possibly be involved with that would make him scared of the vampires?
Unless we broke one of their rules, the vampires protected the humans in the village. They needed to, since we were their food.
The only reason to be scared of them was if you’d broken one of their laws and feared being taken to the dungeon.
“Are they trying to arrest you?” I asked. “Is that why you needed to run?”
“No,” he said curtly.
“Then why did you need to hide from them?”
“I can’t tell you that.” He looked away from me, his expression hard.
“I’ll keep your secret.” I stepped closer and took his hand in mine, hoping it would convince him to open up to me and stay. “I promise.”
He hesitated, and for a moment I thought I’d convinced him—that he was going to tell me what he was hiding.
“I can’t.” He pulled his hand out of mine, and my heart fell at his rejection. “But I do have a question for you.”
“Okay.” I straightened, hoping that this question would get me closer to figuring out some answers.
“Do you—or the others at the Tavern—have access to wormwood?” he asked.