The Burning Maze (The Trials of Apollo #3)

I waved politely. I’d never met an Argentinian cactus before, but I had a soft spot for Buenos Aires. You haven’t really tangoed until you’ve tangoed with a Greek god at La Ventana.

Grover continued, ‘I don’t think that exit from the maze has ever been there before. It’s sealed now. I think the Labyrinth was helping us, bringing us home.’

‘Helping us?’ Prickly Pear looked up from her cheese enchiladas. ‘The same Labyrinth harbouring fires that are destroying the whole state? The same Labyrinth we’ve been exploring for months, trying to find the source of those fires with no luck? The same Labyrinth that’s swallowed a dozen of our search parties? What does it look like when the Labyrinth isn’t helping us?’

The other dryads grumbled in agreement. Some bristled, literally.

Grover raised his hands for calm. ‘I know we’re all worried and frustrated. But the Burning Maze isn’t the entire Labyrinth. And at least now we have some idea why the emperor set it up the way he did. It’s because of Apollo.’

Dozens of cactus spirits turned to stare at me.

‘Just to clarify,’ I said in a small voice, ‘it’s not my fault. Tell them, Grover. Tell your very nice … very spiny friends it isn’t my fault.’

Coach Hedge grunted. ‘Well, it kind of is. Macro said the maze was a trap for you. Probably because of the Oracle thingy you’re looking for.’

Mellie’s gaze ping-ponged between her husband and me. ‘Macro? Oracle thingy?’

I explained how Zeus had me travelling around the country, freeing ancient Oracles as part of my penance, because that’s just the sort of horrible father he was.

Hedge then recounted our fun shopping expedition to Macro’s Military Madness. When he got sidetracked talking about the various types of land mines he’d found, Grover intervened.

‘So we exploded Macro,’ Grover summed up, ‘who was a Roman follower of this emperor. And he mentioned some kind of sorceress who wants to … I dunno, do some evil magic on Apollo, I guess. And she’s helping the emperor. And we think they put the next Oracle –’

‘The Sibyl of Erythraea,’ I said.

‘Right,’ Grover agreed. ‘We think they put her at the centre of the maze as some sort of bait for Apollo. Also, there’s a talking horse.’

Mellie’s face clouded over, which was unsurprising since she was a cloud. ‘All horses talk.’

Grover explained what we’d heard in the dumpster. Then he backed up and explained why we’d been in a dumpster. Then he explained how I’d wet myself and that was why I was wearing hot-pink camo pants.

‘Ohhh.’ All the dryads nodded, as if this was the real question that had been bothering them.

‘Can we get back to the problem at hand?’ I pleaded. ‘We have a common cause! You want the fires stopped. I have a quest to free the Erythraean Sibyl. Both those things require us to find the heart of the maze. That’s where we’ll find the source of the flames and the Sibyl. I just – I know it.’

Meg studied me intently, as if trying to decide what embarrassing order she should give me: Jump in the pool? Hug Prickly Pear? Find a shirt that matches your camo pants?

‘Tell me about the horse,’ she said.

Order received. I had no choice. ‘His name is Incitatus.’

‘And he talks,’ Meg said. ‘Like, in a way humans can understand.’

‘Yes, though normally he only speaks to the emperor. Don’t ask me how he talks. Or where he came from. I don’t know. He’s a magical horse. The emperor trusts him, probably more than he trusts anyone. Back when the emperor ruled Ancient Rome, he dressed Incitatus in senatorial purple, even tried to make him a consul. People thought the emperor was crazy, but he was never crazy.’

Meg leaned over the pool, hunching her shoulders as if withdrawing into her mental shell. With Meg, emperors were always a touchy subject. Raised in Nero’s household (though the terms abused and gaslighted were more accurate), she’d betrayed me to Nero at Camp Half-Blood before returning to me in Indianapolis – a subject we’d skirted without really addressing it for a while. I did not blame the poor girl. Truly. But getting her to trust my friendship, to trust anyone after her stepfather, Nero, was like training a wild squirrel to eat out of one’s hand. Any loud noise was liable to cause her to flee, or bite, or both.

(I realize that’s not a fair comparison. Meg bites much harder than a wild squirrel.)

Finally, she said, ‘That line from the prophecy: The master of the swift white horse.’

I nodded. ‘Incitatus belongs to the emperor. Or perhaps belong isn’t the right word. Incitatus is the right-hand horse to the man who now claims the western United States – Gaius Julius Caesar Germanicus.’

This was the dryads’ cue for a collective gasp of horror, and perhaps some ominous background music. Instead, blank faces greeted me. The only ominous background sound was Baby Chuck chewing the styrofoam lid of his father’s #3 dinner especial.

‘This Gaius person,’ said Meg. ‘Is he famous?’

I stared at the dark waters of the pool. I almost wished Meg would order me to jump in and drown. Or force me to wear a shirt that matched my hot-pink camo pants. Either punishment would have been easier than answering her question.

‘The emperor is better known by his childhood nickname,’ I said. ‘Which he despises, by the way. History remembers him as Caligula.’





10


Cute kid you got there

With the itty-bitty boots

And murderous grin





Do you know the name Caligula, dear reader?

If not, consider yourself lucky.

All around the Cistern, cactus dryads puffed out their spikes. Mellie’s lower half dissolved into mist. Even Baby Chuck coughed up a piece of styrofoam.

‘Caligula?’ Coach Hedge’s eye twitched the same way it had when Mellie threatened to take away his ninja weapons. ‘Are you sure?’

I wished I wasn’t. I wished I could announce that the third emperor was kindly old Marcus Aurelius or noble Hadrian, or bumbling Claudius.

But Caligula …

Even for those who knew little about him, the name Caligula conjured the darkest, most depraved images. His reign was bloodier and more infamous than Nero’s, who had grown up in awe of his wicked great-uncle Gaius Julius Caesar Germanicus.

Caligula: a byword for murder, torture, madness, excess. Caligula: the villainous tyrant against whom all other villainous tyrants were measured. Caligula: who had a worse branding problem than the Edsel, the Hindenburg and the Chicago Black Sox put together.

Grover shuddered. ‘I’ve always hated that name. What does it mean, anyway? Satyr Killer? Blood Drinker?’

‘Booties,’ I said.

Joshua’s shaggy olive hair stood straight up, which Meg seemed to find fascinating.

‘Booties?’ Joshua glanced around the Cistern, perhaps wondering if he’d missed the joke. No one was laughing.

‘Yes.’ I could still remember how cute little Caligula had looked in his miniature legionnaire’s outfit when he accompanied his father, Germanicus, on military campaigns. Why were sociopaths always so adorable as children?

‘His father’s soldiers gave Caligula the nickname when he was a child,’ I said. ‘He wore teeny-weeny legionnaire’s boots, caligae, and they thought that was hysterical. So they called him Caligula – Little Boots, or Baby Shoes, or Booties. Pick your translation.’

Prickly Pear stabbed her fork into her enchiladas. ‘I don’t care if the guy’s name is Snookums McCuddleFace. How do we beat him and get our lives back to normal?’

The other cacti grumbled and nodded. I was starting to suspect that prickly pears were the natural agitators of the cactus world. Get enough of them together, and they would start a revolution and overthrow the animal kingdom.

‘We have to be careful,’ I warned. ‘Caligula is a master at trapping his enemies. The old saying Give them enough rope to hang themselves? That was made for Caligula. He delights in his reputation as a madman, but it’s just a cover. He’s quite sane. He’s also completely amoral, even worse than –’