“Are you aware you killed that little redheaded girl yesterday? Your lightning struck her right after you took out her new master.” She looks closely at me and waits for my reaction.
It’s swift in coming. Grief. Horror. Shock waves rock through me and knock the air from my chest so strong, I feel like I’m gasping and climbing and drowning all at once. My fists clench beside me. No. It’s not true. It can’t be.
But I know it is.
I’ve murdered a child.
Anger burns my throat. I swallow, striving for composure while hating the fact that even now, in the midst of ruining a little girl’s life, I am selfish. I won’t let the new master see my weakness. The little girl deserves my grief, my sorrow, my apology, but I’ll do it alone. In private. Every day for the rest of my life.
From Adora’s serious expression, she already knows it.
She turns back to the window.
“It must be painful living with a curse like that.”
I can’t see her face so I don’t know if she’s truly sorry or if the pity in her voice is invented. It doesn’t matter. I want to get out of here. I want to run to my home that no longer exists among the snow. To say sorry to my dead mum and dad, and to find my way into Litchfell Forest where the bolcranes can have at me. “Here, monsters,” I’d say. “I kill innocent kids outright. Eat me.”
“The war is getting worse, Nym.”
I look up. What? What does that have to do with the little girl?
“Bron’s attacks are increasing, and we’re losing men faster than we can handle. We keep up a good rally for our Faelen people, but our island kingdom’s on the brink of destruction.”
I stare at the back of her head. The kingdoms of Bron and Faelen have been at war for a hundred years, and it’s well-known that Bron’s attacks have recently become brutal. But why is she talking to me about this?
She spins around to face me. “Faelen has a matter of months before Bron takes over. Maybe less. Our king, Sedric, is coming to the party this evening to meet with those of us on his High Council, and when he gets here, by Faelen duty, I’m required to inform him of you. Of what you are. And of what you’ve done to one of his sweet child citizens. Which, as you’re well aware, the law for both is death.”
Her eyes suddenly soften and that hint of a mentally unstable smile comes through. “However, what if I told you there’s a way you could atone for what you are?”
I narrow my gaze. “There’s no such thing as atonement.”
“Of course, you can never make up for the atrocities you’ve done. You’ll have to live with the guilty horror for the rest of your life. But what if there was a way you could actually live with yourself, by spending your life making up for it?”
Right. “How?”
“As a fourth-generation High Council member, I’m King Sedric’s most trusted advisor when it comes to war. I understand it, just as my father and his father did, and I understand what winning entails.”
She pauses for dramatic effect before she steps toward me. “Your curse, Nym. If trained and controlled under the right conditions, you could become Faelen’s greatest weapon in the war.”
I cringe at her word weapon. It’s synonymous with death. Perhaps she notices because she rephrases. “You’d be our greatest defense. Not a weapon used for harm, but for protecting your people, Nym. People whom, thus far, you’ve only managed to ruin and destroy.” Her voice takes on a seductive tone. “What if you could help save those people?”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t believe her, nor do I believe that what she’s saying is possible. But something inside of me cracks open without my permission. In that place covering the shameful hole where my soul exists.
I ignore it. “My curse can’t be controlled.”
“I have a trainer here. He’s the best in the five kingdoms.” Adora’s eyelashes bat for the briefest second and I wonder if she’s referring to the man still outside the window, who’s now jousting with the bald guy. Her gaze follows my eyes and her expression turns stern. “You’d be surprised what he can do.”
The tiniest ray of light slips through the internal fissure. A sputter of hope.
Hope I can’t afford to bear. I shake my head. “I would kill him too.”