Amarinda didn’t answer for a very long time. Finally, she said, “You speak too boldly for a servant.”
I continued walking again. Amarinda caught up to me and said, “Is Jaron really alive? Whether the king’s family is living or dead, if Jaron is alive, he must be presented at court.”
I stopped in front of Amarinda’s door, still keeping my eyes on the floor. “Here’s your room, m’lady.”
“You told me you didn’t know where it was.”
And quickly realized what a stupid lie it had been. Rather than respond to her, I asked, “Is there anything else you need?”
“Do you wonder why I asked you to escort me, Sage?”
I shook my head and might have sighed a little too loudly. My back hurt from so much standing, I hadn’t eaten yet, and I was tired of pretending. Beyond that, I didn’t want to hear that a girl who’d have to marry me one day, if I was declared Prince Jaron, really loved the prince’s older brother.
“I asked you here because you spoke honestly to me before. If I’d entered that room with a face smeared in mud and asked another servant how I looked, he’d have bowed and told me I looked as beautiful as ever. When you’re in my position, Sage, you come to realize how few people you can trust.” She waited, expecting me to respond. When met with silence, she went on, “So I trust your opinion on my dilemma. Should I continue on to Drylliad, hoping Prince Darius will greet me there but knowing in my heart that something is wrong? Or shall I stay away, knowing that if there is no Darius, I am no longer a betrothed princess and have no place in Drylliad?”
This time I looked directly at her, although her eyes were so perceptive, I immediately looked away again. “You should go to the castle, Highness. You should always choose on the side of hope.”
“That’s good advice. I have less of a headache now than before, Sage. Thank you for that.” She smiled sadly. “Do you envy me, as a royal?”
I shook my head. The closer I got to the castle in Drylliad myself, the more I dreaded it.
“Many do. I’m glad you can appreciate your station in life as a servant. I’m a servant too, you know. Perhaps with finer clothes and servants of my own, but few choices about my life belong to me. We’re not so different, you and I.”
She was closer to the truth than she realized, but I held my tongue and stared at the ground.
“Will you not look at me?”
“No, my lady. If I cannot look at you as an equal, I will not look at all.”
She placed a hand on my cheek and softly kissed the other one, then whispered, “Remember this moment, then, Sage, when someone of my status offered a kindness to someone of yours. Because next time we meet, if Darius is dead, I will no longer be anyone of importance.”
Then she entered the room with her ladies in tow. Only after her door was shut did I look up again. Darius was dead, and very soon she and I would meet as equals. But I had the feeling it wouldn’t be a day she ended up celebrating.
Where are you going?” Mott asked as I began walking away. He was never far behind.
“To my room. My back hurts.”
“How will it look to everyone at dinner if the servant who left with Amarinda fails to return?”
“How will it look if that servant’s bandages bleed through and he drips blood on Conner’s dining table?”
“Come on,” Mott said with a sigh. “I’ll walk you to your room.”
“You don’t have to. I know the way.”
“Saving you from getting lost is not the reason I’m here. Tell me, what did you think of the betrothed princess?”
“I think she loves Darius.”
“There’s plenty of time for her to learn to love Jaron. Besides, this is the way of life for royals. They do their duty to their country, and if they are very lucky, it will sometimes bring them happiness.”
“I don’t want anyone to do their duty for me,” I grumbled. “A charade like that is not for her.”
“Conner is preparing you to wear a mask for the rest of your life,” Mott said. “It’s better that your queen pretends to love you, because if she truly did, she would only love a lie.”
That hardly made me feel better.
Errol was sitting on the bench just outside my bedroom door. He stood as he saw us coming. “Are you ill?” he asked me.
“Get me some dinner,” I growled, pushing past him to enter my room. “And no, I don’t need help dressing.”
Ironically, I did need help. My shoulders and back had stiffened over the past few hours of standing, and with every movement, I felt like my wounds might tear open again. When Errol returned with a tray of food several minutes later, he found me sitting on the floor with an unbuttoned shirt and vest.
Errol set the tray on Tobias’s desk, and then silently went to the wardrobe to gather my nightclothes. He was able to pull off my shirt without causing me too much pain and, without asking, checked my bandages. “Imogen is occupied at the dinner downstairs,” he said. “You must let me clean those wounds. They look hot.”
I leaned forward, which took less work than arguing. He soaked a towel in the alcohol and pressed it to my back. I arched it with the inevitable sting, then relaxed as it slowly passed.
“Every servant at Farthenwood knows Tobias cut you,” Errol murmured. “I’d be surprised if the master doesn’t hear of it soon.”
“The servants are mistaken. I was trying to climb out a window.”
“We hear things, Sage. More than anyone knows.”
“Then you obviously know why Roden and Tobias and I are here. Are Conner’s servants loyal to him, to this plan?”
“Shortly after you came, Conner impressed upon us the sacred nature of what he’s doing, how important it is to Carthya. To be sure, he threatened us dearly if word of his plan leaks outside Farthenwood. But he shouldn’t worry, nor should you. This is a secret we will all carry to our graves. If you are chosen as prince, I will treat you just as I would a true royal.”
With that, he finished bandaging me up. He pulled my nightclothes on and even fastened them in front, which I was more than capable of doing.
When he stood to leave, I said, “Thanks for helping tonight, Errol. Thanks for helping every night. I know I’m difficult.”
“I’ll take that as an apology, sir. Your dinner is on the desk there. Good night.”
I was in bed when Roden and Tobias came into the room. Tobias entered more quietly than usual and lay down on his bed indifferently. Roden crossed over to me and said, “Conner was furious that you didn’t return to the dining room tonight. I heard him ask Mott to come get you right now.”
I groaned. “How can he expect us to see ourselves as royalty when he treats us as slaves?”
Errol entered the room and began rummaging through my drawers. “I’m sorry, Sage, but it’s true. Conner has asked to see you. Mott is waiting outside to take you to see him.”
I winced as I rolled out of bed. Errol held up clothes for me, but I shook my head. “If he asks for me at night, he’ll find me in nightclothes.”
“It’s inappropriate,” Errol said.
“And it’s indecent of him to summon me when he knows I’m asleep!”
I opened the door to leave, but Mott blocked the doorway and shook his head at me. “I won’t bring you to the master like that. Allow Errol to dress you, or I’ll do it.”
I shut the door in his face and held out my arms to Errol, who hurried forward, clothes in hand. Minutes later, Mott was walking me, fully dressed, down to Conner’s office.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked.
“That depends on your answers to his questions.”
Conner was in the middle of writing something when we entered his office. Mott directed me to stand in front of his desk, but I sat. A minute or two passed before Conner even acknowledged I was there. Finally, he set the quill down and looked up at me.
“What did you think of her?”
“The princess?” I shrugged. “She’s beautiful. I’d heard the betrothed princess was more horse than woman.”