But attacking the boy wouldn’t help the situation, and she wasn’t entirely sorry he was there. Notwithstanding his inability to keep silent for more than a few minutes at a time, he provided her with much-needed companionship, a chance to sleep, and a fresh set of eyes to make sure the wrong people didn’t discover them. She had no idea who else she could trust, but she guessed not much of anyone besides the boy.
Really, there was no help for it. It was settled, as far as she was concerned, that she was not leaving the Ashenell without Pan. She had been told that she would be able to protect him, to help keep him safe from the things he couldn’t keep safe from by himself —from the demon certainly, but probably more than that. She knew she hadn’t done much to help him so far, but that didn’t change her belief in what the King of the Silver River had told her. Even with Pan missing and perhaps lost, she would not give up.
Sooner or later, he would resurface. When that happened, she would be there waiting and afterward would stick to him like a second skin.
Even so, she continued to remain uncomfortable with the fact that she had no idea at all how she was going to do that. Thinking of it made her feel helpless. Especially right now. She didn’t know where Pan had gone or what to do to find him. She didn’t know if she could protect him from the demon hunting them. She didn’t even know what she should do about Xac Wen, although with her patience almost exhausted, she knew she was going to have to do something soon.
“Maybe we ought to take a walk through the Ashenell and see if there isn’t another place in the tombs where Pan might have come out,” Xac said, breaking into her musings. “He might even be looking for us right now.”
She didn’t think so, but she knew an opportunity when she saw one. Sending the boy out to search for Pan would at least keep him from sitting around and driving her crazy with his babbling. “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you make a careful search of the burial grounds while I stay here and keep watch.”
Xac headed out with a wave and a smile, and it almost made her feel bad about what she was doing. Almost, but not quite enough to call him back. Who knew? Maybe he would find something. Maybe Pan had come out somewhere else besides the way he had gone in. They couldn’t be sure if no one looked, after all.
She watched him until he was out of sight, wondering briefly if he would be all right and almost immediately deciding that if anyone could be safe in the Ashenell it would be Xac Wen, and she resumed her position in front of the arch. No one had gone past them the entire time they were there, from yesterday afternoon until now. As far as she was able to tell, no one had even come into the Ashenell. She felt like she was the last person alive in the city. The sounds beyond the cemetery boundaries were muffled and indistinct; mostly there was only the silence and the rustle of the wind in the trees and the singing of the birds.
She felt newly discouraged. She wasn’t going to be able to keep this up much longer.
It didn’t matter what she hoped might happen if she stayed where she was, the end result was the same. She wasn’t doing anything and she knew she needed to, even if she didn’t know what it was. She just couldn’t continue to sit here like this.
She allowed herself a few minutes to pout and grumble in a whisper that didn’t reach beyond her own ears. She was entitled. Pan should have taken her with him. He shouldn’t have gone under that arch alone, leaving her behind. He knew how vulnerable he was if she wasn’t with him. She had made it clear enough.
Unless he hadn’t believed her. Unless he thought the King of the Silver River had lied to her or tricked her and she was being used in some secret way she didn’t understand.
The thought paralyzed her momentarily. Then she gave a mental shake of her head. She didn’t believe this; of course she didn’t. The problem was that no matter what she believed, Pan might believe the exact opposite. It was difficult to accept that he wouldn’t tell her so, but no one was acting or thinking in the usual ways since the protective wall had failed and the Drouj had appeared.
“Just look at me,” she whispered.
Have faith in yourself.
The voice was in her head, but all around her, too. She cast about in surprise, but not in fear. She recognized the voice.
Panterra Qu cannot come to you. You must go to him.
“But where am I supposed to go?” she demanded, coming to her feet, continuing to look for him in vain. The King of the Silver River was there, but invisible to her. “Tell me what to do!”
She sounded more desperate than she wanted to, but she couldn’t help herself.
Go where you are led, Prue Liss. Do what your heart tel s you.
“Who is going to lead me? Where will I be taken? What do you mean, ‘Do what my heart tells me?’ My heart isn’t telling me anything!”
The words exploded out of her as she wheeled this way and that, searching for the source of the voice.
“Tell me what to do!” she repeated, her voice becoming a scream.