Should you wish it, I can unmake everything that happened to you—all memories of this place, everything you have learned, as if the trials never happened. You can return to Winter with your friends, no different than you were before, an immortal, soul ess fey.
“Or, you can claim your soul and keep everything that comes with it—conscience, human weakness, mortality.” The Guardian finally moved, switching its staff to the other hand, preparing to disappear.
“Whatever your decision,” it continued, “when you leave this place, you will never return.
So choose wisely. I will return when you have decided which path you want to take.”
Choice.
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I drew in a slow breath, feeling the promise that bound me, that oath I had made to Meghan, dissolve. I’d kept my vow: I had found a way to return to her, to be at her side without fear. I was free.
And I had a choice.
I didn’t go back to my room, though I vaguely remembered where it was. Instead, I sought out the courtyard, found a stone bench beneath a withered tree, and watched the stars f loat through the End of the World.
Mortal or faery? Right now I was nothing, balanced on the edge of humanity and soul essness, neither human nor fey. I was so close to having a soul, to finishing my quest and being with Meghan. But if the future the Guardian had shown me was true…if I was destined to die, forgotten and alone, then was it worth that pain?
I didn’t have to go back to the Iron Realm. My vow had been fulfilled; I was free to do as I wished. There was no guarantee Meghan would be waiting for me to come back, no assurance she wanted me to come back. I could return to the Winter Court, with Ariel a. It could be as it was before….
If that was what I really wanted.
“Hey.” Ariel a’s soft voice broke through my musings, and she joined me on the bench, so close our shoulders were touching. “Puck told me about the last test, and the ceremony in the morning. I take it you haven’t come to a decision yet.” I shook my head, and her soft fingers brushed a curl from my forehead. “Why are you still agonizing, Ash?” she asked gently. “You’ve come so far. You know what you have to do.
This is what you wanted.”
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“I know.” I slumped forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “But, Ari, that last test…” Closing my eyes, I let the memories of another life wash over me. “I saw my future, with Meghan,” I said, opening my eyes to stare at my hands. “I became human and went back to the Iron Realm to be with her, just like I wanted. And, at first we were happy…I was happy. But then…” I trailed off, watching a blue comet soar lazily through the sky above. “She never changed,” I murmured at last. “She and my son, they never changed. And I…I couldn’t keep up with them.
I couldn’t protect her, couldn’t fight beside her. And in the end, I was alone.”
Ariel a was silent, watching me. I raked my hands through my hair with a sigh. “I want to be with them,” I admitted softly. “More than anything, I want to see them again. But, if that’s my future, if I can’t avoid what lies ahead…”
“You’re wrong,” Ariel a said, surprising me. I sat up, blinking at her, and she smiled. “That’s a future, Ash. Only one. Trust a seer on this.
Nothing is certain. The future is constantly changing, and no one can predict what will happen next. But let me ask you this. In this future, you said you had a son?”
I nodded, feeling a hollow ache in my chest at the thought of Kierran.
“Do you miss him?”
I let out a breath and nodded, slumping forward again. “It’s strange,” I murmured, feeling a lump rise to my throat. “He isn’t even real, and yet…I feel like he’s the one who died. His existence was an illusion, but I knew him. I remember everything about him. And Meghan.” The lump grew bigger, and I felt my eyes stinging, moisture crawling down my cheeks. I could see Kierran’s smile, feel Meghan’s breath against me as we slept. And though my head knew those memories were ill 338/387
usions, my heart violently rejected that thought. I knew them. Every part of them. I remembered their joys, their sorrows, their triumphs and hurts and fears. They were real to me.
“My family.” The admission was a mere whisper, and I covered my eyes with a hand. “Meghan, Keirran. I miss them… they were everything. I want them back.”
Ariel a put a hand on my shoulder, easing me close. “And even if that future came to pass,” she murmured in my ear, “would you want to miss it?
Would you change anything, knowing how it will end?” I pulled back to look at her, realization slowly dawning on me as we gazed at each other. “No,” I muttered, surprising myself. Because all the hurt, all the pain and loneliness and watching everyone leave me behind was overshadowed by the joy and pride I felt for Keirran, the deep contentment in Meghan’s arms, and the blinding, all-encom-passing love I had for my family.
And maybe, that was what being human was all about.