In the morning, Marian left the cabin to carry coffee to the men. I slipped outside as well and pulled the door shut behind me. I wanted to breathe some cold air.
A few minutes later, I moved to head inside again but stopped when Phineas called me. He stood near the barn. I trudged across the yard.
Hollow cheeks, heavy eyes: he obviously hadn’t slept well, either. He nodded absently at my greeting. “My sister said I’m to stay with the brothers.”
“Just for a night.”
He palmed his unshaven jaw. His hand fell to his shoulder. He gripped it and gave the cabin a melancholy glance. “She doesn’t want me around.”
I knew by she he didn’t mean Marian. “Oh, Phin…” I sighed. “She needs you.” His music and charm and laughter. “She’ll need all of her friends.” Now more than ever.
He tried to smile. “Thanks, Freddy.”
I squeezed his arm and turned.
An hour later, Daniel and I left for my brother’s homestead. Behind us, in Phineas and Marian’s cabin, Rachel was finally asleep. Marian hadn’t discussed my plan with her brother yet, but she didn’t need me there to do that. Gid had already gone south to see to Linton’s burial, then head to the Holland Land Company with the hope that the record on the Linton property might have contact information. The family had to be informed of the man’s death.
I was glad for my brother’s absence. I needed to talk to Daniel alone, and since clouds had gathered in the sky for a repeat performance of yesterday’s weather, we did so in Gid’s cabin, as soon as we finished the morning chores.
When I reached the end of what I had to say, Daniel nodded. He was sitting beside me on the floor, cross-legged, elbows braced on his thighs, hands folded, head down. “I knew we wouldn’t leave. Not with all this upheaval.” He looked up, his eyes sad. “But I guess I didn’t expect one of us to go and one of us to stay.”
“It’s not forever. Only until wintertime.” I said this cajolingly, reassuring myself as much as him.
“That’s more than half a year.” He gazed at me glumly for a moment. “Are you sure this is for the best?”
I nodded.
Ed Welds needed to return to Middleton. Robert Welds maybe less so. But neither could remain in the Genesee Valley, not in the way they’d been living, practicing too little farming and dousing their insides with too much liquor. If they went home to straighten themselves out, they’d leave behind a small, serviceable cabin. “Rachel can keep her cousins’ place while they’re away,” I said. “She needs time to herself.” Desperately. “There’s no way she can get that if she continues on with Phin, Marian, and the children. And I can help Rachel, staying with her if that’s what she wants me to do.” I wrung my hands, hoping she would want that, for safety’s sake. I didn’t like the idea of her living alone. “Or staying with Gid but visiting her daily, making myself useful. Being a friend.” A better one than I’d been in the past.
He smiled a little. “As Harriet or Freddy?”
I shrugged. “As myself.” Those two, they didn’t seem like different identities now. They were both me, just a person struggling to figure out what to do, what to be. I was only beginning to realize the answers.
Yes, Rachel needed time. But perhaps I needed some more, too.
“And tomorrow I get to escort Robert and Ed back to Middleton.”
“Because they’ll likely kill themselves, trying that journey on their own.” I was only half joking. It was a wonder the brothers had made it here alive in the first place. “Of course, they have to agree to the plan. But I think they will. They owe Rachel. Plus, they’re not happy. Back home, they can trade their labor for earnings and restore their squandered savings, all while basking in the doting affection of their mama.” I took Daniel’s hands, trying to keep my voice light when a telltale quiver kept sneaking in, trying to do this right thing when much of me desired a different course of action. “And you can correct all the errors your cousin made while he tried to run the farm in your absence.” Daniel had been gone for such a long time already. It was impossible for him to linger in these parts for another handful of months. He had too many responsibilities back home.
He squeezed my hands and said gruffly, “I’ll whittle away the lonely nights, making you a wedding present. A cedar-lined chest would be nice.”
“Carved with my initials?”
“If I can fit them all.”
My laugh tripped on a sob. I stared through a sheen of tears at our clasped hands. “Then come back for me, please, right after banking-up season, as soon as the snow begins to fall.”
“Bringing the Welds brothers with me?” He sounded less than thrilled at the prospect.
“Ed is probably better off staying in the bosom of his family. Maybe just Robert.”
“And where will Rachel go then?”
“I don’t know. I’d love to convince her to return to Middleton with us, but she might want to stay here. She could easily earn money with her needle and spinning. As people pour into this valley, roads will improve, mills will multiply, farms will start turning a profit, and opportunities will grow, particularly for domestic services. More men than womenfolk will settle here at first. Rachel won’t have trouble finding work.” Then, wistfully: “She might even save enough to lay a stake.”
He sighed but didn’t comment. The Holland Land Company wouldn’t let a woman purchase a parcel. He knew that as well as I did.
But why not? Why in God’s name not? I gave my head a shake.
“I bet Phineas would sell her a portion of his property.”
I glanced up, startled. “You’re right. He owns hundreds of acres he hasn’t even touched.”
Daniel nodded. “He’s been improving Marian’s land.”
I pondered this possibility. Rachel could handle her own homestead. She could do whatever she wanted. She wasn’t poor Rachel in my mind, not anymore. Not with the way she faced adversity. She’d survived more obstacles than anyone I knew.
“Or the three of us”—he cleared his throat—“we’ll all head back to Middleton together.”
I smiled. He was a good man. “I’ll miss you, Daniel.”
He tugged me nearer. “How much?”
“Terribly.” I wrapped my arms around him, relishing his strength. I wiggled closer to relish it better.
We stayed in that tight embrace for a long time. I wanted to prolong it for hours, for days.
But with a sigh, I pulled away. On impulse, I ran my finger along his chest, starting with an L, then an O …
“Are you initialing me, Harriet?” he teased.
I finished the word. “Yes.” For I was that word, too: not just a Freddy or a Harriet, but what I carried in my heart. What I felt for this man.
“Good. That makes me yours.”
“Then don’t get lost or stolen.” I kissed him. “And I will reclaim you soon.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS