“Caravan Osmira took me in when I was nine years old.”
A camel-puller within earshot looked up at my words and slapped his flat palm to his heart in a desert trader gesture. Frederic glanced between us, but I kept my eyes firmly ahead, refusing to answer the question in his.
Could he see the tears I was struggling to hold back? It had been many years since I had spoken the name of my old caravan aloud, and I hadn’t expected it to hit me so hard. If only he would leave me alone before I embarrassed myself. I tried to think of something I could say without emotion.
“They trained me to be a camel-puller, and I led a full string by the time I was eleven.”
“So how did you end up in the jungle?”
I increased my pace, still looking straight ahead. So many questions. “The trader family who had taken me in lost a number of camels over the course of a few months when I was twelve. They consolidated their strings and found they no longer had need of me.”
Frederic lengthened his stride to stay beside me. “Evie.” His voice sounded softer than before. But his sympathy was worse than questions.
When I didn’t respond, he grasped my arm, pulling me to a halt. He looked into my eyes. “Evie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried, it’s none of my business.”
I ripped my arm from his grip, tears welling in my eyes. Too late. Now he had made me lose my remaining composure. The emotion spilled out of me, completely out of control.
“No, it isn’t any of your business. Just like my friends are none of your business, either. I have been nothing but helpful and obedient this entire trip, while you and your sister adopted me and paraded me around like your pet. Why can’t you just let me be?”
I took off running, hating myself already for my words. I didn’t look back because I didn’t want to see the confusion and disgust that no doubt filled his face as he watched me flee.
Celine called to me in the distance, but I ignored her, running until I had lost myself in the crowd of animals. When I found a suitably abandoned spot, I curled up and cried until I had no more tears left.
When they at last dried, I remained where I was, still lost in misery. What had I done? I should never have agreed to come here. Despite the joy of seeing my old friend, the feel of the oppressive sun, the smell of the camels—even the sounds they made—brought far too much flooding back. I would have nightmares for months now, and I had just exploded and driven away my new friends.
Tears I hadn’t thought still left in me squeezed out when I thought of how I had yelled at Frederic and what he would think of me now. I had known that my broken past would drive them away eventually. But for all my foreknowledge, I hadn’t managed to protect my heart. It hurt just as much as I had feared it would.
We were to camp here for the night before moving on, so I had no reason to re-emerge. But eventually my rumbling stomach, combined with the odd looks I was getting from passing camel-pullers, made me shake myself off and stand.
I was here now, and it was too late to turn back. I must find a way to push it aside as I always did and pretend the coming rejection didn’t sting. I took a few moments to arrange my features accordingly, scrubbing away as much evidence of my tears as possible.
As I walked back in search of the rest of the Tour, I took a more considered look around. This caravan, Caravan Adira, had always been one of the larger ones, but in the years of my absence, it had grown bigger than any caravan I had ever seen. There must be at least twenty strings of camels, each string with between ten and fifteen enormous two-humped animals. Most of them were owned by the larger trader families in the caravan, which made Ofie’s achievement in attaining two whole strings all the more remarkable.
More tents, familiar ones this time, had sprung up while I was hiding. Dejectedly I found the steward and asked him where I was assigned to sleep.
“With the princess, of course.” He looked at me as if I were mad. “I would have thought you knew the princes well enough by now to know the happenings in the jungle were hardly designed to ease their minds. “
“Yes, but…” I frowned. So they hadn’t spoken to him yet. I chewed the inside of my cheek. I would have to wait until one of them did.
Wandering on, I caught sight of the three royals standing together and froze, a flash of heat racing through my body. I reminded myself I would have to face them eventually and tried to calm my face.
“I can’t find her anywhere,” said Celine, sounding upset. “And everyone just looks at me blankly when I ask if they’ve seen her.”
“This isn’t your fault, Celine,” said Frederic, running his hand through his hair, “it’s mine.” His eyes looked tight and worried.
Were they talking about me? I took a step forward, and Cassian looked up.
“Evie.” I couldn’t pick the emotion in his voice, although he sounded slightly less calm than usual.
“Evie?” Celine spun around and dashed toward me, throwing her arms around my neck. “There you are! I’ve been so worried! I thought you might have run off into the desert and died!”
“Um…I haven’t been gone that long.” I patted the younger girl’s back awkwardly.
“I told her you knew the desert. That you wouldn’t do something so dangerous.” Frederic’s quiet voice sounded strained.
Celine suddenly pulled herself away and glared at me. “How could you do that to me? I was terrified.”
“I…” I swallowed. I had been so absorbed in my past and my imagined pain at losing them, that it had never occurred to me I might be causing pain to any of them.
I looked up and met Frederic’s eyes. He was the one I had most wronged when he had merely attempted to offer sympathy. Something in his expression told me that there was no question of my being cast off, and shame filled me. I insulted them when I continued to imagine the worst. A worst that never seemed to eventuate, no matter what I did or what they learned.
“I’m sorry,” I said to Celine, meeting both of the princes’ eyes to extend the apology to them. “It was thoughtless of me.”
Celine grinned. “I forgive you. I pretty much have to since my family is always telling me I’m terribly thoughtless.” She sounded cheerful again already. “Can we go inside one of the tents now? I’m dying out here! And I thought it was hot at home. I think I’m going to need one of those wraps, after all, Evie. Even if I do hate the idea of being surrounded by so much fabric when it’s so hot.”
She led the way with me trailing behind. Frederic fell into step next to me.
“I am also sorry, Evie,” he said. “And I’m glad you’re all right.”
I sighed. “No, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m truly sorry for behaving so inexcusably, Your Highness. You did not deserve my outburst.”
“Your Highness?” He frowned at me. “What happened to Frederic?”
I looked down at the ground, afraid he would read the emotion in my eyes. I forced light humor into my voice. “You’re right, how foolish of me, I can’t imagine what I was thinking. It’s not as if you’re a prince, or anything.”
He chuckled softly. “There’s my Evie.” He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear the words. His hand reached up and touched my cheek in the lightest of caresses before he turned abruptly and strode away. I froze and watched him disappear. When I turned back to Celine, she had also stopped and was regarding me with narrowed eyes.
“In my tent. Now.”
I grimaced and followed her, afraid of what she might have to say this time.
“That was brilliant!” she announced triumphantly as soon as we were alone. “I couldn’t have planned it better myself.”
I blinked at her.