Doctor Cherrytree looked a little taken aback by this remark, and then smirked, “I want you to leave, detective. And take that stupid constable with you.”
“I’m not leaving and my constable is certainly not stupid. He has an appreciation of the arts. Although I am beginning to wonder if this really is an art exhibition.”
Then he pushed me. I was surprised at how strong he was and I felt myself falling over the balcony. I grabbed at the rail but he shoved me over. I caught sight of his expression: he was manic, his teeth gritted. I grabbed hold of his neck and pulled him with me.
It was a long drop. As I was falling I could see the painting of Lady Clarence, the smug goddess waiting to hear my neck break. I could see Mr Loveheart in the crowd, he was behind Elijah.
We fell to the floor with a thud. We had landed on top of Elijah with a horrible crunching sound. There was a scream from Lady Clarence. I was in pain. Constable Walnut was helping me up. Doctor Cherrytree was crawling off towards the other side of the room. Elijah lay still, his neck twisted, his eyes blank. He looked like a squashed blackbird.
“Constable Walnut,” I shouted. “Arrest Doctor Cherrytree for attempted murder!”
“Yes, sir,” said Walnut, and leapt on the doctor who was hobbling off into the side room. Walnut had hold off him and dragged him to his feet. “Come here you slippery bugger!”
I could see Mr Loveheart helping himself to the trifle, an especially large portion, and looking very pleased with himself.
Inspector Salt
It was ten o’clock at night by the time we had stuffed the dubious Doctor Cherrytree in a cell. I had been nursing my sore arm, and Constable Walnut brought me in a cup of tea and a sticky bun. All was well with the world. Constable Walnut sat down to join me.
“That was quite an evening, sir.”
“What did you think of the exhibition?” I said, sinking my teeth into the bun.
“I’m more of an Expressionist, sir. Distorted for emotional effect.”
There was a knock at the door and Inspector Salt entered. Constable Walnut and I rose from our chairs.
“Inspector,” I said. He was a tall, thin man with snow-white hair and watery eyes.
“I need a word with you, sergeant. Constable, you can stay put. You need to release Doctor Cherrytree immediately.”
“He tried to kill me!” I said, outraged.
“I have spoken to him, and he says it was an accident and you fell, and there are twenty witnesses who say the same thing.”
“It wasn’t an accident, sir,” said Constable Walnut.
“Did you actually witness Doctor Cherrytree push Sergeant White?”
“No, sir, but–”
“Well then. It was an accident. A tragic one.”
“Inspector Salt, I have been a detective for Scotland Yard for twenty years and I am not a liar.”
“The witnesses say otherwise. You lost your footing and fell. Take a few days off.” And at that he produced a pocket watch and clicked it open. It shimmered with weird light. I felt giddy. I felt sick.
“You’re… one of them,” I said. Constable Walnut looked worried. He had seen the watch and worked it out.
Inspector Salt clicked the time mechanism shut and eyed me coolly. “Like I said. Take a few days off. And we’ll say no more about this.” He was as cool as an iceberg. My world was collapsing. He left, the door shutting behind him.
I looked to Constable Walnut, “What can we do?”
Walnut replied, selecting another sticky bun. “We could always ask your Mr Loveheart.”
VII: Detective Sergeant White Visits Mr Loveheart
I returned to the home of Mr Loveheart. I really had no other place to go. My arm was bandaged in a sling, much like my career – wounded. He stood in the garden in front of the house, waiting for me, waving, wearing a bright yellow waistcoat with buttercups in his hair and a lopsided grin. I wondered if I should slip off home, unnoticed.
“Good morning, detective. How’s your arm?”
“Sore.” I edged closer to him cautiously.
“Will you be attending the funeral of the man you squashed?”
“No,” I sighed. “I have a feeling you pushed Elijah to break my fall.”
“Of course. Only happy to help.”
“Then help me again. I don’t know what to do now.”
“Mmmmm,” hummed Loveheart, and put his finger to his chin, playing with me. “What do you want to happen?”
“I want all those monsters stopped. I want Lady Clarence and her group punished. But the law can’t do it. The law is powerless. I can’t do my job. Even my inspector is involved with them.”
“Do you want me to get rid of them for you, detective? Are you asking me to murder them for you?”
“I don’t know what I’m asking. I need advice. I need some options.”
“Your options are limited to say the least. Nasty bunch, that lot. Very unsavoury,” he said, glittering like tinfoil.