The Girl Who Dared to Think 7: The Girl Who Dared to Fight

“That sounds… pretty freaking amazing,” Quess finally declared, raking his hand through his hair. “I assume you’ve got a list of all the studies you plan to do, as well as an idea of where to look. We know the south is out, but what about the east or west… or even north!”

I laughed. His comments barely scratched the surface of what the council and I had thought up when I finally convinced them to just look at sites. We were only investigating to the west and east of the Tower, as we didn’t want to squish the Patrians and Matrians between the Tower and the colony. The site needed a well or lake that provided enough water for everyone, and the land needed to be fertile, for farming. We needed an area of at least fifty square miles to start, but we were to make sure that we were at least two hundred miles from the nearest human settlements, so as not to start a war or appear to be invading anyone else. The list of requirements went on and on, but I wasn’t bothered by them. Where anyone else might have seen restrictions, all I saw were possibilities.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” was all I said in reply. There was really no need for me to be cryptic, but I enjoyed yanking Quess’s chain, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

“What?” he exclaimed, rising to the bait—just as I knew he would. “C’mon, Liana, you can’t leave me hanging like this.”

“I absolutely can,” I replied with a wink. I started to add more, but paused when I saw Grey, Eric, and Zoe stepping through the door from the Tower, each of them carrying gear and supplies. I narrowed my eyes in irritation at the sight of my best friend hauling several bags on her shoulder. “And on that note, I need to go yell at a pregnant lady. Excuse me.”

Quess, Alex, and Dylan let me go without too much hassle, knowing I took my responsibilities as godmother very seriously, and I sped over to where my three friends were walking toward us. “You better put those bags down right now,” I ordered in a no-nonsense voice as soon as I was close enough.

“Pshaw,” Zoe said with a laugh. “I’m only three weeks pregnant. I can still carry things!”

“No, you cannot,” I said with a harrumph, drawing close enough to grab one of the bags she was carrying and throw it over my shoulder. I went for the others, but she quickly stepped out of reach, a teasing smile playing on her lips. “That’s my little godchild in there, and you are keeping him or her safe no matter what!” I said indignantly, after several failed attempts to catch her and take the bags. “That means no jumping, no eating fish, and definitely no carrying heavy bags of crap. It’s bad enough that you’re coming with us instead of staying here where the doctors can keep an eye on you, so I’m not tolerating any argument on this. The bags. Please.”

Zoe snorted and rolled her eyes, but stopped moving to hand the remaining bags over. “Liana, you’re worse than my mother, mother-in-law, and Eric combined! I’m fine. The baby is fine. And the Patrians have been having babies for centuries, so I’m sure they can handle all of my medical needs. But you better be damned sure I’m not missing out on this. It’s too historic for me not to go.”

I sighed heavily, as if giving in to her argument, but inside I was secretly pleased. When Zoe had told me she was pregnant, I was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to join us. Which sucked, not only because she was my best friend, but also because she was the lead Cog on the mission, and was going with us to work with the Patrian engineers on how to optimize their recycling systems, and to study their filtration devices. She’d been training for three months to go on this mission, and when she’d discovered she was pregnant, I’d been certain I was going to have to replace her.

But Zoe, being Zoe, had refused to allow it, much to my pleasure and relief. It didn’t mean I was taking her with us when we went to look for the colony, though. She’d be three months pregnant at that point, and we’d be roughing it, so she and Eric would be heading back with the others who chose to return to the Tower.

Not that I’d told her that yet. But I was certain Eric would back me up on that decision. He wasn’t happy about her going in the first place, so I was betting he’d be on board when I did eventually bring it up.

“I’m not sorry for being overprotective,” I told her, shouldering the bags and turning back to the others. “But I am sorry if it’s driving you crazy.”

She smiled at me, her eyes glistening with humor and love. “It is, but in the best possible way. Still… Grey, tell your woman to back off, or I’ll make her the epicenter of every one of my hormonally driven outbursts.”

Grey gave her an arch look. “If you think I have any control over what Liana Castell does, you have severely overestimated my power in this relationship.”

I gaped at him, appalled that he would insinuate that I was in charge of our relationship, but it quickly faded to good humor when I saw the teasing glint in his eyes. “Hey, you said you liked your women independent,” I replied tartly. “This is the price you pay.”

“Oh, get a room.” Zoe snorted, before grabbing Eric’s hand and marching past us. My cheeks flushed, but I knew her jab was well meant, and I appreciated her and Eric leaving. I’d been so busy the last month that I’d barely gotten to spend any time with Grey beyond climbing into bed next to him and passing out. The amount of planning and coordination that had gone into this had been massive, and the responsibilities had only grown the closer we had gotten to our departure date. As it was, I hadn’t returned to our quarters last night until almost four, and then had taken a shower and put on fresh clothes instead of trying to get any rest.

All the time apart was putting a definite strain on our relationship—when it had only just started to become comfortable again. When Leo left, we’d both had a hard time coping with it. I had lost someone I loved, and he had lost someone who understood him better than he understood himself. More than that, Leo’s personality had rubbed off on Grey in more ways than I could count—in his mannerisms and speech, right down to the gestures he made when he spoke. He was still Grey, but there was an undercurrent of Leo that was there, stamped all over him.

Which also made it hard. It was hard looking at him and not seeing Leo in everything that he did. Sometimes when he smiled, or looked surprised, my heart would break from the loss, and I would start to cry uncontrollably. It was like Leo had died, and even though I knew he hadn’t, he might as well have. I couldn’t be with him—not just because he was essentially with my AI clone, but because he had to stay in the Core forever. If I saw him again, I’d never be able to touch him, or kiss him, or have him hold me.

And since I had experienced those things when he had been in Grey’s body, Grey being there only served to remind me of what I had lost, which had made it so much harder. Not just for me, but for him as well. He had come to rely on Leo’s presence in so many innumerable ways, so being without him made Grey feel lost, and confused about his place in everything, making him insecure and uncertain. And my outbursts over another man didn’t help.

So we’d taken some time apart. He’d take any diplomacy work that came up that would keep him away for weeks at a time, and I buried myself in my work, trying to distract myself. I wasn’t sure how Grey fared during that time, but I hadn’t done well. I’d missed him almost instantly, and known that by pushing him away, I had probably lost him, too.

But I didn’t know what to do about it, and fell into a deep depression.