“Do you know what love is, my openhearted son? It’s being willing to place the needs and dreams and happiness of the ones you love ahead of your own. It’s the reason a mother will take bread from her own mouth and starve rather than let her child go hungry.”
As if you ever went hungry for anyone, I thought, watching my aunt closely. Why can’t I look at you without thinking of a snake slowly coiling itself into a deadly ring just before it strikes? Oh, Amenophis, she’s your mother and I know you do love her, but still—be on your guard!
“I understand, Mother,” he said. “And I’m glad you said that, because it means you will understand why Nefertiti and I want to—”
“And you, child?” Aunt Tiye turned sharply to me, cutting off her son’s words as brutally as if she had a naked sword in her hands. “Does your heart have room to love anyone but this boy?” She couldn’t keep the contempt out of her voice when she spoke of Amenophis. I wanted to shake sense into her, force her to see the worth of her second son, but all I could do was grit my teeth and endure. “Don’t pretend there’s nothing but devoted friendship between you. That might explain why he risked his life to bring you to Dendera uninvited, but not the spectacle I saw when I entered this room. And I was not the only one to see it. Here are my witnesses.”
She spread her hands to include the maidservants surrounding us. The poor girls exchanged nervous looks. I wondered if they ever enjoyed a single unanxious moment, working for the Great Royal Wife, or if their days were spent forever balancing on the point of a needle, teetering over an abyss.
“I wouldn’t dream of pretending I don’t love Amenophis,” I said. “I’m not ashamed of it, nor of what you saw.”
“Mmm-hmm.” Aunt Tiye stooped to pick up Ta-Miu and scratch the cat between her enormous ears. “This creature has no sense of shame, either. A room, a rooftop, a darkened street, they’re all the same to her.” She put the cat down again. “But that wasn’t what I asked you. Who else do you love, Nefertiti? Truly love?”
“My family,” I said readily. “You know that. I miss them.”
“Oh, dear, and I thought we were your family.” Aunt Tiye put on a false look of hurt feelings. I decided to follow Amenophis’s lead and act as if she’d spoken to me honestly.
“I mean my family that’s not here. I haven’t received a single word from them since I got here, and I haven’t been allowed to send them any news.”
“Where did you get that notion? You used to send them messages all the time, before your little … adventure. If there’s anyone who’s keeping news from my brother Ay and the rest of them in Akhmin, it’s you alone.”
How did you know about how frequently I used to write to them? I thought. How, unless your agents were the ones who intercepted my messages?
“Then who’s to blame for my hearing nothing from them?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Oh, who knows? Maybe that sort of neglectful behavior runs in Ay’s part of the family. Like father, like daughter, or the other way around. Some people prefer to avoid writing letters. They’d rather hear the news about their loved ones from the source itself.” Aunt Tiye’s lips stretched into a crocodile’s smile. “How would you like to go back to Akhmin, Nefertiti?”
“With all my heart!” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Even as I proclaimed the truth, my head rang with exasperated thoughts: Fool! Idiot! What have you done? You’ve let that woman see your weakest spot, and you’ve given her the spear to pierce it!
Maybe I’d made a horribly wrong move, but I couldn’t help myself: The thought of returning to Akhmin, of seeing Father and Mother and Bit-Bit again, filled me with longing. I wasn’t like Aunt Tiye, living a life of endless strategy and calculation. I prayed I never would become such a person.
“Such passion!” Aunt Tiye laid one hand to her bosom. “My dear, you should have said something. Akhmin isn’t that far away. Now that there’s no further need to keep you shut away in these rooms, you should be able to go visit your parents and that adorable little sister of yours. I’ll see to the arrangements myself. It will make a lovely wedding voyage.”
I saw Amenophis’s face light up with hope, with joy, and I wanted to cry out, “No! You’re listening to her words but you’re hearing her say what you want to hear! Don’t you understand her yet? When she says wedding voyage, she doesn’t mean you and me, she means—!
“How wonderful it will be, dear Nefertiti,” Aunt Tiye spoke on, enfolding me in a hug that felt like strong ropes binding my arms to my sides. “A royal ship laden with gifts for your family, musicians playing love songs on the deck, incense perfuming the sail! And then, your homecoming. What a vision that will be! I can hardly wait to see Ay’s face when his beautiful daughter comes home as she was always meant to be: crown princess of the Two Lands, wife of Prince Thutmose, my beloved son.”
12
SHADOWED HEARTS
Amenophis’s anguished cry seared my heart. I thrust my arms straight out to the sides, breaking Aunt Tiye’s loveless embrace, and jumped away from her as if she were made of knives.
“Are you insane?” I shouted at her. All thought of the respect I owed her as my aunt and my queen was gone. She was nothing but a jackal with foaming fangs she wanted to sink into my throat and steal my last breath of life. “Have you been sunstruck or has your mind been shattered? After everything that Thutmose has done to me!”
“Nothing …” The word was a warning growl deep in her throat, but it sounded as if it came from the depths of an eternal night. “My son has done nothing wrong.”
At least she didn’t try to slap me. I would have slapped back, and the gods know where that would have ended.
“How can you say that?” I protested. “As soon as you and Pharaoh left for Dendera—”