“In other words, you have Obsessive Compulsive Klepto Disorder.” I sighed.
Kato stuck his nose in the bag while Rexi wasn’t looking. “Hey, that’s the snowman figure my mother gave me when I was a kid.”
Rexi snatched her bag back, hugging it to her chest. She looked ready to protect her treasures to the death.
I patted Kato on the head. His horns were frosting over. “Let it go, snow boy. Let it go.”
“You know what this trip needs?” Rexi asked, completely changing the subject.
“One less member?” Kato mumbled.
“A traveling song to make the journey go faster. I’ll start.” She coughed in a few weird pitches, presumably to warm up her vocal chords. “Heigh ho! Heigh—”
“NO!” Kato and I shouted in unison.
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes and clomped off in silence.
Of course that couldn’t last too long. Soon, she fell into step beside me, munching on something that vaguely resembled a sandwich. With a full mouth, she said, “So this decrepit wizard really has the hots for you, huh? What’s he like?”
“Hard to say, really. He didn’t really talk about himself in the letters. They were mostly poetry and nonsense about undying love. But the gifts he sent were nice. And he’s actually not your typical gray-bearded, hunched old man wizard. He’s very handsome.”
“Well, rich, good-looking, and powerful.” Rexi clucked her tongue. “Guess your love triangle is going to be a bit lopsided.”
Up ahead, Kato rumbled low in his throat.
“You’re cracked,” I said and shook my head at Rexi. Whispering, I added, “There’s no triangle, circle, or any other shape. One thinks he loves me as a replacement for someone else I happen to remind him of. The other needs me but doesn’t even like me.”
Rexi clucked her tongue. “Later, when we’re alone, we need to have a chat. Your cluelessness is bordering on a crime, and friends don’t let friends be as dumb as you.”
Friends? Is that what we were? Weren’t friends usually um…friendlier? Rexi reminded me of a marshmallow that’d been burned to a crisp: acrid and a tough-to-swallow exterior but all ooey gooey inside. I know we hadn’t really seen the gooey part, but I was nearly positive it was there.
I stopped for a second to stretch. When I looked back up, Kato wasn’t in front of us anymore. “Hey, did he ditch us?”
“Guess so.” Rexi pointed. “He’s over there and walking the wrong way.”
She was right. He’d shifted south.
“Where are you going? The forest is over there.” I jogged over to him and yanked his horn, but he didn’t stop.
Kato jerked his head to the side, like he was trying to get water out of his ears. “It’s Rexi’s blasted whistling. It’s messing with my head.” He kept walking.
“Nobody’s whistling.” I was starting to have a really bad feeling about this. Instead of yanking on his horns, I grabbed them both and planted my heels in the grass. They left a rut as Kato dragged me with him.
“Rexi, help! Something’s wrong.”
Even with both of us hanging on, we couldn’t keep Kato from moving forward. It was like he was in a trance; he didn’t even acknowledge we were tugging on him. His icy blue eyes were just empty puddles.
Looking across the lake, I could see what had to be the China Isle. Even in its current state, I recognized it from pictures I’d seen. Something was making the cup-shaped houses spin and twirl, dancing in a frantic tea party around the Town Hall Teakettle. The kettle was bubbling over with, well, bubble tea.
“Oh, pix.” As if to emphasize my point, the wind kicked up and carried a small stray bubble so that it popped in front of me. A splash of tea landed and sizzled against my hair. I doubled over like I’d been punched.
Rexi stayed with Kato, but cursed and twisted her upper body to try and get away. “Can’t stop. The music…”
I could hear just the faintest tune on the wind. Kato, with his sensitive ears, must have heard it before we did.
As the third sun sunk, the last bits of light shone down on the lake where a tea saucer served as a boat for five figures on top. No larger than hand’s height, a small band of metallic bugs played a myriad of instruments. They were being conducted by my least favorite Bumpkin.
“Glam it all. What do you think you’re doing, you pixing stick?” I shouted to Moony.
“Do you like my cousins, the Jitterbug Band? The Pied Piper loaned them to me for this one-night-only engagement. The Gray Witch has offered a bounty and a place in the New World Order to whomever captures you. Double if you’re dead.” This time, Moony’s smile no longer threatened retribution. It promised it. “Enjoy the music while you drown like rats.”
“Rule #99: Sacrifice is necessary to gain anything of worth. Usually a pumpkin or a few mice will suffice. Never offer your firstborn though.”
—Definitive Fairy-Tale Survival Guide: Volume 1
22
Ashes, Ashes, We All Go Down