Great. I’d dodged stormballs and survived a vacuum crash, but now I was facing torture at the hands of magical bugs.
One of them had a stick aimed for my eye when a sharp whistle brought them to a halt. And just like that, it was over. The swarm of Bumpkins retreated, bowing in front of what remained of the log. The log shook and stood, the bark shivering and becoming a full gown. The twigs became arms and the largest knot became facelike. If I didn’t miss my guess, I was about to meet the queen of the Bumpkins.
“Why have you woken me?” She spoke haughtily, like I was beneath her, even though she was less than a gnome’s height.
I searched for an answer, but I was still blown away by the whole talking-log thing. Turned out, she wasn’t talking to me anyway. The Bumpkin with the foul mouth, and I knew it was him because his pants were still in half-moon position, addressed his queen. The story he told was missing a few parts, but the guts were all there.
“And you attacked, even after she saved your life,” Queen Bump said in a flat tone that gave no clue whether that was a good or bad thing.
“Well, she’s—”
“Silence. I know exactly who she is. And if the rule of favor no longer compels, you should follow the will of your Maker.” She turned away from Moony in what seemed like rebuke or dismissal.
That put her knobby gaze focused squarely on me. “I do not know the rainbow’s current location. Leave my children be and go west. Under the metal spire, you will find Black Crow. She will take care of you.”
Without any pleasantries, the queen folded into herself—her arms becoming twigs, her dress re-forming into bark. Her “children” gathered around her and resumed their places as bumps and knots. The last to do so was Moony. Before taking his place, he gave me a look full of scorn that threatened retribution.
“Well, that was easy.” Rexi now stood right behind me.
“Easy? Where were you?”
Rexi’s face colored, and she looked down at her sensible brown shoes. “I was coming…but it was over before I got here.”
“Uh-huh.” Kato and I wore matching expressions of disbelief.
“Whatever.” She turned and stalked away. “I don’t do bugs.”
“Approach lost animals gently, so you don’t scare them away. With the right touch, they’ll follow you home forever.”
—Bo Peep’s Guide to Enchanted Animal Care
9
Bumpkins, Toadstools, and Puppies…Oh My!
A few hours’ walk from the Bumpkins, my feet were killing me. I was used to wearing heels all the time—I lived in them—but this was the farthest I’d ever traveled, period. This was also the longest I’d ever gone without food. My stomach cramped around the nothingness. “I’m starving,” I complained to no one in particular.
“Okay, well, I nominate you to find some food for us,” Rexi said, still making sure to stay a few steps ahead.
I made a face at her green tunic. “Sure, I’ll put that on my to-do list. Right under find parents, fix magic, and try not to end the world in a big ball of fire.”
“Well, if you’re hungry, you can always try one of the figs. They haven’t killed your pet yet. Unfortunately.” Rexi pointed to Kato, who was scarfing down more of the rotting fruit.
I wasn’t that hungry.
Watching him whack the tree trunks with his spiky tail, I could see that my earlier observations had been spot on. He was getting bigger fast and wasn’t a baby fuzz ball anymore. He was more like a gawky tween fuzz ball with paws the size of milk saucers. When he was done growing, he would be a big boy.
Rexi hollered from a little ways in front. “Hey, Dorkea.”
I moved a little faster to hear better, and so I could smack her if the opportunity arose. “Excuse me…what did you say?”
Rexi coughed into her hand. “I said, ‘Hey, Dorthea.’”
Yeah right.
“So I’ve always wanted to ask. What’s the deal with that whole curse business anyway? Are you like a ticking time bomb now or something?” She matched my pace, then looked me up and down as if assessing my threat level.
She was the first servant to ever ask; everyone else had always kept their distance. Better safe than crispy, I suppose.
“It’s possible.” I gave her a sly smile. “So you probably better be careful and stop pixing me off.”
Rexi snorted and rolled her eyes, her favorite mode of expression. “Bring it on. You look pretty harmless.”
A blumerang bird flew directly between us, then stopped to stretch its gossamer wings on top of a giant purple-spotted toadstool a few yards away. Before it had a chance to take off again, the toadstool opened its cap and swallowed the bird whole. The only evidence that the bird had ever existed were two feathers floating to the base of the fungi.