Like the Drouj, other things will be coming.”
“I know.” She lowered her voice a notch further. “But that’s not what I meant. It can’t be the same between you and me. That’s the part that really hurts. We can’t be the same. You’ve got that black staff, and you’ll be just like Sider Ament—a wanderer, a protector of the people of the valley. You won’t be a Tracker anymore. Not like you were with me. And I won’t be a Tracker because of my eyes. I might not be blind, but I can’t tell colors and that’s enough of a handicap to keep me from doing my job. I have to do something else with my life.”
“It will work itself out. We’ll find a way.” He wanted to put an arm around her or ruffle her thatch of red hair, but he couldn’t do that with Bonnasaint watching. “Besides, we couldn’t go back to just being Trackers like we were in any case. The valley, the people living in it, the way we were all once safe here and protected—it will all be different.”
She nodded. “It will, and I won’t like it, either. I already don’t like what’s happened.
I’m fifteen years old, and I look like I’m blind and you and I are fighting for our lives and the whole valley could be overrun with Trolls at any moment. We have to do something with a man who’s tried to kill us, but not something that would let him be killed. We don’t have a home anymore because it’s too dangerous to go back to the one we had. We have to help Phryne, and we don’t have any idea how to do that. We don’t even know how to help ourselves. We’re just running around in circles, trying to protect each other. Nothing makes sense.”
Pan didn’t say anything for a moment. “You could do something to help yourself if you left all this up to me and went home.”
She glared at him. “You make it sound like that’s something I would actually do. Are you deliberately trying to make me ashamed of myself?”
“I’m offering you a way out. Your mother and father might appreciate that. You didn’t ask for any of this. I was the one who took the staff from Sider when he was dying. I was the one who made the decision to take on his responsibilities. I didn’t expect you to try to help me. I never expected that.”
“So now you insult me, too. ‘Go home, I don’t need you.’ What sort of person would I be if I did what you’re asking?” She was fuming. “And you want me to believe you didn’t expect me to try to help?”
“No. I did, actually. I just didn’t want it to happen. I thought you were still a prisoner of the Drouj. I thought I was coming to rescue you, not the other way around.”
He paused, collecting himself. “It isn’t that I don’t want you here with me. I do. I always do. I always will. There’s no one I could ever depend upon more than you. But what’s happening now is dangerous beyond anything we’ve ever run up against, Prue.
What sort of person would I be if I didn’t ask you to think it over before you got yourself any more deeply involved than you already are? What if something happens to you?
How would I ever forgive myself?”
“What if something happens to you? How would I ever forgive myself?” she parroted.
“It works both ways, Pan.”
“But it’s not the same thing!”
“Because I’m fifteen and you’re seventeen?”
“Because you don’t have to do this and I do!”
She gave him a withering look. “If you believe that, you need to have somebody besides me explain to you what friendship is all about!” He started to protest, but she held up one hand quickly. “No, don’t say anything more. You’ll only make it worse.
Keep talking, and you’ll eventually sound like a complete idiot instead of just a half-wit.
This discussion is over. I am staying with you. Mark it in stone. I’m not changing my mind.”
“It could change if you wanted it to.” He gave it one last try. “You always have a choice.”
“I know that, and I’ve made it. The King of the Silver River thinks you need my help.
He’s given me back the use of my instincts to see that you’re kept safe. I won’t walk away from my responsibility for you any more than you would give up yours for the people of our valley. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s close enough. You and me, Pan.
That’s the way it has always been and that’s the way it’s always going to be. Now shut up and keep walking!”
She said this last so loudly that Bonnasaint, who had been paying scant attention to their whisperings until now, laughed aloud.
“You don’t want to cross the line with that one,” he observed brightly.