Standing next to me is a man dressed as a police officer, and he puts his hands on my shoulders and whispers in my ear, “They bite.”
I wake with a jolt, nearly falling out of bed. I can hear muffled voices from Boo Boo’s room.
I put my ear to the wall but I can’t make any words out. I get out of bed and step onto the landing where Guardian is sleeping peacefully. I open the door to Boo Boo’s room and she is sitting upright in bed. But there is no one else there.
“Are you alright, Boo Boo? I heard voices.”
She looks at me curiously. “I had bad dream.” She pulls the covers over her head. The frog puppet is sitting on her pillow staring at me.
Mr Loveheart dreams
I lay in a star shape on my giant red four-poster bed, dotted with hearts and big squidgy heart-shaped cushions. I have decided I will get up at lunch time and eat some jam sandwiches.
I snooze, roll over and blot out the slither of sunlight that sizzles through the curtains.
Close my eyes, squeeze them shut. Imagine spaces within spaces. Labyrinths within labyrinths. You go mad inside them. Retrace old footsteps, walk backwards, become part of the hedge. Part of the pattern.
I wink an eye open. See a fat fairy with black wings zoom across the room, hover over my head. She has razor teeth and wings of ebony glitter.
“Oh, hello,” I say into the pillow.
She zooms up to my ear, whispers into it. “I have come to inform you of your Gifts as Lord of the Underworld.”
“Excellent, shall we have some jam first.”
She slaps me across my cheek and squeaks, “NO, you shall listen to me.” Oh, she is rather strict.
She hovers close to my earhole, “Whoever you kiss will live forever and if you kiss the dead they will come back to life.”
“Now that is curious.”
She continues, this time whispering very low, “You have the gift of madness. You can turn others insane; make their mind turn upside down. The Underworld is also now at your command, my lord.”
“That is rather splendid.”
Squeak!
Meeting Grandpa Grubweed
Breakfast is enormous, consisting of bacon, eggs, crumpets and honey. It is eight o’clock and I sit in the kitchen with the Reverend Plum, as no one else is out of bed yet. Mrs Treacle, the Cook, pours the tea. She has a kind moon face and gives me a wink.
“Thank you for finding my sister and me a home,” I say to Reverend Plum.
“You are very welcome, Pedrock.” He butters a crumpet. “I shall be visiting every few weeks to see how you’re both doing.”
“Are you feeling better this morning?” I enquire.
“Yes, the sleep did me good, although I had the most curious dream.”
“Please tell me what it was.”
“It was about your sister. She was digging up dead bodies in the garden. Dreams are, of course, caused from lapses of ill health. I believe my intestines have a fungal infection causing me to hallucinate.”
Mrs Treacle leans over. “Mr Grubweed wants you to pop upstairs after breakfast and see Grandpa,” and she gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’m making rabbit pie for dinner tonight, and trifle for pudding. Don’t worry, Reverend, I’ve a lunch packed for you for the train. Plenty of ham and cheese sandwiches, and a slab of leftover apple pie.”
“Thank you, Mrs Treacle. I look forward to eating them.”
After eating far too many crumpets and saying farewell to Reverend Plum, I ascend the staircase and enter Grandpa’s room. I find him sitting in an armchair with Boo Boo and Guardian at his feet. He is blind, his eyes white as eggs. He wears a strange Indian green dressing gown and is bald, with a wispy white beard.
“You must be Pedrock.” His voice is cool and soothing.
“Yes, sir.” I sit by his feet with my sister.
“I was just telling your sister that she’s got a friend for life in Guardian. He’s an old soppy bugger of a dog and very picky about whom he chooses.”
Boo Boo tickles Guardian’s nose.
“Now children. You have an adventure ahead of you today. I want you to visit all your neighbours – Mrs Charm, Lady Beetle, the Vicar Mr Wormhole, Mr Loveheart and the Professor. You are to introduce yourselves. And then you can tell me what you think of them,” he chuckles. “And tonight my son-in-law informs me that we have a special guest coming for dinner. His name is Icarus Hookeye, he’s a friend of the Professor. Isn’t that exciting! Now, off you go and have some fun. And Pedrock…”
“Yes, sir?’’
“I shall arrange for you to take my boat out. Would you like that?”
“Yes, sir, very much, thank you.”
And we leave him dozing off in his chair and begin the lakeside trudge into the village. Mrs Treacle has made Boo Boo a bacon sandwich and one for Guardian, the smell enchanting the air like a wicked spell.
The path to the village trickles round the edge of the lake which is flat and calm with mottled feathered ducks floating aimlessly on its surface. Butterflies with fairy-glamour wings of cotton white and fizzy pink hang in the air, skimming over the toady water-reeds and lumpish rocks.