I was trying to ignore the feeling of déjà vu as I stood on the patio with Aki standing next to me, but it was hard to shake off. My heart was pounding fast and I tried to disguise my growing nervousness: a combination of present nerves and also of Storm’s past feelings. She had stood here in this exact spot, alive and enjoying time with her Aki. Now I was in her place, but instead of enjoying the moment, I was incredibly sad.
I was depressed that she had to die. The vacation in my memories was the last she ever had. But I was here, with the men that still had a part of them that loved and missed her. I wasn't jealous or envious that they would always love her, but would I ever be able to move forward from this? Or would I have to continue to battle between her feelings and my own?
I cared about Aki and the others, but was it too early for me to say I loved them? With Storm's added feelings, my confusion was only heightened because that part of me loved them so strongly and my body was responding to that craving for affection.
I wanted to try and figure out an excuse to get a moment alone, so I could take care of my throbbing pussy that was burning with need. The hot chocolate was the only distraction that helped me focus.
"Crimson?" Aki spoke up, but I remained silent.
I couldn't think straight and for a split second, I felt like the scenery had changed. Back and forth, from the chilly cool night that I knew we were experiencing to a light chill from the past.
"Storm?"
I turned my head to see Aki's green eyes filled with worry. I swallowed the lump in my throat and my eyes trailed down his neck to his chest, then down the thin white robe he wore to cover what I hoped was his otherwise naked body that I craved to touch and kiss.
I wanted to hear him groan and sigh at my kisses and relish the way my mouth worked on his cock in an effort to please him. I needed to feel his lips devour mine and his hands roam along my curves. I wanted to be held in his arms and wrapped in the warmth of his tails as we made slow, passionate love.
Aki's hand brushed against my cheek and I forgot to breathe as I stared into his eyes; the once worried expression shifted to a blank stare.
"Crimson or Storm?" Aki asked urgently.
I swallowed and bit my lips. "Storm," I whispered, not knowing how he would react.
He nodded and didn't budge other than his thumb gently stroking my cheek as if to remind me to try and think straight.
"Take a few breaths," he instructed, but I shook my head.
"I...don't want to leave," I confessed. My essence was in full control and I wanted to take comfort in Aki's touch one last time. He gave me a sad smile and shook his head slowly.
"Storm, I can't," Aki whispered with a ragged breath.
I could hear the hurt in his voice and it only made my heart ache with sadness at his rejection. "But I'm here. It may not be permanent and not my physical body, but I'm living in this moment. Won't you do this for me?" I tried to convince him, needing this so badly.
The essence deep within me that was Crimson understood my struggle. I was dead. My soul was floating in darkness and I would never be able to move on unless my murder was solved and my pocket watch was complete again.
Most importantly, I couldn't leave my men in this world unless I knew they were happy. They deserved every bit of joy in their lives, and though my dead spirit trusted in Crimson, in this minute of control I wished I could still give them some of that comfort and pleasure.
He closed his eyes and a part of me rejoiced in the hope he'd agree to my little request, but another part was sad and felt horrible for doing this. Aki opened his eyes and shook his head.
"I can't, Storm."
"But..." I trailed off, seeing the conviction in his eyes, knowing he’d made up his mind. "You love me, don't you?" If he loved me, he would kiss me like he used to and hold me in his arms like I was his everything.
"Storm, I did love you. You were our world and every day I regret not stopping you that night. But I have to move on," Aki whispered.
"You don't have to move on yet. My magic is still within Crimson. I can't guarantee that you'll see me again after this, though. Can't you kiss me one last time?" I begged.
It felt foolish for me to plead for his affection, rather than try to remember what had happened to me. Even with the triggered memories that blossomed on the familiar patio with one of the men I loved, I couldn't help them find who took me away from them.
My essence was the only thing left in this world and even its power was miniscule compared to what Crimson had within. It would be only a matter of time until my watch was restored and then I'd be no more. But I wanted something to hold onto and I wished so badly to feel his lips once more.
"Storm, I've moved on. I can't keep living in the past. Crimson deserves better than that. She's our new light and even if for a few moments you’re in control, that would be like cheating to do that. I can't hurt her like that. I won't lower myself to that level, even for you. I loved you so much, but that was the past. Crimson's my future."
I slowly nodded and I felt my essence fade until I was back to the little section within Crimson. He was right and I knew it. Even though I felt a hint of betrayal, I knew my time with my lovers had expired with my death.
I closed my eyes and in a flash, I felt like myself again, but that left me somehow even more confused and turned on than before. I opened my eyes to see Aki staring at me.
He sighed heavily. "Crimson?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes, it’s me. I…lost control didn't I?" I questioned, trying to focus on anything but my arousal.
"You did. Storm's essence must have reacted because of her memories of this cabin. I didn't know it would have an effect on you. I'm sorry." Aki bowed his head in apology.
"You don't need to apologize. It's not like we've dealt with this before...but, I do have a question."
"What is it?"
"Why didn't you kiss her...well, me? I get you've moved on, but what if that was truly the last time her magic took control of me? That could have been your final shot to kiss the woman you dedicated years to. Sure, it wouldn't be a direct kiss on her body or soul, but..." I trailed off, unsure how it all worked.
It sounded strange that I was even questioning his actions, but I couldn't believe he declined her request. Storm wasn't like James where the relationship ended on a bad note. She'd loved them with everything she had and died because of it.
Aki took a step forward and our bodies pressed together which wasn't helping my other issue. He tilted my chin up so I looked directly into those green eyes of his.
"I promised to dedicate myself to you, Crimson. Not Storm. The best friend and woman I loved died and her magic can’t replace that void. But with each passing day that I get to spend even ten minutes with you, that void begins to close and is filled with my love for you. Little by little my broken heart is healing and the idea of kissing Storm using your body just felt wrong. My love for you is absolute and no magic will break my morals," Aki vowed.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out. I'd left a relationship with a man who couldn't even hold my hand after more than four years of dating, and entered a relationship with a man who was willing to ignore whatever plea Storm's magic had decided to test him with for the sake of his love.
Regardless of whether it was a test or not, his words made me so happy, I didn't know what I should do, but decided to let my body have what it wanted. I lifted my hands and pressed gently on the soft fuzzy fabric of his robe, gliding them upward until I could wrap my arms around his neck.
I listened as his breathing hitched and his eyes dilated with desire. Seeing him be so affected by my deliberately slow movements excited me. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his, delivering a firm kiss.