I gasped in admiration. “Sitamun! Was she always so shrewd?”
“She’s our mother’s daughter.” He shrugged. “I think it’s something in the blood. It almost makes me afraid to imagine what our daughters will be like, Nefertiti.”
Our daughters … I pressed my hand to my mouth. I didn’t know whether to laugh for joy or weep, because the idea of being Amenophis’s wife and the mother of his children seemed like such an impossible dream.
No! No, it will not be impossible! Fierce, defiant thoughts flared like falling stars through my mind, my heart, my spirit. There has to be a way for this to happen. We love one another, and we’ve gone through so much, survived so many dangers. Oh, Amenophis! When I first met you, you were such a gawky, timid boy! You could hardly say a word without stammering. Now look at you: brave enough to be my defender, to stand up to your brother, to defy your mother! And what about me? I remember when I was the shy girl who only wanted to be left alone with my music, my dance, my pens. We’ve changed. We’ve helped each other become brave. We’re warriors, you and I, and the battle isn’t over. Amenophis, we will win it, together.
Little Nava tapped my arm, bringing me back to the moment. “Why are you so quiet?” she asked. “Don’t you want daughters?”
I lowered my hand and clasped hers. “Of course I do. They’ll be the luckiest girls in Thebes. Do you know why?” The Habiru child shook her head. “Because they’ll have you for their music teacher.”
“Me?” Nava’s face shone brighter than the flickering light of the oil lamps.
“No one else. Will you do that for us, little one? Live in our home and teach our children how to play the harp and sing?”
“I broke my harp.”
“We’ll get you another one, then. And your own room, and new clothes, and—”
“Nefertiti …” Amenophis’s solemn voice cut the thread of happy dreams I was spinning. “Beloved, we must speak about tomorrow before we talk about anything further in the future. We don’t have much time. I have to get back to my quarters—”
“And my maids will be trailing back here sometime tonight,” I concluded. “But what’s there to say about tomorrow? I’ll be ready early, I’ll dress my best—to show honor to the goddess—and I’ll speak the truth. But what happens after that?”
“After that … Ma’at herself will speak.”
Something in Amenophis’s tone put me on edge. “How will that be done? Will the priests cast stones, or bones, or papyrus stems?” All these were things I’d seen done in the temples of Akhmin, methods that priests and priestesses used to divine the will of the gods. I’d also seen such things done in the marketplace by magicians, or common fortunetellers. One temple was famous for the accuracy with which their priests could read what the gods had planned for the future from the patterns made by tossing a handful of black beans onto a white cloth. Another claimed that all the secrets of life and death were visible in a few drops of oil scattered on the surface of a bowl of water. The gods had always had many ways to let their worshippers know their rulings. “Which will it be?”
“None of those,” Amenophis said. “I told you: The goddess will speak. Her priests say that Ma’at’s own voice will come out of her house for all to hear.”
I was awestruck. “I’ve heard that there are temples where the gods do speak directly to the people, but I never dreamed the Palace of Ma’at held such a wonder.” Then I noticed the odd look he was giving me and I had to laugh. “Oh, Amenophis, do you think I’m that gullible? I know it can’t be the real voice of the goddess. It’s likely going to be one of her servants, but the effect must be astounding.”
“It is. Ma’at’s will is heard through her largest image, the one that stands just within the main temple chamber. I have been present a number of times when she’s ‘spoken,’ and I’ve seen how the accused react when that voice booms out of the sanctuary. That’s why I came. I wanted to forewarn you so that when you heard Ma’at’s voice, you wouldn’t be frightened. I want Mother and Father and everyone who’s there to witness your trial to be able to say that you heard the goddess speak and were unafraid. People remember such things; they make an impression.”
“Why do I have to impress anyone?”
“Because it will look better. After it’s all over, you don’t want anyone to be able to say ‘Did you see how high Nefertiti jumped when the goddess said that she’d told the truth about her innocence? It was as if the girl didn’t expect to have her name cleared. Maybe she’s not guilty of those crimes, but could she be up to some other mischief? Oh, she’ll bear watching, that one!’ ”
I laughed. “Is that how you believe people think?”
“That’s how I know they think in the palace. I want you to be found guiltless once and for all. I want you to be free to live your life again, without having to watch every step or dodge gossip.”
I crossed my hands in my lap and looked down at them. “I wish I was free, Amenophis, completely free. If I was, the first thing I’d do would be to leave this palace, leave Thebes, and go back to Akhmin—”
“Nefertiti!”
“With you.” I took his hand in one of mine. “Both of you.” I took Nava’s hand with the other.
“At least you’d be able to do that much.” He nodded at Nava and drew his hand out of my grasp. There was such yearning in his eyes. “How can we ever be together? My mother doesn’t like having her plans spoiled. She’ll spend the rest of her life spoiling yours—ours.”