“You weren’t even conscious,” she said. “You had a spear in your stomach.”
Nezha arched an eyebrow. “I know what I saw.”
Footsteps sounded behind them. Rin jumped, although she had no reason to feel guilty. She was only keeping watch; she wasn’t barred from idle small talk.
“There you are,” said Enki.
Nezha swiftly stood. “I’ll go.”
She glanced up at him, confused. “No, you don’t have to—”
“He should go,” said Enki.
Nezha gave Enki a stiff nod and disappeared briskly around the corner of the wall.
Enki waited a few moments until the sound of Nezha’s footsteps pattering down the stairs died away. Then he glanced down at Rin, mouth pressed in a solemn line. “You didn’t tell me the Dragon Warlord’s brat was a shaman.”
Rin frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“The insignia.” Enki gestured around to his upper back, where Nezha wore his family crest across his uniform. “That’s a dragon mark.”
“That’s just his crest,” said Rin.
“Wasn’t he injured at Sinegard?” Enki inquired.
“Yes.” Rin wondered how Enki had known. Then again, Nezha was the son of the Dragon Warlord; his personal life was public knowledge among the Militia.
“How badly was he hurt?”
“I don’t know,” Rin said. “I was half-unconscious myself when it happened. The general stabbed him—twice, stomach wounds, probably—why does that matter?” She was confused by Nezha’s rapid recovery herself, but she didn’t see why Enki was interrogating her about it. “They missed his vitals,” she added, though that sounded implausible as soon as the words left her mouth.
“Two stomach wounds,” Enki repeated. “Two wounds from a highly experienced Federation general who was not likely to miss. And he’s up and walking in months?”
“You know, considering that one of us literally lives in a barrel, Nezha getting lucky is not that absurd.”
Enki looked unconvinced. “Your friend is hiding something.”
“Ask him yourself, then,” Rin said irritably. “Did you need something?”
Enki was frowning, contemplative, but he nodded. “Altan wants to see you. His office. Now.”
Altan’s office was a mess.
Books and brushes littered the floor. Maps were strewn haphazardly across his desk, city plans tacked up over every inch of wall. They were covered in Altan’s jagged, messy scrawl, outlining diagrams of strategies that made no sense to anyone but Altan. He had circled some critical regions so hard that they looked like he had etched them into the wall with a knifepoint.
Altan was sitting alone at his desk when Rin entered. His eyes were ringed with such a prominent indigo that they looked like bruises.
“You summoned me?” she asked.
Altan set his pen down. “You’re spending too much time with the Dragon Warlord’s brat.”
Rin bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I won’t allow it,” said Altan. “Nezha’s one of Jun’s people. You know better than to trust him.”
Rin opened her mouth and then closed it, trying to figure out whether Altan was being serious. Finally she said, “Nezha’s not in the Fifth. Jun can’t give him orders.”
“Jun was his master,” Altan said. “I’ve seen his armband. He pledged Combat. He’s loyal to Jun; he’ll tell him anything . . .”
Rin stared at him in disbelief. “Nezha’s just my friend.”
“No one is ever your friend. Not when you’re Cike. He’s spying on us.”
“Spying on us?” Rin repeated. “Altan, we’re in the same army.”
Altan stood up and slammed his hands down on the table.
Rin flinched back.
“We are not in the same army. We are the Cike. We’re the Bizarre Children. We’re the force that shouldn’t exist, and Jun wants us to fail. He wants me to fail,” he said. “They all do.”
“The other divisions aren’t our enemy,” Rin said quietly.
Altan paced around the room, arms twitching involuntarily, glaring at his maps as if he could will into formation armies that didn’t exist. He looked quite deranged.
“Everyone is our enemy,” he said. He seemed to be talking to himself more than he was talking to her. “Everyone wants us dead, gone . . . but I won’t go out like this . . .”
Rin swallowed. “Altan—”
He jerked his head toward her. “Can you call the fire yet?”
Rin felt a twinge of guilt. Try as she might, she still couldn’t access the god, could not call it back like she had in Sinegard.
Before she could respond, though, Altan made a noise of disgust. “Never mind. Of course you can’t. You still think you’re playing a game. You think you’re still at school.”
“I do not.”
He crossed the room toward her, grasped her shoulders, and shook her so hard that she gasped out loud. But he only pulled her closer until they were face-to-face, eye to eye. His irises were a furious crimson.
“How hard could it be?” he demanded. His grip tightened, fingers digging painfully into her collarbone. “Tell me, why is this so hard for you? It’s not like this is new to you; you’ve done it before, why can’t you do it now?”
“Altan, you’re hurting me.”
His grip only tightened. “You could at least fucking try—”
“I’ve tried!” she exploded. “It’s not easy, all right? I can’t just . . . I’m not you.”
“Are you a toddler?” Altan said, as if curious. He didn’t shout, but his voice took on a strangled monotone, carefully controlled and deadly quiet. That was how she knew he was furious. “Or are you, perhaps, an idiot masquerading as a soldier? You said you needed time. I have allotted you months. On Speer, you would have been disowned by now. Your family would have hurled you into the ocean for the sheer embarrassment.”
“I’m sorry,” Rin whispered, then immediately regretted it. Altan didn’t want her apology. He wanted her humiliation. He wanted her to burn in shame, to feel so miserable with herself that she couldn’t bear it.
And she did. How was it that he could make her feel so small? She felt more useless than she had at Sinegard when Jun had humiliated her before everyone. This was worse. This was a thousand times worse, because unlike Jun, Altan mattered to her. Altan was a Speerly, Altan was her commander. She needed his approval like she needed air.
He pushed her violently away from him.
Rin fought the urge to touch her collarbone, where she knew she would soon have two bruises left by Altan’s thumbs, perfectly formed dents like teardrops. She swallowed hard, averted her eyes, and said nothing.
“You call yourself a Sinegard-trained soldier?” Altan’s voice had sunk to barely more than a whisper, and it was worse than if he were shouting. She wished he were shouting. Anything would be better than this cold evisceration. “You’re no soldier. You’re deadweight. Until you can call the fire, you’re fucking useless to me. You’re here because you’re purportedly a Speerly. So far I have seen no proof that you are. Fix this. Prove your worth. Do your fucking job or get out.”
She saved her tears for after she was out of the office. Her eyes were still red when she entered the mess hall.
“Have you been crying?” Nezha demanded as he sat down across from her.
“Go away,” she mumbled.
He didn’t go away. “Tell me what happened.”
Rin bit her lower lip. She wasn’t supposed to speak to Nezha. It would have been a double betrayal to complain to him about Altan.
“Was it Altan? Did he say something?”
She looked away pointedly.
“Wait. What’s that?” Nezha reached for her collarbone.
She slapped his hand away and yanked at her uniform.
“You’re just going to sit there and take it?” Nezha asked in disbelief. “I remember a girl who punched me in the face for uttering an ill word about her teacher.”
“Altan’s different,” Rin said.