“In the barn, attached to my solar glider Mark Two.”
Now Butler understood Artemis’s embarrassment. “In the barn where we set up the gym? Where you are supposed to be practicing your self-defense routines?”
“Yes. That barn.”
In spite of the situation, Butler felt disappointed. “You promised me, Artemis. You said that you needed privacy.”
“It’s so boring, Butler. I tried, really, but I don’t know how you do it. Forty-five minutes punching a leather bag.”
“So you worked on your solar plane instead of keeping your promise to me?”
“The cells were so efficient that there was juice left over, so in my spare time I designed a lightweight super-laser and built it from scratch.”
“Of course. Who doesn’t need a super-laser in the nose of their family plane?”
“Please, girls,” said Holly. “Let’s put the BFF fight on hold for later, okay? Artemis, how powerful is this laser?”
“Oh, about as powerful as a solar flare,” said Artemis. “At its most concentrated it should have enough force to put a hole in the gate, without injuring anyone on the grounds.”
“I really wish you had mentioned this before.”
“The laser is untested,” said Artemis. “I would never unleash this kind of power unless there was absolutely no alternative. And from what Myles told us, we have no other card to play.”
“And Juliet doesn’t know about this?” asked Holly.
“No, I kept it to myself.”
“Good. Then we might have a chance.”
Butler outfitted them all in camouflage gear from his locker, and even forced Artemis to endure the application of waxy stripes of black and olive makeup on his face.
“Is this really necessary?” asked Artemis, scowling.
“Completely,” said Butler, energetically applying the stick. “Of course, if you would stay here and allow me to go, then you and Myles could relax in your favorite loafers.”
Artemis put up with the dig, correctly assuming that Butler was still a little miffed about the super-laser deception.
“I must come along, Butler. This is a super-laser, not a point-and-shoot toy. An entire activation system is involved, and there is no time to teach you the sequence.”
Butler slung a heavy flak jacket over Artemis’s thin shoulders. “Okay. If you must go, then it’s my job to keep you safe. So, let’s make a deal: If you do not voice all the withering comments about the weight or uselessness of this jacket that are no doubt swirling in that big brain of yours, then I will not mention the super-laser episode again. Agreed?”
This jacket is really cutting into my shoulders, thought Artemis. And it’s so heavy that I could not outrun a slug.
But he said, “Agreed.”
Once Artemis’s security system assured them that their perimeter was clear, the group snuck in single file from the office, out of the kitchen, across the yard, and slipped into the alley between the stables.
There were no sentries, which Butler found strange. “I don’t see anything. Opal must know by now that we escaped her pirates.”
“She can’t afford to commit more troops,” whispered Holly. “The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.”
“That will be her undoing,” gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. “Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.”
“I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?” said Holly.
“That is different. And I thought we were on a mission.”
“True,” said Holly, then she turned to Butler. “This is your backyard, old friend.”
“That it is,” said Butler. “I’ll take point.”
They crossed the estate with cautious speed, wary of every living thing that crossed their path. Perhaps the Berserkers inhabited the very worms in the earth, or the oversized crickets that flourished on the Fowl grounds and sawed their wings in the moonlight, sounding like an orchestra of tiny carpenters.
“Don’t step on the crickets,” said Artemis. “Mother is fond of their song.”
The crickets, which had been nicknamed Jiminies by Dublin entomologists, were seen all year round only on the Fowl Estate, and they could grow to the size of mice. Artemis now guessed this was an effect of the magical radiation seeping through the earth. What he could not have guessed was that the magic had infected the crickets’ nervous systems with a degree of sympathy for the Berserkers. This did not manifest itself in bunches of crickets sitting in circles around miniature campfires telling stories of valiant elfin warriors, but in an aggression toward whatever threatened the Berserkers. Or, simply put: If Opal didn’t like you, then the crickets didn’t care for you much either.
Butler dropped his foot slowly toward a cluster of crickets, expecting them to move out of his path. They did not.
I should crush these little guys, he thought. I do not have time to play nice with insects.